Where has all the time gone?

Well here it is October 2023 and I think the last time I wrote was 2018….. oh dear where has all the time gone?

Surprisingly it hasn’t gone anywhere. I’ve just walked through my life enjoying it and hurtling over obstacles oblivious of time. We are so often haunted by the ticking of the clock wondering if we will ever accomplish all we came here to do. WE WILL once we realise that our life’s aren’t dictated by the 9-5 or most importantly by others expectations of us. It is amazing how we are driven by artificial influences to our daily life. More often than not we aren’t even aware of these influences as we await the ‘retirement age’ and still feel its nudges years after that arrival to retirement.

Who you are and what you want to experience in life isn’t built around others views of you. We might even know that truth yet find ourselves abruptly heeding someone’s expectation in accomplishing what we thought was our desire. The influences of others is deep within us. It creeps to the surface often unexpectedly and leaves us wondering if all this peeling back of wounded layers will ever end. The truth? It’s a long road home to Us. That road isn’t insurmountable it is only one long, gorgeous, rain + wind driven, uphill, downward slide to unfolding your deeper self. We all know and admire those who seem to have risen above the unending chatter in their negative dialogue yet if they were honest they would tell you it is a daily motivation to uncover and remove the influences that aren’t true to who they know to be them.

From birth and for some from conception their path has been overshadowed. Perhaps it was intentional. My feeling is 99% of the time it is created from the wounding of the family and ancestors. Wounding that for many families no one ever discusses or are actually oblivious to it. Is that an excuse to not do your own discovery and work? Nah you don’t get a pass by blaming others. You do get to express the emotions that arise when you embark upon claiming yourself. You do get to be angry, please be angry, cry buckets, let them flow, and every other emotion that surfaces. Once you’re done feeling and expressing those emotions then own your circumstances and rise up to change them to what you desire.

Oh you say you haven’t a clue what you want. Fair enough. Most of us have no idea who were are or what we really find joy doing as we live our life. Don’t use that as an excuse to hang around and wait. Go experiment. Make a list of what you like if that is your go to. Ask others what they see as your strengths and gifts. Whatever course you choose to discover your gifts long hiding in the underbrush Do Something!

There is plenty of Time to uncover, embrace, and live your true life.

Living a true life means you are honest with yourself, your integrity is honoured, you respect others as you want to be respected (yep I did just throw that in), and you must openly laugh out loud. I could list a million things that don’t equate to a true life. Why should I bother? You know deep within you know what is true for you.

Time has very little to do with living a dictated life. Time has nothing to do with a ticking clock. It is fluid and flexible. It is a reminder to live. It is an honouring of the cycles of this Earth. It is a tool for us to break out and into our soulful life. It beckons us into soul initiations, into embracing growth and empowerment, and to loving each other. It creeps up as the life of our loved ones wain to ask us if we have said everything we need to say. It shines a spotlight on our dreams without a deadline. It holds a mirror up to us begging us to feel, know and embrace everything exquisitely present in our lives.

Time is the sunrise. Time is the sunset. Time is the first bud. Time is the last leaf to fall. Time is the anticipated whisper of snow. Time is you. Time is me. Time is never ending.

Traveling on ~

Teri

What Seems to Be, May Only Be but Just a Seems

I'm so happy you have enjoyed the travelogue postings. I know that the energy of those pictures hold a sacred energy not only for you but also for me.

This undertaking while brave has also been a leap of faith for me. I'm in a world I used to only visit, dream about the next trip, and fantasize a romantic opportunity. Yet how did I get here to this moment in time? How can you get to your moment in time?

Eighteen years ago I came here out of desperation. Divorced 5 years, having just experienced the death of my son, and lost to what I thought was my spiritual path + a dark night of soul I wouldn't wish on anyone I discovered that a dream, a land, and trauma could bring healing if allowed.

Yes, Ireland is amazing beyond comprehension, yet so can Mexico, Japan, France, Norway, downtown Boston, and the Badlands be amazing and transformative. It's not only the land that leads to transformation + realized dreams. All of these desires hinge on our willingness to look ourselves straight in the eyes, heal + own our trauma, embrace our darkness, bring forth our true + honest desires, and LISTEN to our deeper soul guidance.

It requires an honest assessment of our wants that have been suppressed, willingness to own our shit, and the ability to embrace your bodies desires. Now I'm not talking about carnal desires, although they shouldn't be dismissed or overly awarded, I'm talking about our reluctance to Get In Our Bodies and feel this life. The land we walk upon can only support us as deep as we are in our bodies. One can flit across this lifetime, barely feeling the pain + joy, all one wants. If your desire is to truly embody your moment in time then it is best to feel all of the emotions, pain, and ways in which you sabotage yourself. It may not seem like an easy road, it may seem unsurmountable, it may seem like perhaps next life, and all of those Seems are valid. They are also easily discarded.

I've owned many of those Seems. I've also discarded many of them only to have other Seems appear. Even now, living here on my soul land, I have them arise in moments I wish they'd just dither away. The bottom line is the Seems will never disappear. The right now will never arrive, the perfect setting will never arrive, and it's ok if you hang around just like you are now.

There is no scorecard like we've been told. There is only you bringing into your life what you desire, then tossing it aside while you bring what you truly deep down soul desire. Life has its societal timelines. We all have children to raise, parents we care for, jobs to fill, debt to be erased, and mortgages that strangle. We all also have a soul that guides (at times it may appear our soul doesn't understand 3D reality timelines but if we connect deeper it does), perceptions that are false, trauma to heal, and ample room to balance life + our soul path.

What I am trying to say is - this isn't an either or game.

Life is a weaving. It's snags and missed stitches. It's a beautiful tapestry filled with all your desires, missteps, bottomed out moments, achievements seen + unseen, and fuck it I don't want to go this deep moments.

I honestly don't perceive what I have just done moving here to Ireland as mind blowing. Maybe I should. Maybe I should really let this decision rock my socks. Maybe I should own this all the way down into my bones. I haven't. In some part of me it just seems normal. I must make sure I'm not denying myself the thrill, the joy, the painful, ecstatic feeling of OMG because that self expression was squashed at age eight.

Hmmm perhaps I've got a Seems. See we all have them and we all have the ability to see them, own them, and send them on their way.

May you always feel deep.

May you always love you.

May you always give others a pass on their Seems. May you one day realize there is no timeline.

May you always leap.

May your Seems just be Seems and never deterrents.

Dither, Dather, and Deep Healing

Going on five and half weeks and where do I begin?

There is an embedded culture in each of us. Whether you have been thriving within the social structures and standing outside pursuing your own path the predominant culture seeps in to your psyche and steers your ship.

I have known for decades that my home was in Ireland. I have known since early childhood the land I found myself was not my natural home. The trees, animals, soil and plants gave me comfort. It was these aspects that guided my inner knowing and growth. They were the buffer to the whirlwind of people I found I was to call family and friends. I didn’t hate them only found them confusing, hurtful, and lacking in guidance. Could I label these experiences as a child, young woman + mother as I climbed out of the pain, trauma, and set a course to reclaim myself? Not really because I had no human frame of reference for the world I found myself.

What I could fathom and clung to desperately was the solitude of the land, a few kindred souls, and dedication of non-physical guidance. It was these aspects that I drew upon for guidance, lead me to those who could help me to begin the healing and dedication to live fully within my body + emotions. As often as I was told I wasn’t grounded, I knew I was one of the few that resolved to understand how my mind, body and soul was not separate. I was willing to feel the pain, determined to observe, test my emotions, and face the darkness. I wasn’t always successful, heightened some traits to extreme, and definitely harmed others as I fought my way forward. I had on ace up my sleeve. Born a joyful being, I refused to allow that joy to be crushed and destroyed. It’s that joy I missed the most.

My first visit to Ireland, as I have spoken often, ripped off the blinders. I was home on a strange and beautiful land. Having held sacred my ability to observe the deeper workings of life, I began to notice my reactions, non-reactions, and nurturing that occurred just standing on the land. Not only did gentle voices fill my head, music filled my ears, and my body trembled with the unspoken understanding coming from silent people passing, rock fences, and determined winds. The rains over those 7 days washed the tears falling from my broken heart. I was welcomed.

Now I am living on this nurturing island. Little did I know the depth of healing, facing my darkness, and allowing love into a daily life I would have to face before I could settle into making Ireland my home. The cultural influence of the US would often impeded my path. Eventually I had to let go of how things had always been.

For 2 weeks I stumbled along surprising myself at my ineptitude, regression, and reluctance. I couldn’t remember appointments, was terrified of taking mass transit, cowered as I walked along the busy streets, determined to not let anyone know I was fumbling, yet holding strong to my soul’s guidance + whispered words from my lifetime Goddesses + Gods. My ancestors were quiet, my son was mute, and my soul flashed past event after event both day + night. Through all of it I found daily joy watching the Lollipop man + woman guiding the children to school, knowing I was held tight in another shaman’s home, laughing at my ability to get lost, and my determination to walk, even it I stumbled, towards to a life I thought at the early age of 4 was gone from me.

On the Solstice I was gifted the opportunity to visit Loughcrew, travel down into the Morrigan’s cave, and stand upon Medb’s land in Rathcroghan. I visited these sacred sites as the woman from the US who had returned to Ireland. It was a moving and deep communion. I was welcomed once again. Upon arriving at our last place, Uisneach, everything changed. The skies opened, the rain poured down, and the energies shifted + swirled around me.

I entered Uisneach as a student, welcoming the stories + sacred rituals being presented by a new Irish teacher. I was drenched and feeling restless when the possibility of turning back was presented. We gathered around a fire and discussed splitting up into separate groups. I chose to continue on to the Cat Stone. The sun returned. It was here I was rebirthed leaving behind the US woman and claiming a new culture and life. Little did I know what I had done. Was I willing to be taught? Was I willing to be changed? Was I willing to release the chains around my Joy and live unbridled? Was I willing to be?

Saddled with the worst sinus infection in years within days of leaving Uisneach, the flashbacks, pain, and decisions rampaged. I stubbornly brushed off assistance of healing medicine. I was determined I could take care of myself. I wandered in a daze believing I was moving forward. My old archetypes I had successfully used in the US deterred my healing. My right jaw screamed in pain. I was not making progress. I bawled each morning as I watched the Lollipop man nurture the young children while my own childhood memories flooded every waking hour pleading for his kindness. I made myself as tiny as possible within the space I was residing, ignoring the requests from my friend to ‘make myself at home’, hoping to not intrude into her life. Every rental place I visited in Westport denied me. I wasn’t losing hope. I was determined to face the pain, memories, allow my body a voice, and release the hard, competitive, non-supportive cultural upbringing of the US. Although I had always stood outside the US society I had swallowed hook, line and sinker the cultural malaise.

Through all of this I was being buffeted by a land that poured acceptance, unconditional love and the wisdom hidden in trauma. I was swimming in overwhelm. Unable to tread this sea I found myself drowning in love so thick I had only one choice. A beautiful aspect of being in community with those who have done their work is their willingness to offer an intervention. I received that gift one evening as I was called out on my stubbornness. Putting into words, my one choice, I heard my friend clearly. It wasn’t are you going to sink or swim. It was, ‘Do you want your joy?’

For days after I was bombarded with questions. Are you willing to overwhelm yourself with You? Are you willing to accept your divine right to life? Are you willing to embrace all the healing you have done and gifted to others as an integral aspect of your being? Can you walk as tall as your Avatar? Can you allow yourself to be happy even as you stumble, bumble, dither, and dather?

These questions aren’t new to me. I ask them often and answer them as truthfully as I can in the moment. There is difference in these now. To answer these question, I had to be willing to die to 66.5 years of my life. All aspects of the trauma, disconnection, beliefs, mannerisms, and cultural indoctrination of individuality. I had to be willing to accept community. A community that required my sensitivity, empathy, insights, courage, and dithering + dathering. A community that could care less if I wore flowers in my hair + danced in the moonlight. A community that honored integrity and forthrightness.

Ireland is full of people lacking in all these qualities. It isn’t a miracle place. It isn’t a romantic getaway from your healing. It’s filled with arrogant sob’s and angry + forgotten souls. It’s not a place for everyone. The land is a beacon in the dark for those who are called to it. The call may be for only a bit or for a lifetime. This land knows pain, wisdom, and has never forgotten what unconditional love means. It will swallow you up and spit you out naked upon its rocky shores. It will demand you are true to your soul. It will require you change, not change it. It remembers. It forgives and never forgets. It welcomes everyone yet isn’t for everyone. It leads the way and can follow when required. It is stubborn yet yielding, childish yet wise, and demands honor while giving honor in return. It is many things and nothing. It will nudge you along as far as you want to go. It is only one place in this world that will help you answer the call. Make no mistake it isn’t utopia. It may make you feel a nurturing you’ve never felt and still not be your home yet help you find where it is.

As I share its beauty with you and you begin to romantically envision a haven for you, remember a land is only as supportive as you are willing to be to yourself. Any land will not do your work for you. Your responsibility is to do your own work and face the pain hidden within your body. The joy + love I am expressing is palpable because I am releasing + embodying love + joy for myself regardless of my location. The land in the US welcomed me + allowed me to heal my 66 years because I honored it and myself. I honored the First Nations and their wisdom whose land is the place we call the US. Many of you are welcome to call the US home because you have a sacred contract. A contract that must be honored by honoring those generations who tended its soul for thousands of years. The lands of the US placed demands on me as I walked upon them. I fought for civil rights, raised my voice against atrocities and inequalities, and learned my craft so I could offer it to myself and others. These demands I answered and gave back to the best of my abilities.

The land of Ireland asks demands of me also if I am to live here. The requirements aren’t necessarily only of a civic duty except to live honorably and care for the disenfranchised. There are other ancestral soulful demands I am being asked. The exact requests will be revealed and require me to continue to heal, step further into my wisdom, and live a deep shamanic life. How and what it will look is yet to unfold. I will always be student + teacher upon this land. Culturally I must relinquish my US ways daily. My American edges will have to be dropped or smoothed. My ears must be tuned to the vibrations and my stubbornness must be tempered with a willingness to be nurtured. My introverted ways of protection must be balanced with my extroverted joy.

This is long I know. Where I once suppressed my gift of gab it is now bursting through sprinkled with my dancing feet + swaying hips. The little girl who would sit under the elm tree, playing in the soil making special portions as she sang her heart out, dancing to the melody blaring from the leaves, has been welcomed home. As hard as I try to silence the urgings of my ancient archetypical bard this past week I can no longer clench my teeth + sit on my hands. I have to write and follow my path.

Slán go fóill

Sometimes ...

It has been a while since I have felt strong enough to write, not because I have been sick or frightened. Lately so much has been asked of me to contemplate, resolve, experience, rebuild, create oh hell just to be!

I often run from what Spirit asks of me.  Oh yeah, I do.  It becomes a game of hide and seek, you know that one we learned to perfection as children.  Little did we know it had a bigger purpose. HA!

It wasn't yesterday that I started on this journey of living my life how I wanted to live it.  Oh no, I have done tons and I mean tons of work on healing the wounding that took place in my 'growing up years' and even to today.  Yet I always knew that as damaged as society tried to make me think I was, I wasn't .... LOL not even.

One could go on about damage and loving yourself.  I could tell you stories that would raise your eyebrows but why?  We all hold stories of damage but we seldom share stories of recover of self. Why don't we?  No one comes out of this life not having experienced collateral damage. No one!  And all of us can discover our true self and the deep divine love held within that discovery.

We all can leave this lifetime with the understanding of and living from our true self.  I am not like you however I am exactly like you.  You bleed, I bleed. You cry, I cry. You get angry, I can get angry. I laugh, you laugh. I need, you need.  I am you, you are me!

Sometimes we are each other ~ laughing and crying. In our hurry to just Be, we forget to stop and let go.  We forget to see the other person.  Our reluctance to embrace self-love, self-acceptance, and self-nurturing builds a world around us that reflects the wounding from believing others opinions. From not believing in our ability to love and be the divinity we relish our world pains us.  

We are all gifted to understand the inner workings of the magic of life yet often we forget to see, hear, and reach out to those who know our value.  Inside there is an urging that says I am you, You are me!

On February 26, 2016, I turned 63 years old and at exactly 4:16pm MST I was gifted another birth certificate that said, "Congratulations you are an Irish citizen."  Think about it.

I am you reborn, You are me reborn.  There is always time for rebirth.

Let's celebrate!

Traveling on ~

The Soul Traveler

Warriors Cry Real Tears ..... Too

It is my walks in nature where I find my inspiration.  I don't think I am alone in this occurring.  We all have those times when we really let go of our daily grind.  Nature just seems to be the perfect 'spot' for it all to slip away.

Recently I was struck by a thought that sprang to mind as I wandered away from the maddening football crowd.  The noise drifted further and further leaving me present to the dusty trail and the minuscule amount of others joining me.  Contemplating on the gorgeous blue skyline with its wisps of promising clouds the thought of how my years of overwhelming sensitivity had awakened this fierce fortitude kept pushing at me to not be ignored.  This unwavering ability to reach deep into the darkest depths of others lives, soul loss, and pain.  How the fortitude had supported me in finding the strength to heal my darker wounds, releasing this amazing Joan of Arc aspect.  This Kali fire that had laid hidden deep now fueled my very being.  Somehow I had become the warrior I was destined to be this lifetime.  

Early on this extreme sensitivity laid me open for all to see, to be trampled on, to suck me dry energetically, it became a constant burden yet I could not discard it upon the heap and walk away.  As I walked through this life I was reminded daily by others that I wore my heart on my sleeve, to stop the crying for god sake, suck it up, and the best one was, "Oh here we go again," echoed through my head.  I could barely stomach large crowds still not my favorite without gobs of protection.  I didn't get sick or have a headache instead I grew restless, fidgety, a claustrophobic fence grew around me and I would dart.  Often I remained outside by myself literally and figuratively.  I would play with the neighborhood children but only when I wanted and always with an escape route.  Somehow I knew if I was ever cornered or someone I cared about was bullied, I would come out swinging.  

I liked being around people.  It was what occurred that drove me crazy.  It was the pain I felt from them, the cries for help, the wounded soul that begged me to listen.  I didn't know how to protect myself.  Still I helped, oh yes, I helped.  I listened, encouraged, walked them to solutions, laughed making them see the funny side, and then I went home tired and drained.  I carried all the wounding on my shoulders and in my heart.  I became their little angel.  I grew tired and aged past my years.

Overtime I learned how to protect myself.  I relinquished their burdens and stopped carrying them.  I discovered how to help them help themselves.  The turning point was when I finally embraced that I was a warrior.  Finding the finesse of the soul sword and how to deftly wield it on behalf of others broke the crack wide open on my extreme sensitivity.  Most who know me now have a hard time seeing me as the sensitive introvert.  What is apparent to them is my ability to kick ass and take names, my gregarious ways, and pull to have deep conversations.  If they look closely they will see the quiet one watching all the interchanges, feeling the ebb and flow of the energy, seeing the real story, and listening very closely ~ the warrior at work.

As we have lived our lives in the company of others we begin to perceive ourselves through their eyes.  We forget how to decipher the light + dark sides of our essence.  We mistake for instance our gregarious nature as a conflict to our desire for solitude.  We don't see either of them as pluses in our relating to others.  We think of them as a battleground for fitting in.  When we tweak our view just a bit our solitude becomes the place for figuring out what our gregarious nature just learned.  Why the person we just met is hurting deep within.  The person whose presence is pulling our energy away creating headaches, or sickness, or claustrophobia; the physical manifestations of a very sensitive introvert.  

We are not being asked to fix or lay down any aspect of our true soul nature.  It is up to us though to configure those aspects and find a home place for our sensitivity and desire for aloneness.  These are gifts and like all gifts sometimes their brilliance hurts our human eyes.  Remember it is okay to wear sunglasses inside.

We all know spiritual warriors and for many of us our soul song line is the warrior path.  It is expected that the warrior will stand and face the music for the tribe.  They travel into the depths of despair battling for our soul pieces and protecting the Truth.  Swords of valor, eyes of steel, and hearts all encompassing become the warrior creed for all who walk this soul song line.  

There is a piece seldom shown except in introverted moments.  It is what becomes the badge of courage.

Spiritual warriors cry real tears...... Too

Traveling on...... The Soul Traveler xoxo

The Onion Skin ..... Whew!

We have all been at this game a very long time plugging away at the wounds and fears that have culminated over many years and many lifetimes.  When I first pulled the brake on the merry-go-round, I went in search of ways to release the wild woman in me.  I went searching for a way to stop the continual repetitive nonsense that occurred in my life.  I went in search of the tool to help peel the onion skin we call life.

For over 20 years I have peeled and peeled away my fears, ego-driven decisions and patterns, + my wounds.  Early on after a major shift and healing, breathing a sigh of relief, I would erroneously think I had finally released it + life would be grand.  Eventually I realized that my onion had many layers. HA!

Seeking help for the abuse from my teen years from traditional + non-traditional modalities, large pieces were discovered, healed, and released.  I understood it would take time to find my way through the wounding.  I embraced each opportunity.  As all of us have I experienced my fair share of wounding..  I can't say mine has been any worse than anyone else.  What I can say is I sought healing.  I dislike feeling wounded.  I like feeling alive.

When the brake was pulled and I woke up to the fact that I was so much more, my deeper sense showed me that healing had to take place on all levels.  The levels of mind, body, & soul.  Healing only one aspect of me wasn't deep and true healing.  If I left the body out it would flair up later throwing a wrench into my life.  My mind, well it's cunningness would just plain shut the whole plan down.  My soul led the charge so I always knew where it stood!

Naturally I have always tended to my body, watching its reaction and cradling it in self-care.  Broken bones were very minimal.  I trampled over soccer fields, scaled trees, lifted poundage few can, and danced till dawn.  Sure there are times I wondered why I needed an extra 3 hours of sleep, or the extra body fat lingered longer than I wanted, but I never thought my body wasn't magnificent.  Self care of this amazing gift was easy, delightful.  Now she was screaming and I couldn't find the secret.  

About a year ago, I began to experience strong pain in my hip area.  My ability to move or sit & stand for long periods was significantly hampered.  Cursing my age and refusing to succumb to the charge of "this is what happens when you get older" I sought support.  My pelvic area was screaming daily!  I have a very high pain tolerance so when I say screaming, well I think you get it.  Determined I searched for relief.

Finally ~ I discovered a way to release the muscles around my pelvic bones.  I started with exercises while I searched for a rolfer and physician.  A doctor came on the scene eventually.  She was my first experience with a Doctor of Osteopathic Medicine.  I was actually touched for 45 minutes not just once but 3 separate sessions.  After that amazing experience I walked away with relief and an understanding of the physical root cause of my pain.  This is a lovely story but what does this have to do with the Onion?

For over 3 weeks now, since starting the self-care of my body, every wounding around this area, wounding that has been there for over 50 years came bursting forth.  The muscles screaming was the pain long held so tightly.  My muscles vowed that they would hold that pain so it could not hurt me and assure no one could see it.  The pelvic girdle was my armor.  It absorbed the abuse, the traumatic birthing of my son, the wild woman wounding, and grabbed everything that threatened my heart.   The Onion had burst upon the scene demanding to be picked and devoured.  

The race was on to bring the healing to the deepest part of me.  Things I had not thought of for ages surfaced during the day and especially at night.  My nighttime travels were halted.  The stars came in force, the guides suited up, and tackled, snuggled and down right knocked the wounding out of the ball park.  Driving in rush hour traffic in a town of 65,000, I found myself yelling at them to move taking myself back to years of Denver + I-25 traffic only to realize another layer was asking to be peeled, that layer of feeling out of control.  I know I am not in control of the outside world.  The red flag had surface and off I went to heal the wound that was asking to be seen.  Exhausted from the pain, I sat one night allowing the tears to form, suddenly a hummingbird sat beside me on the trellis, releasing two streams of nectar, turned to look at me and flew away.  Healing surrounded me.

A long time ago I learned that healing for this lifetime won't be done by any certain date.  Healing takes times.  Healing is self-care.  Healing is being the wild woman.  What I can do is minimize the wounding.  I can heal whatever comes now quickly.  The wounding is no longer buried out of fear and misunderstanding.  At times the wounding becomes a grand experiment.  Like a bug under the microscope I love to dissect it, watch to see what works best to heal, and discover the inner wealth I hold to bring forth my secret cure.  Is the cure recognizing my worth, who I am and how I am in the world, or is it something as simple as a smile and acceptance?

Life is filled with adventures.  None of them are better or worse.  All of them draw us closer to who we are and our purpose.  How we react to them creates the wounding or the empowerment. Learning to peel that onion with all our tools frees us up to enjoy our life fully.  

My tool bag is always packed.  How about you?

Traveling on - The Soul Traveler XOXO

I once hated it too.... And now ?

Yes I once hated winter!  The howling wind, the soft freezing snowflakes, the long dark days, and the harsh relentless cold.  I froze from September to mid-April.  Depression only lifted when the chinooks started to blow.  I gained a minimum of 5 pounds + looked like a shriveled up old lady in my 20's from trying to keep myself warm.  I lived in the winter sunbelt of Colorado and still couldn't find anything wonderful about winter.  One long cold evening walk from work, as I shivered my way down the final street, ice forming on my eyelashes, I made a promise to the god above who was withholding all my joy, to never again complain about winter, to never WHINE again if he would just bring spring back!  He kept his part of the bargain with early chinook winds in March and I kept mine.  I never complained in fear of retaliation.  But it didn't really stop me from hating winter.

I took my frustrations out on autumn.  You know those warning months of whats to come ~ splendor that hides the truth!  Depression crept into my life each Labor Day.  I began squirreling away sweaters, marshmallows, & heavy socks.  The thought of overcoats on top of Halloween costumes scared the beejesus out of me.  But I never complained once about winter. NEVER!

For some reason newly acquired friend I was to discover was in love with autumn or fall as we say here in the West.  I listened aghast as she delighted in all the changes occurring.  Finally summoning my courage I asked her why she loved fall and not my favorites spring or summer.  I stood stunned as she regaled fall's attributes and slammed my beloved twins (well cousins) spring + summer.  I scoffed at her and secretly went home to contemplate her words.

Finally years later I understood the why and how of Earth's seasons.  Clarity shined on the deeper truth in my vow of No Whining.  Something that had completely escaped me for decades. I felt and understood my friends love for autumn and the beauty it held.  She opened my eyes to something deeper than just the leaves changing, the scent of wood burning, the harvesting of the summers bounty.  I discovered the wisdom in all the seasons, not just my beloved spring + summer.

The true test was could I find that same love in the long dark drawwwwn out months of winter?  Could I welcome winter with the same zest I welcomed spring?  Was I willing to really let the truth, the soul truth, strike open my heart for winter?  It took time.  Yet I finally let winter show me her splendor and wisdom.  

No, I don't rush to the ski slopes each year, those days are long past.  I don't frolic in the deep snow and dream of sipping hot cocoa.  I do listen quietly as the bitter cold moves into the land.  I watch as the birds battle against the harsh wind and wonder about the symbology.  I delight in the blast of frozen air each time I open the door, gasping in surprise.  Bundled up in layers I walk daily returning to shelter with a glimpse of new knowledge of my world + me.  

I have come to realize that I make my experiences great or small.  It is my ability to accept myself leading me to accepting my outside world that brings joy or peace.  Don't get me wrong I still shiver for 5 months out of the year but I don't harbor resentment towards Winter.  Nature's personalities are but reflections of the world she watches over.  Storms rage to bring us deeper into ourselves and show us where we may be stuck whining and not changing.  Sun shines welcoming us to open to who we are.  Rain nourishes the land reminding us to take time to nourish our world, our soul.  Drought reminds us that often what we love can be lost.  There is so much symbolic expression in our seasons.  Just like each season there isn't a one-size fits all explanation for the messages being delivered. 

I still don't complain about winter.  I promised 40 years ago and I don't break my promises.  Each season brings with it very different expressions.  Just like the barometer tells us the changes in weather, how I respond tells me where I am in my heart.  

Look deep into all our amazing seasons.  Find the message hidden in plain sight for you.  Welcome that message into your home, give it a cuppa, and hear the words.  Wisdom isn't always hidden, it is only waiting for us to see with plain eyes.

Traveling on xoxo

The Soul Traveler

Fireside Chat with Crones - Suzanne Wigginton

There are those moments in time when what you imagine an event could be and what takes place do not disappoint.  Those are special times and are often marked by divinity's essence and blessing.

The Fireside Chat for October waited to appear until the end of the month.  The taping was originally scheduled for the evening of October 21 and that morning I rose knowing that there would be a need to reschedule.  I reached out to Suzanne offering flexibility and it was readily accepted.  Not concerned about moving it to the next week and sending supporting energy to Suzanne, I glanced at the calendar discovering that Mercury would not be going direct until Saturday, October 25, and giggled.  The Universe knows the normal computer challenges I still wrestle with in the creation of these chats and once again had interceded on our behalf.   I am not one to shy away from Mercury retrogrades and often welcome the opportunity to use that time to review and tweak my growth yet I do honor its placement in our lives and know it can be a trickster.

Arriving at our scheduled time the next week came with a lightness and no rushing in preparing for the chat.  The moment proceeded to descend into its slot with a very distinct flavor of beauty.  It is really hard to explain in words and yet this particular flavor of beauty is very present within the video.

Working and chatting with Suzanne has always brought both of us many moments of deep Ah-ha's and pivotal shifts for our individual lives.  It is a friendship that developed during our shamanic apprenticeship 3 years ago, blossomed on a trip to Ireland, and matured over many a night of giggling and honesty.  Reflecting as I write this, I really shouldn't have been surprised that the imagined exchange between us became a reality.

Our discussion reflects the steps we have taken into our crone years.  I, being baptized into my crone-hood several years ago and Suzanne just inching her way onto the crone path, both of us represent the higher request - to ignite the light for crones anywhere on their path, mentor those to come, and bring back into the world the beauty of the wisdom of the elders.

Reaching a 'certain age' one should have it all by then, have it all accomplished and as we chatted, .... "hope you have accomplished everything you set out to do...Well WHY???  I still have the magic and majesty of my Crone years now to create something else altogether if I choose to........ and that's a piece I think we are missing overall a piece we have lost."  

As women, we should all be cookie bakers and apron wearers but by who's standards?  Cookies and aprons are needed in the world as well as the Maxine's.  Life hasn't ended just because we are crones.

As long time crones, new crones, or just embarking, what is it we so want to accomplish before we depart? What is it that we can bring to this world that helps mentor all of us, all women, men, & children, past, present and future?  To know the magic of the world, to just be in it, is one of the many gifts the crone brings to the world.  To understand that we, as crones, come full circle and are back in the energy of the divine child is a much needed quality in this world.  What inner child dreams are whispering to you to come full circle and experience?  

There is so much depth in this chat!  I have so enjoyed listening over and over to the exchange of two women desiring to bring more into the world, bring to all who have experienced a disconnect to the empowerment of our later wisdom years. We don't have the answers but we are willing to ask the questions hoping to ignite the light in the darkness that has laid dormant for women generation after generation of the wisdom that comes from living our lives as fully as we can.  We ALL hold a piece for each other.  

I hope you enjoy this chat as much as we enjoyed creating it.  I am honored to have Suzanne be apart of this much bigger piece that the Universe is driving.

I welcome your comments, thoughts, and dreams.  Being a crone is about being you, the divine essence that is here now, asking to be given a voice, a signature that will add upon the light brightening this awesome aspect of life...... the final journey.  

And the journey continues ~ The Soul Traveler

Connect with Suzanne here ~ 

Website www.suzannewigginton.com

Email suzanne@suzannewigginton.com

Souls Aloft Radio www.blogtalkradio.com/suzannewigginton

FB  www.facebook.com/timeforyou

Decide ………..

What a big thing…. To Decide.  To decide what it is you want to be when you grow up or perhaps what to wear, what to eat or who to date?  We grow up being told making decisions should be major events.  Yet somehow we know this really isn’t true.

As toddlers we saw, thought and decided all within a split second.  We ventured forward out of our singular space into a larger space.  We grabbed first one toy and then another never pondering for days on end.  We decided to take our first step on our own and then another.  Someone could argue that it appears a child is debating whether to leave the safety of crawling to begin the adventure of walking but if you watch closely you will see that isn’t the case.  The child is content to move at their pace not sit and ponder for days the next move.  

Every single day we make decisions and some we choose to make more impactful than the decision to take another breath.  Why do we do that, how did we get here and what would happen if we took even the “big” decisions in stride like all the other ones we make every single second?  How can we get to this place of innocence and spontaneous decisions again?

Before the Age of Reason the veil is still very thin and often times completely open for many.  The invisible playmates, clips of wisdom, and spontaneous joy shown by children that can seem daunting to those whose veil is securely intact are everyday examples of a thin veil.  Then as time passes we notice that our children begin to mimic us in ways more than just words.  If you notice our children begin to hesitate in making some of the simplest decisions.  Who to play with, what to answer on the myriad of tests that are now required, hesitation in what to wear and on and on.  I do believe that if we were honest with ourselves a niggling deep inside us that we notice with a bit of whimsy, occurs when our children hesitate in their decision making.  That niggling deep inside is our soul reminding us that it hasn’t left and is within our reach,,,, if only we would open the door,,, just ever so slightly.

Your soul is the connection to the Divine. It is the piece of you that knows without a shadow of doubt that you are Divine.  It is the Christ piece so many strive to attain.  It never left and it will never leave.  We might duct tape the door shut, seal it in hopes that the light that peaks out is diminished, we might camouflage the entrance so our uniqueness is smothered and we are deemed normal and sometimes we may nail it shut with 2x4’s and millions of nails in hopes it goes far, far away never to be seen by us and others again. 

Fortunately, these tactics are not forever, our soul finds help in many forms.  One of the most obvious is nature.  When lost in the woods, we may create a grand story of aloneness, but one moment of pause and BLAM the story has a new twist!  Hark, the many wondrous sounds and sights’ surrounding us confirms that soul has crept through the duct tape.  What about all the children?  We recognize soul within them there is no denying that!  Acts of simple kindness is soul peaking out from within another.  And when it seems that darkness has alighted upon us, there reaching out to us in the form of a helping hand, is soul.  I think the most amazing time is when we finally realize that we have created these affirmations to remind us that we are not separate – we are the Divine, we are soul.

Throughout human history we have ensured that our souls are not lost to us forever.  And yet we still struggle with the divine within us.  I remember the gradual lowering of my veil.  I remember wondering at the age of 8 why the magic was being stolen from me.  I remember feeling lost and all alone the day my dad told me I was too old to hold his hand.  And I remember going out into our backyard to sit under a large elm tree looking up into it and wishing I could go home.  Home to where? I paused only shortly and once again wished to go home to where I was not alone and the magic never ended.  I remember climbing high up into the tree embracing each branch as I climbed higher hoping to reach home.  And then it happened.  I nestled myself close against the trunk of the tree held safely by its branches finally realizing that I was here to stay.  But I was no longer feeling alone.  I felt a warmth grow deep within my heart, the comfort of the tree, and a whisper stirring telling me I would not walk alone ever in this life.  From that moment on, I lived by this motto, “I will not grow up to be like you.  I will never be separate from the trees and rocks as long as I walk upon this land.  I will always listen to that voice that arises from within.” 

This decision at 8 years of age was sorely tested and like the divine it has withstood the tests life would throw down in front of me.  My life experiences with soul has had some very quiet moments, some life saving moments, some holy shit batman moments, and some this way please.  I have stood steadfastly to the direction I wished to follow in hopes of smothering my life force only to be guided gently out of the foray into the meadow.   I have been held ever so gently by my soul as my heart lay shattered in a million pieces at my feet, and with each I have found great joy, strength, and the wisdom to continue. 

To allow our soul to truly enter our place of life helping us to change the story is what transforms you into you.  It is at those times that being us brings peace.  We do not travel this life alone.  We have been so smart in creating others in our life.  There may be times when those around us bring stories we wish were never written and yet soul still speaks within those stories always willing to help us heal those stories and leave them far behind.  It is in traversing our journeys that soul speaks, guides, and yes – grabs us.  Soul is not a complicated experience.  It is a simple expression of daily life.  As the sun rises, soul shines, as the child laughs, soul speaks, as the parent embraces, soul nurtures, and as we give, soul rises. Living from your soul makes decisions, simple and natural.  Decision making from your souls' perspective doesn't require days of pondering, list making, or consternation.  It only requires that you listen, feel, and trust that every decision is made for the greater good of you and all.  Be brave and remove the duct tape, the 2x4's and allow the light to shine through and then out of you.  Allow the veil to thin and embrace the courage and wisdom the resides within you.  

Think back to the mantra of Count your Blessings.  Each time you make that list, you are connecting to your soul.  Each moment you say a quiet prayer of thanks, you just welcomed soul in and those hugs you give are an exchange of soul love not just to the recipient but also to you.  Soul knows no boundaries, no limitations, no prejudice; soul only knows the divinity within each of us.

Take time each day to pause and welcome soul in – it doesn’t have to be upon first rising or the end of the day, let the time be spontaneous, let it be guided by your soul.  Don’t make this Decision driven by Hesitation, let it flow as it did when you were small.  You might just find a miracle.

Xoxo – The Soul Traveler