I admire .....

I’m sitting here listening to 90’s music and wondering how…. how do artists whether they be musicians, painters, poets or writers find the space and talent to bring out into the world a piece of them. How do they? So many, not all, are struggling with the same pains we are and most, not all, don’t grow out of that pain. Is it because they agreed some time long ago to voice our mutual pain, joy,, hopes, dreams, or do they speak for themselves?

These are the people who should be rewarded in plenty. Some do make millions and piss it away. Aren’t they mirroring what society does? The Bards in ages past were the conscious of society. They told the stories, offered their life in front of Kings, and reminded societies of their ills. Who are our 21st century bards?

Are you a Bard? Are you willing to offer to society its broken mirror? Are you willing to tell a better story? Can you delve into yourself, embrace your wounding and show the way? Are you willing to walk past those who offer a bypass into your freedom? It isn’t easy. Hell it’s much easier to jump on the spiritual bus and ride it to the next station of comfort. Yet you listen to the lyrics, read the words of the poet, cry at the novelists story, or the media artists creation. All the work they offer is for us to grab onto and bring it into the world. Their drums beat out our fear. Their words incite a passion and courage. What are we going to do with it all?

Can we become the bard? Can we speak our truth? Can we, as we offer our own unique, quiet gifts help to give rise to those who come to receive? Can we sit in our office cubes and share words that will help cement in our co-workers a sense that they are being seen? Do we stop the hatred? Or are we afraid of what we could lose? Fair enough…… not really.

Everything we dream can only happen if we bring action into it. Speaking bardic words without a willingness to lose it all doesn’t bring a lasting change. We share these concepts with each other yet our actions often speak differently. I'm far from being perfect. God knows if I was, as many hear me say “I wouldn’t be here” yet I try to be better tomorrow than I was today. Most importantly I know I would give my life for change. Change to an accepting, loving, intuitive society.

There is no single person who has the answers. There is one essence that can lead you to your answers. It is your soul. Your soul knows exactly how to treat each person, protect you, offer guidance, and comfort when obstacles enter your path. Your soul is your Bard. It understands the long forgotten ancient ways. It understands the artists of our worlds lamentations and driving beats. Our souls have their own song. They own soul sanguine. Soul speaks through them.

We listen to their words…. why can’t we listen to our own soul? Every one of us are bards. Speak your truth quietly or loudly when called for, from your soul heart, sharing your wounded heart and change the world. If not for you for you children and theirs.

I’m the one in ten

A number on the list

I am the one in ten

Even though I don’t exist

Nobody knows me

Even though I’m always there

A statistical a reminder

Of a world that doesn’t care

Lyrics from UB40 One in Ten

Traveling on ~

Teri

Winter Conversations ..... Cold + Dark = Quiet Wisdom

Tonight a friend stopped in to talk.  It wasn’t a chat.  He needed to talk.  

He spoke about feeling lonely, not alone. He spoke specifically about feeling lonely. The lonely that happens when you make decisions that other’s might not agree on as the best option. The lonely that happens when after 10 minutes no one has texted or called. The lonely that occurs when winter hits and you cannot go outside.

The Lonely ~ the lonely that hits even when you are surrounded by a dozen friends, in the company of your life partner, when you sit in a meeting of peers at work, the lonely that hits when your family doesn’t see you.  It is the lonely that happens at birth and arrives to finally meet you at death. It is the lonely that is the ‘curse’ of being human in the current world. Let’s be honest the lonely that has been here for generation after generation.  It is the lonely that drives us to kill not only each other but also this planet and its animals.  Those animals we are jealous of because they do not know loneliness.  The dogs, cats, wolves, deer, eagles, elephants, and other animals that understand aloneness + community does NOT = loneliness.

Right now we are all feeling alone in America. Many can raise their hands high in acknowledgement that NO one has heard them for years.  They may never admit they are lonely. They will stand tall + swagger but we can all see past the veneer. This hoopla around our next President isn't the cause only the visible ulcer.  This goes far deeper and wider.

Loneliness is personal and universal.  We came in alone by not lonely.  We will die alone yet it we don’t have to be lonely.  

Loneliness is driven by the denial of self value. Our current culture (especially western white culture) does not nurture a whole self identity. It does not understand the value of the connection to our inner self. Because of this it perpetuates the denial of the value of Community as nurturer and the self within that community. The Quakers used the identifiers of Thee and Thou to bring inclusion into the self thus creating the understanding of the value of self within the community.  Many religious practices exclude self, deny the value of nurturance, and through the exclusion create a community of loneliness.  

Standing Rock exposes the loneliness within our culture. As a cultural phenomenon to the western world, Standing Rock shows how the acceptance of the value of self within a community through ancestral spiritual practices of inclusion, loneliness is removed and courage, integrity, self love, and the ability to value all life is expressed in daily interactions.  

We are not all of First Nation blood so what could my friend do to help embrace his loneliness?  

There are options available ~ A spiritual practice to quiet the mind and connect the higher self to him. A spiritual practice that allows for interaction between the higher self and him releasing the long held generational beliefs. A spiritual practice that gives value to community.

A willingness to say I no longer want to exclude myself.  A willingness to see the pain of loneliness in others, especially those we believe are not lonely. 

A clearer understanding of the concept “we create our experiences” and it is within our control to banish or build all aspects of our life.

Finding his ancestral spiritual lineage.  

There are many other options available to grasp the loneliness we experience. Each are individual as to their benefit.  There is no One Size Fits All.  I suggested he try many different avenues to find the right fit. The one that draws him, intrigues him.  Intrigue will fuel his desire to embrace his loneliness. His loneliness, when embraced, will bring to the world compassion and right action.

The dark, cold winter is designed for reflection. It doesn’t allow distractions to take our pains away. It refuses to hear the excuses and demands we find the courage to take a stand. Winter is our best ally in forming our convictions. If you can turn and face the adversary in the dark + cold, you can face them in light and ease.

No one is ever alone. There may be times when you feel loneliness. Remember many are here with you right now in this moment. Shine brighter.

Traveling on,
Teri ~ The Soul Traveler

Quiet or Quit ???

It has been quiet from my voice or have I quit?

I have been absent in the sense of the expected.  I have not been absent or quiet from the yearning, the learning, the living. Oh not at all!

Not being one who harbors unresolved explanations of the current situations to the extreme (HA what a mouth full) but one who tires others in my constant reflection (welcome to a Pisceans world), of how best to be, I must admit that the world carries on without us.

Like all of us I have been involved with the daily aspects of living.  Gratitude abounds for the myriad of interactions in my day.  Be it work, supporting clients, training for a 1/2 marathon, or the necessary gathering of food, bills, and housing, my day is often beset with distractions.  Being fortunate that alone time makes up most of my day, I can reflect upon the different ways to enrich my life.  

Growing up I would become overwhelmed quickly with any task that required complicated explanations of how to go about completing them.  In other words, I would go TWILT with too much sensory overload.  The simpler the explanation, the cleaner the directions, the quicker I accomplished the necessary steps and moved on.  I was besieged in school with the label of 'lacks the ability to follow directions'. Perhaps to them but I got everything done. Maybe not how they viewed it should be but I completed the requirements none-the-less.   

I had thoughts of quitting.  Silencing my voice so I fit in the crowd.  Giving in to the demands to do it their way to end the overload. What happened when I ventured to be just one-more female? It suffocated me and drove me to shrivel inside.  It left me frantic. I spent more time away from people, taking my introvertism deeper.  I wasn't happy and I began to dislike myself.

Without realizing it, I found ways to deflect the constant desire by the nun's and other adults for me to mold myself into their idea of how a young girl should be in the world.  It took me many years to learn that outbursts, no matter the reason, were not allowed in school, home or church. I found my escape outdoors. Creativity was flush out there away from the demands of the 'adult' world.  Over time I learned how and when to share my outbursts.  Slowly I discovered my way of being in the world.

Did I set out purposely, with a 10-point plan to recreate my world as it existed?  Can't say early on that I consciously did.  Because I was young and I listened to the sweet quiet voice that still spoke to me, I found I could sometimes boldly stepped forward.  When I couldn't hear the sweetness from my fear I became meek and frightened.  Whatever the situation, I moved forward, I never quit moving often swallowing my fear but moving just the same.  I might have been quiet, but there was a resoluteness to my daily step, a stubborn turn of my chin that rode on beside me bringing me to adulthood.

When you reflect upon your childhood, do you take the time to notice the courage, the desire, the divine spark that rested deep within you?  Or do you only remember the 'good' times and the 'disappointing' times?  Can you peak a little deeper into those moments?  Are you willing to honestly see the mixture of wisdom and cavalier spite? Try not to dissect to the point of no return in your reflection.  Do take the time to sift through the illusion of childhood.  Upon closer inspection is great wisdom working beside you to develop your soul path?  

We are not innocent bystanders in this journey.  We are constantly co-creating for our higher good.  Some of our creations we think may lack a bit of substance and appear to be better suited to the junk pile.  Look closer!  There is wisdom and empowerment in failure.  Take time to deeply reflect upon your childhood memories.  Yes there is sweetness but what else?  Can you see the wise one deep within?  Is what you remember after reflection useful today?  Have you forgotten that the connection you felt so freely to your divinity as a child is still accessible?  Can you bring that child's knowingness of their divinity to you today?  Take a moment and go back to that time when you knew without a doubt and reconnect.  Embrace you in that moment.  Give them a seat at your table.  Allow them to show you why they never doubted.  Laugh with them and feed your divine spark.

The stubborn turn of my chin has been a cornerstone to my soul path.  That stubborn marching child, refusing to give up her will, has walked me through many harrowing experiences, and allowed me to meet some of the most amazing souls this lifetime.  I can guarantee you, she ain't going nowhere soon!  How about you?

Oh the joys of ...Traveling on .....

Teri ~ The Soul Traveler

Warriors Cry Real Tears ..... Too

It is my walks in nature where I find my inspiration.  I don't think I am alone in this occurring.  We all have those times when we really let go of our daily grind.  Nature just seems to be the perfect 'spot' for it all to slip away.

Recently I was struck by a thought that sprang to mind as I wandered away from the maddening football crowd.  The noise drifted further and further leaving me present to the dusty trail and the minuscule amount of others joining me.  Contemplating on the gorgeous blue skyline with its wisps of promising clouds the thought of how my years of overwhelming sensitivity had awakened this fierce fortitude kept pushing at me to not be ignored.  This unwavering ability to reach deep into the darkest depths of others lives, soul loss, and pain.  How the fortitude had supported me in finding the strength to heal my darker wounds, releasing this amazing Joan of Arc aspect.  This Kali fire that had laid hidden deep now fueled my very being.  Somehow I had become the warrior I was destined to be this lifetime.  

Early on this extreme sensitivity laid me open for all to see, to be trampled on, to suck me dry energetically, it became a constant burden yet I could not discard it upon the heap and walk away.  As I walked through this life I was reminded daily by others that I wore my heart on my sleeve, to stop the crying for god sake, suck it up, and the best one was, "Oh here we go again," echoed through my head.  I could barely stomach large crowds still not my favorite without gobs of protection.  I didn't get sick or have a headache instead I grew restless, fidgety, a claustrophobic fence grew around me and I would dart.  Often I remained outside by myself literally and figuratively.  I would play with the neighborhood children but only when I wanted and always with an escape route.  Somehow I knew if I was ever cornered or someone I cared about was bullied, I would come out swinging.  

I liked being around people.  It was what occurred that drove me crazy.  It was the pain I felt from them, the cries for help, the wounded soul that begged me to listen.  I didn't know how to protect myself.  Still I helped, oh yes, I helped.  I listened, encouraged, walked them to solutions, laughed making them see the funny side, and then I went home tired and drained.  I carried all the wounding on my shoulders and in my heart.  I became their little angel.  I grew tired and aged past my years.

Overtime I learned how to protect myself.  I relinquished their burdens and stopped carrying them.  I discovered how to help them help themselves.  The turning point was when I finally embraced that I was a warrior.  Finding the finesse of the soul sword and how to deftly wield it on behalf of others broke the crack wide open on my extreme sensitivity.  Most who know me now have a hard time seeing me as the sensitive introvert.  What is apparent to them is my ability to kick ass and take names, my gregarious ways, and pull to have deep conversations.  If they look closely they will see the quiet one watching all the interchanges, feeling the ebb and flow of the energy, seeing the real story, and listening very closely ~ the warrior at work.

As we have lived our lives in the company of others we begin to perceive ourselves through their eyes.  We forget how to decipher the light + dark sides of our essence.  We mistake for instance our gregarious nature as a conflict to our desire for solitude.  We don't see either of them as pluses in our relating to others.  We think of them as a battleground for fitting in.  When we tweak our view just a bit our solitude becomes the place for figuring out what our gregarious nature just learned.  Why the person we just met is hurting deep within.  The person whose presence is pulling our energy away creating headaches, or sickness, or claustrophobia; the physical manifestations of a very sensitive introvert.  

We are not being asked to fix or lay down any aspect of our true soul nature.  It is up to us though to configure those aspects and find a home place for our sensitivity and desire for aloneness.  These are gifts and like all gifts sometimes their brilliance hurts our human eyes.  Remember it is okay to wear sunglasses inside.

We all know spiritual warriors and for many of us our soul song line is the warrior path.  It is expected that the warrior will stand and face the music for the tribe.  They travel into the depths of despair battling for our soul pieces and protecting the Truth.  Swords of valor, eyes of steel, and hearts all encompassing become the warrior creed for all who walk this soul song line.  

There is a piece seldom shown except in introverted moments.  It is what becomes the badge of courage.

Spiritual warriors cry real tears...... Too

Traveling on...... The Soul Traveler xoxo

Fifty Shades of Grey + Me

This is not going to be a soft + fuzzy musing.  This may not even be a well written piece.

This is going to be a short, deep, truthful tale of one soul.

We all hold deep dark secrets.  Not all of us will be called to share those secrets.   But ....And a definite But ....We will all want to release + heal + grow from our secrets.

In my pre-teen years I experienced molestation and sexual abuse.  These events took over my formative years as a young blossoming woman.  They were at the hands of someone very close and older.  These events did not stop until I stopped them the fall of my senior year.  They spanned 6 years.

These events were to shape my life for over 30 years.  These events led me to believe that sex and love was about control, manipulation, violence and fear.  

My sexuality was warped into a grayness that set the stage for a 10 year marriage of emotional + sexual abuse, 20-years of one-off sexual relationships of subversion + emptiness, all marked by an inability to fill a sacred yearning for loving self-expression.  

Under the guise of "I love you like you have never been loved." perversion ran deep and culminated in spousal rape, rough sex, and emptiness.  Most importantly the sex wasn't the only abuse.  The entire marriage was abusive and controlling.  Nothing was visible to the outside world.  The abuse didn't lead to violence until I asked for a divorce and stepped away from the control.  The abuse was emotional, manipulative + unfailing.

Glamorizing sexual defiance, glorified mistreatment, emotional abusive control in the name of love is NOT love.  Allowing ourselves to fantasize about sex using manipulation, aggression, self-flaggation is not LOVE no matter which way you look at it.  Violent Sex is Hate, Power + Control.  Violent sex comes from a deep dark sickness that fills this world.  Sex in these relationships ties you into the abuse outside of the act.  It is a slippery slope. 

Fifty Shades of Grey is not a nurturing healthy love being expressed into the world.  It is about ABUSE plain and simple.  

I can tell you being turned on by this book or any other item that displays violence, control, or non-nurturing is not healthy.  For years I could only be aroused by picturing violence towards me or with me.  I sought help from many avenues.  I found the most help with one.  My shamanic path brought forth the deepest healing.  I had to be willing to go after this grey aspect of my life.  I had to be willing to go deep into the darkness of my life and soul.  I had to be willing to be completely Honest with myself.  I had to learn to love all aspects of myself - dark & light.  I had to stop the abuse against me.

I found my voice ~ NO more violence against ME! No more violence against women, children, + men!  

Love comes from nurturing.  Love does NOT come from violence, control, deviant behavior.  Each time you read, laugh, pass along songs, books, articles, or commit actions by yourself or others you are creating and perpetuating this back into the world.  It must stop with us!

I am not writing this to garner your sympathy.  I am writing this to share how blind we have become to the violence against others.  Our children and their children deserve a world where healthy, nurturing love is displayed for them to see + learn to bring into their life.  You deserve this world of healthy relationships.

Domestic violence is rampant in the world.  Violence against women is rampant in the world. Violence against men is rampant in this world. Violence against children is rampant in this world.  We need to stop this Now.

I may lose friends from this. So be it.

Today I am calling you out.  If you read this garbage, watch this garbage, commit these acts ~ YOU are part of the problem.  Seek help!  Put the brakes on ~ love yourself.  If you find yourself in a violent situation ~ Get Out Now!  I did. You can.

With deepest love + understanding ~ The Soul Traveler

Back in the game ..... work game that is

My life is changing once again.  On a scale of 1-10 this is a change with which I am familiar so it ranks low on the scale.  I am so different now that this experience is being created from a deeper level, a shamanic level, a higher soul self, and a universal level.  This isn't a typical 8-5 existence anymore.  This is work on a soul level.  

As this knowledge and understanding was unveiling itself to me, in the midsts of confusion, doubts, and emotions, I journeyed to quell the storm that seemed to want to rise from deep within.  I wasn't looking to stop the storm I was looking for the direction through the midsts and to quiet the rushing sounds so I could hear the words that would soothe me.  It was a quick journey filled with trepidation as the fears mounted in my body only to be calmed by the warming embrace of the Universe as these words filled my head.  

"Your soul is after the growth not the money and Source will fill in where the money might appear to be thin. If your desire is to live from your soul then you need to feed it and trust that you have never been dropped. They need you as much as you will need them each day.  You are not to sit upon the mountain but to bring the mountain to them.  There is so much yet to be seen by your eyes, to be understood by your mind, to be felt by your body that will bring you deeper into your path, your Beingness.  You cannot perceive all that is about but you can perceive the depth of love present for you at this moment.  We understand the fretting, the human illusions where you co-exist, we know this is but part of being a human and we KNOW that your soul desires the ultimate expression and will not be denied.  Seek us to support your human needs and allow us to keep you in the present.  We know your human desires and we know that you have come to understand the deeper expression."  I left the journey with the first two sentences emblazoned upon tongue. 

I called and accepted employment with the Department of Developmental Disabilities for the state of Montana.  Employment that would not be meeting the minimum monthly amount for me to 'make ends meet'.  It was a $.25 an hour short. Yet it pulled me to it the first day of the interviews with the Tibetan Prayer flags adorning the reception room, the Ojo de Dios hanging in the front windows, the spontaneous laughter erupting during the interview, the truly 'casual' dress code, the honesty of needs, and yes there is great retirement and vacation benefits.  I accepted the position trusting the words I had heard spoken and within five minutes of the acceptance I was told of a 5% rate increase in November which took me above my minimum.  I laughed understanding that I do not see the entire picture.  I chortled knowing my guidance, the Universe and my soul were 'knuckle stamping' each other.  (Some may think I hold issues around money and that is not the case as I have always had exactly what I need when I need it.  I am a Pisces astrologically where money is not the ultimate desire and my numerology dictates monetary success so instinctually I balance.)

This is only a glimpse of the 3rd dimensional experience.  The capture of being present to the moment, understanding the capable aspects of Self, and willingness to trust unabashedly would reveal perceived hidden mapping of my journey.  This mapping lay hidden because I had yet to acquire all the tools to read the maps.  As I willingly dove deeper into my true essence, tools were revealed to help me read my changing maps.  Yes, there are many maps drawn for our journeys which are switched and changed based on decisions and non-decisions.  Just like maps for each state and the many countries on earth we are gifted with individual compact maps.  They are overlaid on our list of attainments adjusting as we peel and dive deeper.   Like the surveyor we adjust as the terrain changes.  

Early in my awakening, I wanted so much to no longer 'work' in the world.  Instead I desired spending my days in earnest pursuit of the deeper meanings of life and sharing those discoveries with others in workshops, in other words, sitting upon the mountain.  I tried several times leaving employment to build a practice and each time the funding dried up requiring me to return to the workplace.  Many hours have been spent in reflection seeking the 'reason' for not attaining enough financial support and non-fulfillment of my desires.  Casting doubts upon my abilities, yet seeing very clearly the impact my return to the world was having on those around me, I fretted and concluded I needed to just try harder to build a practice.  This thinking allowed the ego to implant the concept that I was not a fully realized soul if I couldn't build a practice outside of the standard employment.  

These last months of unemployment have sped quickly by taking me once again to the state of return.  There was no massive booming of a practice, there was a steady increase, a nourishing of soul, a clearing of patterns and the final realization that my soul path, my soul agreement, my most impactful place was in the work game.  It was there that the most seeds were planted, the deeper touching of soul to soul, the quiet shamanic support of community to be given, and where the Universe filled my soul path.  My ego was wrong.  I am a fully realized soul in each moment no matter if it is in standard employment or a private practice.  Shaking off the perceived 'right way' to be a spiritual being takes courage, clarity of truth, and a willingness to go against the flow.  Discarding this illusion creates freedom.

Not all of us get to leave the work world and build private practices.  Many of us are most impactful in the challenging world of constant human interaction.  We change the course of someone by being in an 8-5 job.  Having a human experience as a spiritual being entails living within the experience of non-awaken souls.  As you create the clients, the spiritual life you so deeply desire, being smack dab in the midst of the perceived chaos brings a wealth of empathy, compassion and an energetic signature of 'you know how they feel' that is invaluable and life changing.  Mother Teresa didn't sit in the convent and serve her community.  She lived among them.  The world needs all of us.  Those who are not in the world and those who are in the world.  Find value in where Spirit has you.  Go about knowing that by being you, the true and deep you, no matter what the scenery is, has value undiscovered and life-changing.  We can't all leave the world.  As you struggle within the environment of the workplace, seek the truth of the situation and trust that your soul is being fed and serving the greater whole.  Create a workplace without struggle, create a private practice within your corporate, non-profit, retail, or government job.

I no longer reflect in a wanting state of where I am going or why I am some where.  I reflect now on how I can show up as the true me.  Where is my ego still leading the way, why is this moment challenging, how can I best serve all of us, and what makes my heart sing?  These are the questions I review.  How life appears doesn't matter.  How life impacts does.  Rushing about creates chaos, walking softly blooms love, being present for every moment creates opportunity.

Taking the essence of being into the world of constant doing sets the ripples of change into motion.  Finding your practice within the world of employment leads everyone further along their soul path even when it appears otherwise.  We are not here to create scenarios.  We are here to feed our souls, uncover the illusion of separation, and walk the cosmic, divine, christed Essence into this lifetime.

If you are happy being you, you will be happy in any work you do.

And the journey continues.....

The Soul Traveler

Fireside Chat - Spiritual Equality

My guest, Evy O'Leary-Bennett, chatted with me on the subject of Spiritual Equality.  It was a welcome discussion with many eye-opening shares and fun-filled quips.

Spiritual equality is a subject we don't often discuss.  Looking at it from the impact it has in all aspects of our life enables us to move through our constraints bringing forward a communal way of living.  We are all experiencing being human.  We all have special gifts that blossom at different intervals.  

As we venture further down our path, taking time to reflect on spiritual equality will set into motion the change we all desire in the world.  Are we sharing our knowledge and ourselves to others in the manner of equality?  As teachers and mentors are we standing in equality with those we are supporting, holding them in an equal role allowing for those moments of shared student/teacher exchange?  As we are learning from others are we standing in our equality or are we taking the role of less than finding ourselves wanting to 'kill the teacher'? Are we viewing our shadow sides in equality?

We have come into this world, this lifetime, to remember who are truly are.  We may be further along the path in certain aspects from others but we are not the one who is wiser, more knowledgeable in all the many aspects of our journey.   We are all brilliant spiritual beings remembering, uncovering, and sharing our discoveries with the intent to support each other to becoming all that we are.  Because this is a collective endeavor holding each other in equality enables the ripples to move further and further encompassing many who might not be reached.  We are all both teacher and students in our journeys through this life.

Spending the August Fireside Chat with Evy in laughter and discovery broadened our relationship enriching both our reaches in our individual paths.  Our desire is to share with you our experience of spiritual equality. 

Would love to hear your views and experiences on spiritual equality.  Hope you enjoy our chat as much as we did!

The Soul Traveler ~

This is the August Fireside Chat with Evy O'Leary-Bennett. Our discussion focused on spiritual equality.

And so .....

As the months of 2014 ebb and flow to us, I realize that I have been on a 7 month journey of unemployment insurance that has drawn to an end.  

I know without a shadow of doubt that I am not the same woman who looked out into the world on November 27, 2013.  I cannot even remember who she was.  There is a tad bit of a memory of how she felt and an understanding of her story.  There is a deeper understanding of how the story dissolved, the realization of a stronger essence of her, and a willingness to feel into the moment and hold no expectation, no opinion of what is to be. 

Oh the journey was complete with wildness, back-ups, and delight.  It carried me to a place I had desired to hold deeply.  It carried me out into a jungle replete with tangles, rushing water, and mystery.  The adventure did not disappoint.  It has no ending.

I am truly blessed with the opportunity to focus solely on my path.  And these last 7 months allowed a deeper involvement into uncovering this path.  It enabled me to bring into my daily life a realization of how my path, even the search of it, was individualized from others. 

Through this time a stronger concise understanding of who I was, coupled with a releasing of old patterns and beliefs, balanced by acceptance of the value of illusion moved me into an empathy of self and my community.  The freedom to lay about, wander the mountain top, grovel in the frustrations, and epitomize standardization pushed me to turn and deny the existence of self; to die to myself as I had never imagined.

There has been a shamans death experience, a mystics evaporation, and yet what I was being asked for did not contain another level of these prerequisites to soul evolution.  I have experienced a burning to the ground, the severing of the leash, but I had not experienced the dying to myself.  The dying took place sudden with the realization of the ask, moved into flowing with the demands of daily life, and ended in an ancient ritual that almost seemed uneventful.  It was the forward motion after the dying that emphasized the Divine's request.  

Every time I looked to draw a frame of reference the screen was blank.  It wasn't just the screen of Future but the screen of Past that lay black and empty.  Only the place of Here and Now held any form or design.  Anything presenting itself to me was met with nothing but what I knew to be true for me.  Trying to decipher anything has been unsettling.

The unsettling is not in being unable to fit in or know the direction.  The unsettling is learning to walk completely within the present.  It is learning that where I once related in life with others is non-existent and non-essential.  It is non-identifying.  It cannot relate to me as much as I cannot relate to it.  In the midst of all of it, there is laughter, joy, tears, love, and a completeness.  A focus of all is finished within itself bringing with it a solid sense of self without identity.  

Spirit has said others have experienced this and many will join in the dying to themselves.  Everyone will be offered, not all will accept, and all will continue along their path.

Having words to express this past 9 months has been very difficult.  Having words to express this newest endeavor has been even more difficult.  It has not mattered that there are no words.  It does not matter if I ever climb the mountain top, it no longer matters what I hold dear, where I wander, who I meet or don't meet, how I show up to the world is all that matters.  Do I come with my heart open, my mind quiet, my eyes bright, my ears listening, and my tongue gentle? Do I come willing to share everything including the unacceptable?  Do I come each day willing to make it a good day to die?  Do I come prepared to return to the primordial juices?  Am I willing to live outside the perceived existence of all that matters?  Am I willing to be the ancient?  Am I willing to hold past, present, future completely within me?

These questions may seem to be those we all ask ourselves daily.  This time there is a very large difference in asking them.  We all know being who we truly are means living with hearts open, mind quiet, listening, no opinions, etc., and yet this is different.  

Dying to yourself means you cannot do anything else but show up as an unidentifiable person.  You cannot be You.  You can only Be.

The Soul Traveler

Shifting .... time

One wonderful gift I have, is shifting time.  Unaware of what I was doing for most of my youth, I would be amazed at the ability to move through a difficult time very quickly, stretch out in a marvelous moment, and change traffic signals.  It was the ability to change traffic signals that woke me up to my little gift.  Yes, those too long lingering stop lights especially when one is late to an event!  My first realization became a game very quickly.  Counting to 5 as I said out loud, "Change now" to watching the series of lights ahead in downtown Denver change with each planned blink of my eye as I never altered my speed developed a realization of the illusion I lived.  This playfulness became a salve to my road weary heart.  It taught me a wisdom I did not realize I had.  Time became my secret.  Time was my best friend.  Time allowed me to shape shift and led me to my soul path.  Well, actually, time is my path.  

It was in realizing the essence of time and the illusion we had created around it that I began to fulfill my desire to be who I truly was.  

In the moments that I believed I needed to fulfill the dreams of family, friends, society, I disconnected to my ability to shift time, my connection to my soul, and my heart became weary.  When I bought into the demands of those living within our perceived time constraints the only way to remove myself was to play with Time.  It was those moments caught in abusive turmoil that time became my ally.  I did not leave my body or disassociate from self when I remembered to shift into a time filled with the end.  I know this explanation borders on "psychological dissociation" but it is not.  I know when I created means by which to cope with the abuse.  I am referring to using time to alter the illusion and repair the wound.

A shaman using an altered state travels to the time and space of soul loss.  It is by shifting time that a shaman retrieves the lost soul piece and returns it to the client.  

So even in times of abuse or trauma, never having completely separated from any of my soul gifts especially the gift of shifting time, I was able to lessen the soul loss around these events.  I did not realize what I was capable of doing in the moment, it wasn't until later that this abilities deeper essence was revealed.

Because we are not broken and do not need to be fixed, we have always used our gifts to move through our life and experience those events and moments that will bring us back home to ourselves and the Divine.  It is when we use time that we can reflect upon our abilities to remember who we truly are.  Every one of us takes time to look "back" upon our lives to learn.  We may not do this consciously as in "Hey I want to see why I experienced this loss, abuse, trauma, reward, etc." but we do reflect every moment of every day.  As we are moving through traffic we are reflecting upon where we came from, we are looking to where we are going, and maintain a strong awareness of where we are.  We have to do this to drive our cars.

Do you honestly think you don't do this with everything in your life?  Come now be honest.  As your discussion with your partner escalates up or down are you not reviewing what got you here and how fast you can get to the other side?  

Guess what?  You just used Time to shift the moment at hand.  Now lets do it with a sense of deliberate outcome.  

As a shaman, I listen to your story, looking for the exact place in time where the soul loss that is impacting you now needs resolution.  That moment or time is suspended in a dimensional latitude that spins timelessly waiting for the impactful moment to collide and bring it forward to move your soul further along your path.  In an altered state or a time shift I journey to the moment moving through dimensions and time to retrieve and bring it to you.  Time is fluid.  As in a stream or ocean it moves continually upon itself creating and recreating.  It never begins nor ends.  It shifts us, itself, and eternity continually.  Collapsing upon itself it is giving birth to a never ending beginning.  Remembering, as we know it, allows time to lead us deeper into all that we are.  Grasping this concept even fleetingly without over thinking brings awareness.  The altered dimensional moment uses time to refocus and create.  It splinters the outcome across many realities shifting past, present, future, parallel lives and experiences simultaneously.

A simple game of change the traffic light becomes a catalyst for shifting realities.

What time game is waiting for you?

The journey continues ~

The Soul Traveler

Turning Points

Life is filled with so many turning points.  They can be driven by us and sometimes we perceive them to be thrown at us.  

Many years ago I stopped perceiving them as out of my control and sent by others.  I have also stopped using change, closure, and endings.  Those 3 simple words carry a heavy dose of societal fear.  I don't believe that the true essence of these words is fear.  No, we have created stories around these words that have driven us for many centuries deeper into fear.  

Turning points still hold an essence of movement forward, a grace of accomplishment, and a base of self creation.  This word carries an elegance of dance waiting to be performed.  It holds within it beauty, presence, and mystery.

This week holds a particular turning point for me.  This week I complete the final year of an apprenticeship.  Three years ago I was gifted a teacher to support me in unlocking a deeper sense of my true essence.  The first year was filled with an immersion into a grounded contemporary shamanic apprenticeship where I discovered a deeper understanding of my innate connection to this ancient modality blended with modern perspective and tools.  I relished in the guidance and unfoldment always excited for more.  The 2nd year was a practicum.  Although it was 4 months in actual interaction it did not come up short.  I was challenged to bring out into the world what my first year unlocked.  There were many days of struggle to create the essence of leaning into my style and signature.  Through it all was my teacher, Robin Rice, holding the space from a distance.  This year I was a gifted with helping her to support a group of apprentices under her guidance while continuing my learning.  Spanish immersion was the phrase used to describe the teaching, sharing, and growth.  It lived up to its title.  As the months unfolded it became very clear how expertly she had taken me from our first encounter, through the pathways, and back to my original teacher ~ Spirit.  I had come full circle in the spiral always moving up and forward.

The gratitude that flows as I reflect upon this journey will carry me deeper and further than I have gone.  I bow in honor of who she is to the world, to me and to herself.  A woman who has heard the call of her soul and answered time and time again.

In life we are gifted people who bring to us without question pieces of our essence and hold us as we unwrap and embrace them.  They stand holding no judgement of our choices and too long held stories.  Always patient they wrap us in our essence we, ourselves, have yet to discover.

With this turning point being held out in front of me, I step gently ready to continue forward, welcoming the adventure, and relishing those I will meet along the way.  I carry within me a deeper knowledge of our communal journeys, my commitment to my community, my delight in the mystery around me, and the courage to answer the call of my soul over and over again.  My life will be different.  It has no choice because I am different.  My life will be more.  I am more.  

Will a teacher cross my path again, perhaps?  

For now I embark upon a stronger knowing of my true essence bringing it out into the world, sharing all that is being asked by my soul and Spirit to continue giving to my community, family, and friends.

To Turning Points xoxo

The Soul Traveler

No sympathy... just be

I honestly don't know how to begin or really why share what I am being asked to share.  

All of our lives are punctuated by moments that shape them.  They can be tragic, simple, moving, courageous and a myriad of other adverbs.  Having added shamanism to my modalities I truly believe that it is through releasing our stories that great healing and spiritual communion takes place.  I also know that the human species learns through stories that are shared.  My dilemma is about sharing one particular personal story.  

I am currently taking a writing intensive course to help push into the world a story I penned several years ago.  Stories need to be written and if they only touch one person it has accomplished its purpose.  I get that.  What is happening is a personal story is surfacing, one I verbally share when the need arises. It is a subject that has been written many times by other authors.  I personally am not in need of telling the story, yet the story keeps asking to be written.  

I am adding a disclaimer here - Please NO sympathy... just be with this raw and naked story.

The Matrix of the Heart -

May 4, 1999 was like no other day.  It was a day of reckoning, not just for me it would also be for everyone who had ever come in contact with me.  It did start unusual but not glaringly unusual.  I am getting ahead of myself so let me start over.

Once upon a time there lived a very beautiful, stubborn, independent young woman.  Oh she thought she understood the cruelty of the world and how to traverse through it so as not to get harmed.  Little did she know that soon her life would ask even more.  Into her life would come a screaming, demanding, carefree loving creature that would one day break her heart.

But before that happened there was much to take place.  

Yes you guessed it I am describing the younger me.  I really believed that I knew how to traverse the world, the world that had given me years of pain, confusion, and isolation during a time when most young women were trying on new dresses, new boyfriends, and new identities.  As soon as high school was over I leapt at the chance to get as far away from home, friends, and family to strike out on my own.  I succeeded by arriving in Albuquerque to start what I thought was to be a new life.  The new start lasted 2 years before all the pain that had been buried surfaced in the form of drugs and alcohol leading to the departure from New Mexico and the return to my beginnings.  Stubbornly I refused to seek help and once again traversed the highways for a new beginning.  Thank god I had a magnificent guardian angel that tweaked my trail to recovery. Leaving the bar scene behind literally, I found employment in banking taking me to an environment that required I sober up.  I excelled at the banking craft, found a wonderful man, and started to clear the fog from my eyes.  As so often happens moments come forward that forever alter our lives.  

One lovely winter day, as I stood in the dressing room with my mother, I made a remark on some physical changes I was experiencing.  My mother never even blinked.  Two months later I knew without a shadow of doubt what those physical changes meant. Yep you guessed it.

Before my son was born his father in the quiet of the night left me with the excuse he had not asked for this right now.  I cried for 3 nights exactly, begging to not be pregnant then quietly put his picture away and assumed the position of single mother.  I struggled to pay the rent and panicked over telling my boss I was pregnant.  Telling my parents was scary but nothing like telling a boss who held the ability to fire me.  This was pre-FMLA, not so long ago they could fire you for being single and pregnant.  I carried on.  It was a time of reflection, determination, and a strange connection was building deep within me.

Oh I remember the day he was born!  I adored this bundle.  The hushed whispers weren't hushed enough.  I heard the remarks of being an unwed mother. I felt the judgment.  I also firmly told the nurses if one more person asked me if I was going to give him up for adoption I would rip their heads off.  It was at that point that I finally was able to hold my son, not a couple of hours later but 6 hours later.  He was beautiful!!  He spoke to me and whispered thanks.  Together we walked out into the world ready to face anything it could serve us.

The first 5 months were pure hell.  He had colic and would not sleep.  I had a job that required I show up rested or once again they could fire me.  His father reappeared asking to see his son, apologized, and then broached the subject of his return.  I agreed, said my peace and he became the nanny until he went overseas.  Stories could be told of those months, funny stories but those are his stories not mine to share. His father stayed 18 months and once again my son and I were alone.   

We spent the next 4 years alone together.  It was not all ice cream and cake.  I wasn’t particularly the Martha Stewart of Motherhood.  I loved him and parented the best I knew how.  We giggled, we cried, we yelled, a lot of yelling, we moved, we talked, we read, we lived and knew each other like no one else knew us.  Again changed entered our life. 

Thinking that we needed to add a father into the dynamics  I remarried.  We welcomed him and his children into our life.  This was a whole other ball game, a game that really needed help.  It lasted for 9 years until finally I came home and called it quits.  I left because my son was changing from a caring, loving boy into a bigoted, uncaring robot.  I was responsible for instilling love and care into him and could not stand by as a witness to what he was becoming. 

We left in a cloud of destruction.  It was a very nasty time that blew up any false images I had been hanging on to about myself.  It was the moment we had both been marking time for.

My son and I spent the next 5 years reconnecting and growing.  They were times of mud slinging, blaming, crying, and a return to home.  This time was so welcomed by us both!  We could breath once again.  I left behind everything I thought was true about myself.  I walked straight into a spiritual communion with my soul.  My son walked right beside me discovering who he truly was and what all this had been about. 

For the first time without all the baggage, I watched my son excel and become this incredibly wise man.  We would have deep spiritual discussions of why, how, what, and just because.  He mirrored to me how my ego would interfere with my perceptions.  He taught me how words could change realities and he helped clarified for us why we danced this dance.  I remember having a discussion with him about soul mates and arguing the difference between soul mates and soul partners.  He said to me, “these are just words and labeling used by us to remain in the old paradigm.  There is no difference between the words.   Every person you come into contact is your soul mate/partner.  If we choose, these interactions will offer a deep intimacy.  We get confused and think the intimacy we feel with a soul mate should lead to sex because sex has been our tool to this intimacy.  The common form of sex, the way we use it, is the ego’s use of illusion and deception.’   And his favorite, ‘get over yourself, there are a billion other you’s out there struggling with the same questions, believing the same illusions’. 

I loved those nights of deep discussion and sharing. I relaxed the mother role, welcomed him into a new relationship of being the adult I had seen he would one day become and mentored him as he stepped into his dreams.

Together we woke to a morning that would forever punctuate our lives.  It was a normal early day in May but it wasn’t completely normal.  He struggled with waking up and starting his day.  My appointments for the day had changed twice before 9am. 

The night before we had stayed up late just chatting.  The conversation found itself heading into a baring of our souls to each other.  I apologized to him for not being the mother who could go a day without yelling and keeping his younger years stable.  I told him I was so very proud of him and that the man he was would be an incredible husband and father.  I laughed with him about my sometimes over-the-top stubborn insistence on respecting all women and fighting the good fight.  I told him I loved him the minute I found out I was pregnant through all the years and especially now.  He told me he understood I did the best I could and that he always knew that I would be there for him.  He told me he loved me.  I gave him my blessing to follow his own drummer. We finished the night with a hug and kiss. 

Having this memory of that night would support me through the days and years to come.

At 10:30am on May 4, 1999 I would receive a call that would insure I would never remain the same.  I could recite to you the call, the drive, the scene but I don’t want your sympathy.  What I want is to share with you how the matrix of the heart works.  I admit it has taken me many paragraphs to get to this part.  The words have been condensed considering they cover 21 years.  I wanted to show the pattern of our life together.  The pattern that can never be undone nor redone.  They are years that brought my son and I to a departure.  A departure I would not wish on anyone.  It was divinely orchestrated and held wisdom of the ages, deep eternal love, and required me to truly become who I really am. 

The Matrix of the Heart is how I survived my son’s death.  Yes, at first it was survival.  I hated everyone who had a child. I hated myself for being such a shitty mom.  I hated Josh for leaving.  I especially hated God and all his guardian angels.  I hated life.  At the same time I pleaded with God, the Divine, the Universe to take me back to the exact moment when I arrived at the accident and heard the choir of angels welcoming my Josh home.  I wanted to remain forever in their Grace.  I wanted to remain where I could see Josh walking towards the light, towards the love that knocked me off my feet.  I wanted to go where he went. 

Instead I heard his voice call out to me at night telling me he was ok.  Telling me I had promises to fulfill and reminding me of the discussions we had that were to be shared with others.  In my darkest minute a phone would ring and a stalwart friend would bring me back to the present.  Through my dear friends Josh would speak to me.  They shared with me the way I would always know he was near; the penny which would appear out of nowhere.  They sent emails describing him showing up to ride with them on long trips or sit with them as they moved through their own dark nights.

My heart was shattered into oblivion, ached deeply and constantly.  I found myself alone in my grief.  I questioned my sanity. I prayed, begging God to bring him back knowing full well it would never happen.  I gave myself permission for the very first time in my life to sit with all the pain, the pain of being human.  In sitting with all the pain, I found myself.  I glimpsed the light that would bring me out of the dark.  I did not know nor did I care what my life would become.  I just sat in my pain refusing to build a story around it, allowing it to heal.  I allowed the pain to mend my shattered heart. 

My heart healed because I believed that the love I had for my son could never be destroyed.  I knew that his heart and mine, his heart and those he met, my heart and those I met were deeply entwined never to be broken.  No one could ever take that away from me.  I knew God would never ask me to give up Love.  It was through truly loving that I would live again.

No one except someone who has also lost a child could ever understand this moment in my life.  I did not ask anyone to join me there.  I did seek someone to listen as I wailed and grieved.  I found that someone, those someone’s and I know there were times when they felt helpless and tired of hearing the same song.  They never refused to listen.

I know everything leading up to May 1999 prepared me for his death.  My longing to be understood and loved prepared me.  The innate knowing of something deeper than the world I saw outside my window sustained me.  My stubbornness drove me to push through the pain, confusion and helped me not to give up.  The real piece that allowed me to believe in the light, believe in myself, believe that nothing was ever in vain was my awakening to my soul and Spirit.  It was those early years when I first embraced my true essence that brought me through to share my heart. 

There were times when I was carried by my soul. 

It is not for us to know what lies ahead.  It is for us to trust that we have within us the tools to walk our path.  Our lives are not defined by our stories.  They are only punctuated by the moment.  It is when we allow our stories to direct who we are and where we are going that we are lost from the intimacy of Spirit.  No one can ever walk your path for you.  They can and will walk beside you creating a matrix that gives freely.  The matrix can support you during the punctuated moments.  It will help you to loose the story.  It works because the matrix is the true essence of Spirit, of our souls.  It is up to you what you do with the gift of the matrix.    

I know what I did with the Matrix of the Heart. 

xoxoxo

The Soul Traveler and Josh

Decide ………..

What a big thing…. To Decide.  To decide what it is you want to be when you grow up or perhaps what to wear, what to eat or who to date?  We grow up being told making decisions should be major events.  Yet somehow we know this really isn’t true.

As toddlers we saw, thought and decided all within a split second.  We ventured forward out of our singular space into a larger space.  We grabbed first one toy and then another never pondering for days on end.  We decided to take our first step on our own and then another.  Someone could argue that it appears a child is debating whether to leave the safety of crawling to begin the adventure of walking but if you watch closely you will see that isn’t the case.  The child is content to move at their pace not sit and ponder for days the next move.  

Every single day we make decisions and some we choose to make more impactful than the decision to take another breath.  Why do we do that, how did we get here and what would happen if we took even the “big” decisions in stride like all the other ones we make every single second?  How can we get to this place of innocence and spontaneous decisions again?

Before the Age of Reason the veil is still very thin and often times completely open for many.  The invisible playmates, clips of wisdom, and spontaneous joy shown by children that can seem daunting to those whose veil is securely intact are everyday examples of a thin veil.  Then as time passes we notice that our children begin to mimic us in ways more than just words.  If you notice our children begin to hesitate in making some of the simplest decisions.  Who to play with, what to answer on the myriad of tests that are now required, hesitation in what to wear and on and on.  I do believe that if we were honest with ourselves a niggling deep inside us that we notice with a bit of whimsy, occurs when our children hesitate in their decision making.  That niggling deep inside is our soul reminding us that it hasn’t left and is within our reach,,,, if only we would open the door,,, just ever so slightly.

Your soul is the connection to the Divine. It is the piece of you that knows without a shadow of doubt that you are Divine.  It is the Christ piece so many strive to attain.  It never left and it will never leave.  We might duct tape the door shut, seal it in hopes that the light that peaks out is diminished, we might camouflage the entrance so our uniqueness is smothered and we are deemed normal and sometimes we may nail it shut with 2x4’s and millions of nails in hopes it goes far, far away never to be seen by us and others again. 

Fortunately, these tactics are not forever, our soul finds help in many forms.  One of the most obvious is nature.  When lost in the woods, we may create a grand story of aloneness, but one moment of pause and BLAM the story has a new twist!  Hark, the many wondrous sounds and sights’ surrounding us confirms that soul has crept through the duct tape.  What about all the children?  We recognize soul within them there is no denying that!  Acts of simple kindness is soul peaking out from within another.  And when it seems that darkness has alighted upon us, there reaching out to us in the form of a helping hand, is soul.  I think the most amazing time is when we finally realize that we have created these affirmations to remind us that we are not separate – we are the Divine, we are soul.

Throughout human history we have ensured that our souls are not lost to us forever.  And yet we still struggle with the divine within us.  I remember the gradual lowering of my veil.  I remember wondering at the age of 8 why the magic was being stolen from me.  I remember feeling lost and all alone the day my dad told me I was too old to hold his hand.  And I remember going out into our backyard to sit under a large elm tree looking up into it and wishing I could go home.  Home to where? I paused only shortly and once again wished to go home to where I was not alone and the magic never ended.  I remember climbing high up into the tree embracing each branch as I climbed higher hoping to reach home.  And then it happened.  I nestled myself close against the trunk of the tree held safely by its branches finally realizing that I was here to stay.  But I was no longer feeling alone.  I felt a warmth grow deep within my heart, the comfort of the tree, and a whisper stirring telling me I would not walk alone ever in this life.  From that moment on, I lived by this motto, “I will not grow up to be like you.  I will never be separate from the trees and rocks as long as I walk upon this land.  I will always listen to that voice that arises from within.” 

This decision at 8 years of age was sorely tested and like the divine it has withstood the tests life would throw down in front of me.  My life experiences with soul has had some very quiet moments, some life saving moments, some holy shit batman moments, and some this way please.  I have stood steadfastly to the direction I wished to follow in hopes of smothering my life force only to be guided gently out of the foray into the meadow.   I have been held ever so gently by my soul as my heart lay shattered in a million pieces at my feet, and with each I have found great joy, strength, and the wisdom to continue. 

To allow our soul to truly enter our place of life helping us to change the story is what transforms you into you.  It is at those times that being us brings peace.  We do not travel this life alone.  We have been so smart in creating others in our life.  There may be times when those around us bring stories we wish were never written and yet soul still speaks within those stories always willing to help us heal those stories and leave them far behind.  It is in traversing our journeys that soul speaks, guides, and yes – grabs us.  Soul is not a complicated experience.  It is a simple expression of daily life.  As the sun rises, soul shines, as the child laughs, soul speaks, as the parent embraces, soul nurtures, and as we give, soul rises. Living from your soul makes decisions, simple and natural.  Decision making from your souls' perspective doesn't require days of pondering, list making, or consternation.  It only requires that you listen, feel, and trust that every decision is made for the greater good of you and all.  Be brave and remove the duct tape, the 2x4's and allow the light to shine through and then out of you.  Allow the veil to thin and embrace the courage and wisdom the resides within you.  

Think back to the mantra of Count your Blessings.  Each time you make that list, you are connecting to your soul.  Each moment you say a quiet prayer of thanks, you just welcomed soul in and those hugs you give are an exchange of soul love not just to the recipient but also to you.  Soul knows no boundaries, no limitations, no prejudice; soul only knows the divinity within each of us.

Take time each day to pause and welcome soul in – it doesn’t have to be upon first rising or the end of the day, let the time be spontaneous, let it be guided by your soul.  Don’t make this Decision driven by Hesitation, let it flow as it did when you were small.  You might just find a miracle.

Xoxo – The Soul Traveler

So many ...

This is a very special time of year for everyone no matter your spiritual leanings.  I have so many memories, so much to be grateful for, and so so many changes coming for me.

I sit here in my beautiful home viewing the mountains outside, the sun shining brightly which for Missoula is a feat this time of year, waiting for the days festivities, and so many thoughts and visions flash before me.

Tomorrow will be the final day of my severance and so officially I will be unemployed.  This is such a bizarre thought.  To not have a "steady" income deposited into my lovely bank account to assist it in staying fat and sassy, to no longer have a bi-weekly reminder that I am a viable and functioning American, to not have to rise each morning and go out into the world to assist others to be their Type A best, to not have my adrenals screaming for no more Stress, and to not measure myself in the Corporate Eye… is to say the least - one hell of a Relief!!!   

Don't get me wrong I have always enjoyed my career about 90% of the time and I most definitely enjoyed everyone I was with M-F 8 to 5pm but I never ever felt like it was a true passionate, fulfilling, jaw dropping, wisdom deliverer.  I got up every single morning because that is what you are supposed to do from 12 - 70 years of age. I know there were days when many co-workers would have preferred me to keep my grumpy self at home.  I also know that over time I had to force myself into going to work.  It became harder and harder as I grew older to find passion in my work.  

I looked out upon everyone I knew to see how they were finding joy in heading into work.  I couldn't find their secret.  

What I found for me was a passion, wisdom, and fulfillment from way outside the 'norm' of occupations.  I found a desire to learn and share in very non-traditional 'schools'.  I found that the more I worked closely with where my Soul wanted me to go the happier, inspired, and eager I became.  Working "overtime" when participating in "soul work" never phased me, time didn't exist.  The 9-5 regimen managed to fit into these times of "soul work".  Over time any desire to climb the ladder, be recognized even remotely, and engage in office politics disappeared.  I no longer defined myself by my career.  I defined myself through my Soul.  I found that what once irritated me… office politics became like a speck of dust I noticed and lightly flicked off me. Recently I might catch a glimpse of it but really never noticed it.  I found myself bringing my soul work into my 9-5 and I started to watch its impact.  

I watched as more people gathered around me to 'just catch up' and others who stayed very far away from me. I watched as the turbulent energy of meeting deadlines literally went around me with many coming in to ask, "how do you do that?'  I listened on my last day of employment when co-workers stopped by to say good bye and ended with "I will miss your caring spirit."  I knew then that my career had to be 'soul work' as that is what fed me and my co-workers.

Where will I be in 2014 from a career standpoint?  I really don't know and honestly I really don't care.  The only requirement I have is it must be soul work, feed me passion, draw wisdom, and create joy for everyone.  So my guess is it will be far from the norm.

As we find ourselves on Christmas Eve looking forward, let us remember that this time is a reminder to us of two people following their hearts, their higher guidance, and their willingness to go against the norm to bring into the world a way of living called 'soul work'.  

Warmest Blessings to you and yours - The Soul Traveler.