The Journey Continues .... and we all join

Wow what a year so far it has been for so many. 

So many significant events have come, gone and some still carry on, that the chaos of change has, and I think I can say honestly, all of us swirling!

Standing Rock called everyone out of the sleep! It asked us were we really serious about protecting this planet, our children and grand children, and standing on the brink for what we believed was true.  It also held up to us who we might be appropriating an expression of spirituality that wasn't ours. 

Black Live Matter showed us our privilege as a White race. It really asked us to own it or go home. 

The election of Donald Trump showed us how deeply asleep we were, how disconnected from each other, and asked us were we really serious about equality and freedom.

Still the journey continues and how are we going to travel? What is really important to you? Do you really walk your talk? Is your spirituality based on Indigenous tribes that aren't our ancestry? Is our privilege harming those we say we fight to protect?

Is love and light going to change the world? Is the love we say we offer strong enough?

Are we sharing and teaching from our ancestral medicine? Are we sharing and teaching to make a buck?  Is our wildness really ours? Is it really expressed? Do we own it?

These are questions that only we can answer. 

For me, I have focused my uncovering on my ancestral medicine. As I learn, I am finding that other memories, doorways, and mentors enter my life. My ancestral wisdom and healing comes flowing up into my consciousness. The unconscious patterns come forward. I have a choice to change them, create healing around them or embrace them as a way of being. There is a wisdom in the simple life they lived. Yes it was hard and often short but it was full and free. I am not naive enough to think the Irish famine was a walk in the park or any other hardship many of our ancestors experienced. Slavery certainly wasn't a joy. It was filled with violence and hatred.

Our ancestors did find a moment to love and feel joy. A human experience isn't without its pitfalls and persecutions. I do believe that they had a connection to the land that we only glimpse. They had a connection to a deeper story steeped in a sacred living. It was this deeper sacred story that helped them to wake each morning. It helped them to bring life into the world that was harsh. 

As I relinquish the many possessions in my life I find a simplicity. I have more time to be on the land whether it is in hiking or walking around town. I am in the world enjoying its various flavors and humans. My ancestral medicine contains within it a responsibility to protect, preserve, love, and relish the land, these crazy humans, and amazing animals. It is the combination of this spiritual ownership with the celebration of our value that brings about joy, strength and eventually change.

I would gladly go back to the Neolithic Age where we lived in communion with the land, people and animals. Where the magic of our life sustained us and helped to birth new life. When we looked to the Stars and knew we were connected to a greater expansive existence. When we didn't need to conquer in order to feel whole.

As white Europeans, especially Americans, we have lost our medicine. This loss has created a constant search for wholeness. Our souls ache, our bodies ache, our minds wander in search for the magic, the connection, and the communion our ancestors knew.

For me it is time to own the past, present and future darkness of hatred and greed as well as the lightness of the joys and love. 

Join me, there is room for all.

Traveling on ~

The Soul Traveler

Sometimes ...

It has been a while since I have felt strong enough to write, not because I have been sick or frightened. Lately so much has been asked of me to contemplate, resolve, experience, rebuild, create oh hell just to be!

I often run from what Spirit asks of me.  Oh yeah, I do.  It becomes a game of hide and seek, you know that one we learned to perfection as children.  Little did we know it had a bigger purpose. HA!

It wasn't yesterday that I started on this journey of living my life how I wanted to live it.  Oh no, I have done tons and I mean tons of work on healing the wounding that took place in my 'growing up years' and even to today.  Yet I always knew that as damaged as society tried to make me think I was, I wasn't .... LOL not even.

One could go on about damage and loving yourself.  I could tell you stories that would raise your eyebrows but why?  We all hold stories of damage but we seldom share stories of recover of self. Why don't we?  No one comes out of this life not having experienced collateral damage. No one!  And all of us can discover our true self and the deep divine love held within that discovery.

We all can leave this lifetime with the understanding of and living from our true self.  I am not like you however I am exactly like you.  You bleed, I bleed. You cry, I cry. You get angry, I can get angry. I laugh, you laugh. I need, you need.  I am you, you are me!

Sometimes we are each other ~ laughing and crying. In our hurry to just Be, we forget to stop and let go.  We forget to see the other person.  Our reluctance to embrace self-love, self-acceptance, and self-nurturing builds a world around us that reflects the wounding from believing others opinions. From not believing in our ability to love and be the divinity we relish our world pains us.  

We are all gifted to understand the inner workings of the magic of life yet often we forget to see, hear, and reach out to those who know our value.  Inside there is an urging that says I am you, You are me!

On February 26, 2016, I turned 63 years old and at exactly 4:16pm MST I was gifted another birth certificate that said, "Congratulations you are an Irish citizen."  Think about it.

I am you reborn, You are me reborn.  There is always time for rebirth.

Let's celebrate!

Traveling on ~

The Soul Traveler

Fireside Chat - Spiritual Equality

My guest, Evy O'Leary-Bennett, chatted with me on the subject of Spiritual Equality.  It was a welcome discussion with many eye-opening shares and fun-filled quips.

Spiritual equality is a subject we don't often discuss.  Looking at it from the impact it has in all aspects of our life enables us to move through our constraints bringing forward a communal way of living.  We are all experiencing being human.  We all have special gifts that blossom at different intervals.  

As we venture further down our path, taking time to reflect on spiritual equality will set into motion the change we all desire in the world.  Are we sharing our knowledge and ourselves to others in the manner of equality?  As teachers and mentors are we standing in equality with those we are supporting, holding them in an equal role allowing for those moments of shared student/teacher exchange?  As we are learning from others are we standing in our equality or are we taking the role of less than finding ourselves wanting to 'kill the teacher'? Are we viewing our shadow sides in equality?

We have come into this world, this lifetime, to remember who are truly are.  We may be further along the path in certain aspects from others but we are not the one who is wiser, more knowledgeable in all the many aspects of our journey.   We are all brilliant spiritual beings remembering, uncovering, and sharing our discoveries with the intent to support each other to becoming all that we are.  Because this is a collective endeavor holding each other in equality enables the ripples to move further and further encompassing many who might not be reached.  We are all both teacher and students in our journeys through this life.

Spending the August Fireside Chat with Evy in laughter and discovery broadened our relationship enriching both our reaches in our individual paths.  Our desire is to share with you our experience of spiritual equality. 

Would love to hear your views and experiences on spiritual equality.  Hope you enjoy our chat as much as we did!

The Soul Traveler ~

And so .....

As the months of 2014 ebb and flow to us, I realize that I have been on a 7 month journey of unemployment insurance that has drawn to an end.  

I know without a shadow of doubt that I am not the same woman who looked out into the world on November 27, 2013.  I cannot even remember who she was.  There is a tad bit of a memory of how she felt and an understanding of her story.  There is a deeper understanding of how the story dissolved, the realization of a stronger essence of her, and a willingness to feel into the moment and hold no expectation, no opinion of what is to be. 


Oh the journey was complete with wildness, back-ups, and delight.  It carried me to a place I had desired to hold deeply.  It carried me out into a jungle replete with tangles, rushing water, and mystery.  The adventure did not disappoint.  It has no ending.

I am truly blessed with the opportunity to focus solely on my path.  And these last 7 months allowed a deeper involvement into uncovering this path.  It enabled me to bring into my daily life a realization of how my path, even the search of it, was individualized from others. 

Through this time a stronger concise understanding of who I was, coupled with a releasing of old patterns and beliefs, balanced by acceptance of the value of illusion moved me into an empathy of self and my community.  The freedom to lay about, wander the mountain top, grovel in the frustrations, and epitomize standardization pushed me to turn and deny the existence of self; to die to myself as I had never imagined.

There has been a shamans death experience, a mystics evaporation, and yet what I was being asked for did not contain another level of these prerequisites to soul evolution.  I have experienced a burning to the ground, the severing of the leash, but I had not experienced the dying to myself.  The dying took place sudden with the realization of the ask, moved into flowing with the demands of daily life, and ended in an ancient ritual that almost seemed uneventful.  It was the forward motion after the dying that emphasized the Divine's request.  

Every time I looked to draw a frame of reference the screen was blank.  It wasn't just the screen of Future but the screen of Past that lay black and empty.  Only the place of Here and Now held any form or design.  Anything presenting itself to me was met with nothing but what I knew to be true for me.  Trying to decipher anything has been unsettling.

The unsettling is not in being unable to fit in or know the direction.  The unsettling is learning to walk completely within the present.  It is learning that where I once related in life with others is non-existent and non-essential.  It is non-identifying.  It cannot relate to me as much as I cannot relate to it.  In the midst of all of it, there is laughter, joy, tears, love, and a completeness.  A focus of all is finished within itself bringing with it a solid sense of self without identity.  

Spirit has said others have experienced this and many will join in the dying to themselves.  Everyone will be offered, not all will accept, and all will continue along their path.

Having words to express this past 9 months has been very difficult.  Having words to express this newest endeavor has been even more difficult.  It has not mattered that there are no words.  It does not matter if I ever climb the mountain top, it no longer matters what I hold dear, where I wander, who I meet or don't meet, how I show up to the world is all that matters.  Do I come with my heart open, my mind quiet, my eyes bright, my ears listening, and my tongue gentle? Do I come willing to share everything including the unacceptable?  Do I come each day willing to make it a good day to die?  Do I come prepared to return to the primordial juices?  Am I willing to live outside the perceived existence of all that matters?  Am I willing to be the ancient?  Am I willing to hold past, present, future completely within me?

These questions may seem to be those we all ask ourselves daily.  This time there is a very large difference in asking them.  We all know being who we truly are means living with hearts open, mind quiet, listening, no opinions, etc., and yet this is different.  

Dying to yourself means you cannot do anything else but show up as an unidentifiable person.  You cannot be You.  You can only Be.

The Soul Traveler



old door.jpg

I was laid off from my main employment just before Thanksgiving.  Now don't feel all-sorry for me… the Holidays still happened, I still ate too much sugar, and had presents to unwrap!  It actually turned out to be a good time because no one was hiring, so no applications to fill out, hence no stress, and I really gave myself permission to stop doing what I had been doing for most of my life - Helping other people create and live their dreams.

I decided to take the month of December and not do ANYTHING of real purpose.  I have to laugh now as every thing I did that month was of real purpose; all the late nights, the naps, the sleeping in, the wandering around town, the reshuffling of rooms, the reshuffling of a huge pattern of life that no longer suited me.  I wrestled with returning to school for a 'better' more useful BS.  I struggled with how much do I sell off.  But mostly the glaring piece I wrestled with was how do I lead my life with what I love.  Ironically in mid January, a mentor and friend, Robin Rice had gifted me a post card with that exact phrase, "Lead With What You Love" in my beauty box for the HWPB course.  

But before I could lead I had to remember what it was that I truly loved!   I had to dismantle the pieces of the pattern I had used to maintain a life.  It wasn't a bad life at all.  I was happy, I had a position that afforded me the means to travel, keep a comfortable home, pay bills and otherwise be a productive citizen.  I wasn't in love with my position and in all honesty I was so burned out I looked like burnt toast.  

I had some incredibly awesome clients that added fuel to my soul, I was in an apprenticeship that fed and challenged me, part of a meditation group, and I had just recently launched a fantastic website that put me and what I love to do out into the world!  So I had an idea of what I loved - Well honestly I KNEW what I loved.  I just didn't know how to let it lead me into abundance and creating my dreams.  

I had lost sight of my dreams on the day I decided to leave Star Haven Mountain Retreat in 1999.  I left for a myriad of reasons and the final nail was the death of my son.  As I moved through my grief it was Star Haven, the people it brought, and what I had created for others and myself that carried me forward every single day.  Star Haven had been a vision I was shown one winter afternoon in Loveland Colorado as I journeyed and conversed with the Universe. It was a vision that fueled my weary bones and brought me to the realization that I could create something tangible.  I remember at my son's sending off ceremony, the number of people present after only being in the area for about year warmed me and sustained me over some very dark and cloudy days.  But it was these memories that never carried any pain, that would push me and push me to another deeper level of understanding and acceptance of all that life has to offer.  Yet, here I was facing another curve in the road, and I couldn't lay claim to my dream and how to lead with what I love.

Fortunately, I have a strong relationship with my soul and the Universe.  And fortunately, they all have the patience of Job!

There was some teeth gnawing this go around as I asked, reshuffled, refused, and pretty much was a true Muggle in reclaiming my dreams.  I finally tossed away all the "expected" responses and went with my new rituals!

I took advantage of the full & new moons, the Solstice, the New Year "resolutions" (which I personally don't do), the acquiring of a Muse and the constant urgings of a new group of star beings.  For the new moon in December I asked for a new dream and those to help me to be shown to me and carried that request forward to January since as far as I could tell nothing had been revealed.  For the Solstice, Maeve and all my ancestors showed up across the veil from me with lanterns, candles, and torches telling me they would help to light the way, oh and yeah to kick my Irish ass for being so thick….  

For the full moon in December I released my fear of success, my incessant desire to run the show, and my belief that I was too late to the game.  And in January, I released new items because there was no need to release again those items in December.  I can say those no longer weigh me down. Yes!!  

Brigid became my muse for the creative blocks that were plaguing me and each morning I light a candle to her asking for her inspiration to move forward towards my creations.  Not surprising I was lead to three on-line classes that would help me to not only rediscover my dream but also to bring new tools.  

For the New Year, since I am not a 'resolutioner', I was gifted with a client that day to really anchor in the energetic intent for 2014.  The client was not planned and sprang from the dawning of a new year.  I felt elated to know that supporting the empowerment of others - my joy - would be the first item of business for the new year.  After the session, I spent time in ritual to give thanks for the client and the setting of intent securely into 2014.

And then the work started……. still not really knowing what I was to lead with but assuming it was geared around virtual work, I signed up for a course with Seth Godin on creating my own 7-part leverage plan and one with Jacob Nordby for unblocking my writing.  Well lets just say, shit, damn, and ruckus!  The course with Seth forced me to own my dream again.  The writing course????  Well those long dormant simple wishes came screaming out of the daily morning pages.  

I have in 7 days designed a business model for 3Rivers Holistic an integrative center, written my first full poem in 43 years, finished my first fire element medicine bag, and begun work on my star soul oracle cards.

The feeling of knowing me again is renewing.  In the midst of all the accepted patterns of life I had hidden away the woman who dreams!  I can feel the stability of me underneath my feet, I can see the lanterns light the way ahead, and I know that divine inspiration flows through me once again.  The cork has been removed and the bubbles sparkle as they join me in my travels.  I also know that those items I have completed are opening the gates to allow for the flooding of my e-courses and online offerings.

Life is about changes.  It is how we discover more about the Universe and ourselves.  By using ritual I was able to unveil my dreams once again.  Through ritual I was able to get out of the way and allow Spirit to work through me.  As the saying goes, I couldn't see the forest for the trees and once I started using ritual the sleep was removed from my eyes.  I have a heart shaped chalkboard over my altar and written on it since November 27 is - I release my work to the Universe.  The chalkboard in my career corner says -  I am a successful and prolific writer!  Ritual at work again for my future.  

As we grow deeper in our spirituality layer after layer is removed and the levels of fear, stubbornness and other beliefs we hold become less prevalent in our life.  Because we are a spiritual being having a human experience those layers become less, yes, but they never truly disappear. These layers, these experiences are what make up our life.  Yes, we become more fluid in finding the tool to release the sticky stuck layers and discover those tools quicker but until we have our closing ceremony on the celebration called Life we will always be peeling away our layers.  Through ritual we can discover what layer to remove, which tool to use and the most enriching manner for removal.

Here's to changes and life!!

The Soul Traveler