Dither, Dather, and Deep Healing

Going on five and half weeks and where do I begin?

There is an embedded culture in each of us. Whether you have been thriving within the social structures and standing outside pursuing your own path the predominant culture seeps in to your psyche and steers your ship.

I have known for decades that my home was in Ireland. I have known since early childhood the land I found myself was not my natural home. The trees, animals, soil and plants gave me comfort. It was these aspects that guided my inner knowing and growth. They were the buffer to the whirlwind of people I found I was to call family and friends. I didn’t hate them only found them confusing, hurtful, and lacking in guidance. Could I label these experiences as a child, young woman + mother as I climbed out of the pain, trauma, and set a course to reclaim myself? Not really because I had no human frame of reference for the world I found myself.

What I could fathom and clung to desperately was the solitude of the land, a few kindred souls, and dedication of non-physical guidance. It was these aspects that I drew upon for guidance, lead me to those who could help me to begin the healing and dedication to live fully within my body + emotions. As often as I was told I wasn’t grounded, I knew I was one of the few that resolved to understand how my mind, body and soul was not separate. I was willing to feel the pain, determined to observe, test my emotions, and face the darkness. I wasn’t always successful, heightened some traits to extreme, and definitely harmed others as I fought my way forward. I had on ace up my sleeve. Born a joyful being, I refused to allow that joy to be crushed and destroyed. It’s that joy I missed the most.

My first visit to Ireland, as I have spoken often, ripped off the blinders. I was home on a strange and beautiful land. Having held sacred my ability to observe the deeper workings of life, I began to notice my reactions, non-reactions, and nurturing that occurred just standing on the land. Not only did gentle voices fill my head, music filled my ears, and my body trembled with the unspoken understanding coming from silent people passing, rock fences, and determined winds. The rains over those 7 days washed the tears falling from my broken heart. I was welcomed.

Now I am living on this nurturing island. Little did I know the depth of healing, facing my darkness, and allowing love into a daily life I would have to face before I could settle into making Ireland my home. The cultural influence of the US would often impeded my path. Eventually I had to let go of how things had always been.

For 2 weeks I stumbled along surprising myself at my ineptitude, regression, and reluctance. I couldn’t remember appointments, was terrified of taking mass transit, cowered as I walked along the busy streets, determined to not let anyone know I was fumbling, yet holding strong to my soul’s guidance + whispered words from my lifetime Goddesses + Gods. My ancestors were quiet, my son was mute, and my soul flashed past event after event both day + night. Through all of it I found daily joy watching the Lollipop man + woman guiding the children to school, knowing I was held tight in another shaman’s home, laughing at my ability to get lost, and my determination to walk, even it I stumbled, towards to a life I thought at the early age of 4 was gone from me.

On the Solstice I was gifted the opportunity to visit Loughcrew, travel down into the Morrigan’s cave, and stand upon Medb’s land in Rathcroghan. I visited these sacred sites as the woman from the US who had returned to Ireland. It was a moving and deep communion. I was welcomed once again. Upon arriving at our last place, Uisneach, everything changed. The skies opened, the rain poured down, and the energies shifted + swirled around me.

I entered Uisneach as a student, welcoming the stories + sacred rituals being presented by a new Irish teacher. I was drenched and feeling restless when the possibility of turning back was presented. We gathered around a fire and discussed splitting up into separate groups. I chose to continue on to the Cat Stone. The sun returned. It was here I was rebirthed leaving behind the US woman and claiming a new culture and life. Little did I know what I had done. Was I willing to be taught? Was I willing to be changed? Was I willing to release the chains around my Joy and live unbridled? Was I willing to be?

Saddled with the worst sinus infection in years within days of leaving Uisneach, the flashbacks, pain, and decisions rampaged. I stubbornly brushed off assistance of healing medicine. I was determined I could take care of myself. I wandered in a daze believing I was moving forward. My old archetypes I had successfully used in the US deterred my healing. My right jaw screamed in pain. I was not making progress. I bawled each morning as I watched the Lollipop man nurture the young children while my own childhood memories flooded every waking hour pleading for his kindness. I made myself as tiny as possible within the space I was residing, ignoring the requests from my friend to ‘make myself at home’, hoping to not intrude into her life. Every rental place I visited in Westport denied me. I wasn’t losing hope. I was determined to face the pain, memories, allow my body a voice, and release the hard, competitive, non-supportive cultural upbringing of the US. Although I had always stood outside the US society I had swallowed hook, line and sinker the cultural malaise.

Through all of this I was being buffeted by a land that poured acceptance, unconditional love and the wisdom hidden in trauma. I was swimming in overwhelm. Unable to tread this sea I found myself drowning in love so thick I had only one choice. A beautiful aspect of being in community with those who have done their work is their willingness to offer an intervention. I received that gift one evening as I was called out on my stubbornness. Putting into words, my one choice, I heard my friend clearly. It wasn’t are you going to sink or swim. It was, ‘Do you want your joy?’

For days after I was bombarded with questions. Are you willing to overwhelm yourself with You? Are you willing to accept your divine right to life? Are you willing to embrace all the healing you have done and gifted to others as an integral aspect of your being? Can you walk as tall as your Avatar? Can you allow yourself to be happy even as you stumble, bumble, dither, and dather?

These questions aren’t new to me. I ask them often and answer them as truthfully as I can in the moment. There is difference in these now. To answer these question, I had to be willing to die to 66.5 years of my life. All aspects of the trauma, disconnection, beliefs, mannerisms, and cultural indoctrination of individuality. I had to be willing to accept community. A community that required my sensitivity, empathy, insights, courage, and dithering + dathering. A community that could care less if I wore flowers in my hair + danced in the moonlight. A community that honored integrity and forthrightness.

Ireland is full of people lacking in all these qualities. It isn’t a miracle place. It isn’t a romantic getaway from your healing. It’s filled with arrogant sob’s and angry + forgotten souls. It’s not a place for everyone. The land is a beacon in the dark for those who are called to it. The call may be for only a bit or for a lifetime. This land knows pain, wisdom, and has never forgotten what unconditional love means. It will swallow you up and spit you out naked upon its rocky shores. It will demand you are true to your soul. It will require you change, not change it. It remembers. It forgives and never forgets. It welcomes everyone yet isn’t for everyone. It leads the way and can follow when required. It is stubborn yet yielding, childish yet wise, and demands honor while giving honor in return. It is many things and nothing. It will nudge you along as far as you want to go. It is only one place in this world that will help you answer the call. Make no mistake it isn’t utopia. It may make you feel a nurturing you’ve never felt and still not be your home yet help you find where it is.

As I share its beauty with you and you begin to romantically envision a haven for you, remember a land is only as supportive as you are willing to be to yourself. Any land will not do your work for you. Your responsibility is to do your own work and face the pain hidden within your body. The joy + love I am expressing is palpable because I am releasing + embodying love + joy for myself regardless of my location. The land in the US welcomed me + allowed me to heal my 66 years because I honored it and myself. I honored the First Nations and their wisdom whose land is the place we call the US. Many of you are welcome to call the US home because you have a sacred contract. A contract that must be honored by honoring those generations who tended its soul for thousands of years. The lands of the US placed demands on me as I walked upon them. I fought for civil rights, raised my voice against atrocities and inequalities, and learned my craft so I could offer it to myself and others. These demands I answered and gave back to the best of my abilities.

The land of Ireland asks demands of me also if I am to live here. The requirements aren’t necessarily only of a civic duty except to live honorably and care for the disenfranchised. There are other ancestral soulful demands I am being asked. The exact requests will be revealed and require me to continue to heal, step further into my wisdom, and live a deep shamanic life. How and what it will look is yet to unfold. I will always be student + teacher upon this land. Culturally I must relinquish my US ways daily. My American edges will have to be dropped or smoothed. My ears must be tuned to the vibrations and my stubbornness must be tempered with a willingness to be nurtured. My introverted ways of protection must be balanced with my extroverted joy.

This is long I know. Where I once suppressed my gift of gab it is now bursting through sprinkled with my dancing feet + swaying hips. The little girl who would sit under the elm tree, playing in the soil making special portions as she sang her heart out, dancing to the melody blaring from the leaves, has been welcomed home. As hard as I try to silence the urgings of my ancient archetypical bard this past week I can no longer clench my teeth + sit on my hands. I have to write and follow my path.

Slán go fóill

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The Journey Continues .... and we all join

Wow what a year so far it has been for so many. 

So many significant events have come, gone and some still carry on, that the chaos of change has, and I think I can say honestly, all of us swirling!

Standing Rock called everyone out of the sleep! It asked us were we really serious about protecting this planet, our children and grand children, and standing on the brink for what we believed was true.  It also held up to us who we might be appropriating an expression of spirituality that wasn't ours. 

Black Live Matter showed us our privilege as a White race. It really asked us to own it or go home. 

The election of Donald Trump showed us how deeply asleep we were, how disconnected from each other, and asked us were we really serious about equality and freedom.

Still the journey continues and how are we going to travel? What is really important to you? Do you really walk your talk? Is your spirituality based on Indigenous tribes that aren't our ancestry? Is our privilege harming those we say we fight to protect?

Is love and light going to change the world? Is the love we say we offer strong enough?

Are we sharing and teaching from our ancestral medicine? Are we sharing and teaching to make a buck?  Is our wildness really ours? Is it really expressed? Do we own it?

These are questions that only we can answer. 

For me, I have focused my uncovering on my ancestral medicine. As I learn, I am finding that other memories, doorways, and mentors enter my life. My ancestral wisdom and healing comes flowing up into my consciousness. The unconscious patterns come forward. I have a choice to change them, create healing around them or embrace them as a way of being. There is a wisdom in the simple life they lived. Yes it was hard and often short but it was full and free. I am not naive enough to think the Irish famine was a walk in the park or any other hardship many of our ancestors experienced. Slavery certainly wasn't a joy. It was filled with violence and hatred.

Our ancestors did find a moment to love and feel joy. A human experience isn't without its pitfalls and persecutions. I do believe that they had a connection to the land that we only glimpse. They had a connection to a deeper story steeped in a sacred living. It was this deeper sacred story that helped them to wake each morning. It helped them to bring life into the world that was harsh. 

As I relinquish the many possessions in my life I find a simplicity. I have more time to be on the land whether it is in hiking or walking around town. I am in the world enjoying its various flavors and humans. My ancestral medicine contains within it a responsibility to protect, preserve, love, and relish the land, these crazy humans, and amazing animals. It is the combination of this spiritual ownership with the celebration of our value that brings about joy, strength and eventually change.

I would gladly go back to the Neolithic Age where we lived in communion with the land, people and animals. Where the magic of our life sustained us and helped to birth new life. When we looked to the Stars and knew we were connected to a greater expansive existence. When we didn't need to conquer in order to feel whole.

As white Europeans, especially Americans, we have lost our medicine. This loss has created a constant search for wholeness. Our souls ache, our bodies ache, our minds wander in search for the magic, the connection, and the communion our ancestors knew.

For me it is time to own the past, present and future darkness of hatred and greed as well as the lightness of the joys and love. 

Join me, there is room for all.

Traveling on ~

The Soul Traveler

Winter Conversations ..... Cold + Dark = Quiet Wisdom

Tonight a friend stopped in to talk.  It wasn’t a chat.  He needed to talk.  

He spoke about feeling lonely, not alone. He spoke specifically about feeling lonely. The lonely that happens when you make decisions that other’s might not agree on as the best option. The lonely that happens when after 10 minutes no one has texted or called. The lonely that occurs when winter hits and you cannot go outside.

The Lonely ~ the lonely that hits even when you are surrounded by a dozen friends, in the company of your life partner, when you sit in a meeting of peers at work, the lonely that hits when your family doesn’t see you.  It is the lonely that happens at birth and arrives to finally meet you at death. It is the lonely that is the ‘curse’ of being human in the current world. Let’s be honest the lonely that has been here for generation after generation.  It is the lonely that drives us to kill not only each other but also this planet and its animals.  Those animals we are jealous of because they do not know loneliness.  The dogs, cats, wolves, deer, eagles, elephants, and other animals that understand aloneness + community does NOT = loneliness.

Right now we are all feeling alone in America. Many can raise their hands high in acknowledgement that NO one has heard them for years.  They may never admit they are lonely. They will stand tall + swagger but we can all see past the veneer. This hoopla around our next President isn't the cause only the visible ulcer.  This goes far deeper and wider.

Loneliness is personal and universal.  We came in alone by not lonely.  We will die alone yet it we don’t have to be lonely.  

Loneliness is driven by the denial of self value. Our current culture (especially western white culture) does not nurture a whole self identity. It does not understand the value of the connection to our inner self. Because of this it perpetuates the denial of the value of Community as nurturer and the self within that community. The Quakers used the identifiers of Thee and Thou to bring inclusion into the self thus creating the understanding of the value of self within the community.  Many religious practices exclude self, deny the value of nurturance, and through the exclusion create a community of loneliness.  

Standing Rock exposes the loneliness within our culture. As a cultural phenomenon to the western world, Standing Rock shows how the acceptance of the value of self within a community through ancestral spiritual practices of inclusion, loneliness is removed and courage, integrity, self love, and the ability to value all life is expressed in daily interactions.  

We are not all of First Nation blood so what could my friend do to help embrace his loneliness?  

There are options available ~ A spiritual practice to quiet the mind and connect the higher self to him. A spiritual practice that allows for interaction between the higher self and him releasing the long held generational beliefs. A spiritual practice that gives value to community.

A willingness to say I no longer want to exclude myself.  A willingness to see the pain of loneliness in others, especially those we believe are not lonely. 

A clearer understanding of the concept “we create our experiences” and it is within our control to banish or build all aspects of our life.

Finding his ancestral spiritual lineage.  

There are many other options available to grasp the loneliness we experience. Each are individual as to their benefit.  There is no One Size Fits All.  I suggested he try many different avenues to find the right fit. The one that draws him, intrigues him.  Intrigue will fuel his desire to embrace his loneliness. His loneliness, when embraced, will bring to the world compassion and right action.

The dark, cold winter is designed for reflection. It doesn’t allow distractions to take our pains away. It refuses to hear the excuses and demands we find the courage to take a stand. Winter is our best ally in forming our convictions. If you can turn and face the adversary in the dark + cold, you can face them in light and ease.

No one is ever alone. There may be times when you feel loneliness. Remember many are here with you right now in this moment. Shine brighter.

Traveling on,
Teri ~ The Soul Traveler

The Prelude .....

I love the word Prelude.  It speaks of such beautiful anticipation.  It lays the ground work for the masterpiece.  In music it sets the stage for the grand suite or fugue.

In the aspect of your life it offers so many options, tweaks, and creativity.  It is the juiciness of design, the excitement of the inspirations, and the core of creation.  Your aspirations shine during the prelude leading further down the path. Prelude can take many forms and speaks to your psyche as to the process that resonates with you.  

For me sometimes it is the prelude where I get stuck.  Do I approach the Prelude this way or that causing me to not allow the flow  I am not one to be uncomfortable for long, either a solution appears or one must move on. So over careful reflection, I have come to understand that Prelude is not to be rushed. There isn't a time limit to its creation and when allowed to flow guides itself. Prelude is not the incubation period. It is the creative introduction, the stage setting for the Masterpiece. Creating the Prelude is as valuable as the masterpiece itself.

As another marking of time begins what will be your Prelude?  How will you approach your masterpiece? Will you give yourself permission to flow into the anticipation.  

Is discovering your muse, your prelude without linear time important to you? Giving rise to understanding that time does not control our outcomes removes suppression of our soul song line. We are so geared to time limits in our daily life that we often rush to push our creative work out into the world too soon. Does your new healing modalities or creative offerings have a self imposed expiration date? Is the launching date driven by the world at large or the panic of missing the prospect of joining the bandwagon of others?  Are you listening closely to your Soul Song line and imbuing your Prelude with soulful creative energy allowing it to steep?

It isn't unusual to feel the push to get your creations out into the world 'just in time'. If you watch a true creative person they move differently. They listen intensely to a different drumbeat that draws their creations along. If you ask them they will do their best to explain how they create. Just remember it is how they create, their soul song line they hear and follow, not yours.

2017 is a 1 year in Numerology. A #1 year is all about new beginnings and the energies of #1 are perfect to begin your Prelude.  Astrology is another modality that speaks of cycles and spirals not linear time.  The movement of the Stars are very much a symphony.  They take center stage on cue, moving forward or retrograde back to a repeating stanza. 

Your soul doesn't do linear time.  Your soul doesn't do human.  It does soul.  It sings a song that flows and swirls.  It doubles back, surges forward, pauses, and plays. Its time rhythm is to visualize, listen, and dance.  Soul song lines have no beginning and no end. They just are truly movement. 

We live in a linear society so how do we walk in two worlds? There are many tools available to support you in straddling many worlds. Check your toolbox and see which work best.  Reach out for new tools or a refresher course. Play with your old tools in new ways,  Play and build your Prelude.

How does one connect with your soul song line? Hum a few bars, sway a bit, 2 twirls and a sigh should just about get you there .... Come play with me and I'll help you hear your soul song line.

Happy Fresh Beginnings! Come play with me any Time xxoo

Traveling on ~ The Soul Traveler

Time and Time and ..... Time Again

"Make me your friend," Time whispers.  "Don't hate me for not filling your day fuller, or so full you can't breathe. Remember I am but the limits you believe exist."

We wander through life following a clock.  We are taught to set goals for the future and remember the past.  We are not told how to live in the present.

Time is presented to us as a dictator.  We are led to believe that we must rush through our life succumbing to its will.  The sound of our mother's heartbeat from the womb is replaced by the tick ticking of an inanimate object.  Driven by a set number we rush through our life only occasionally rebelling against its chains.  We think Time requires us to be lead around in a constant circle.  

We practice meditation daily only to run off to the next appointment we managed to squeeze in to yet another day. How often do we purposely bring the non-time of meditation into our work day or weekend plans?

Each of us has our own perspective of Time.  We use it to accomplish our living, mark memories or milestones, and allow it to lead us forward.

Time does not exist.  It is our buy-in to segment our life that determines its control.  If Time doesn't exist then what does that really mean + why would we care?

Our ancestors used Time as a natural rhythm.  Sleep + waking were the determining points.  The sun came up, they rose.  Sun set, they slept.  As days lengthened hunting + planting lasted longer. Days shortened hunting became a quick sport and they relied upon what harvest came from the plantings of the longer days.  There was not a giant clock nailed to the trees, ticking away to drive their days.  They marked their lives from the seasons and rhythms of the sun + moon.  The stars portended the future.  The moon reminded them of the day just ended ~ the past.  Their present was marked by the sun as it moved across the sky.

Now we live here with the aspect of Time glaring down from his mighty perch, barking out measured steps to be completed each day.  Our children's arrivals are measured in weeks, the longer calculation, instead of the vagueness of months.  There is a celebration for every passage of time.  Constantly we are shown the greatness of Time.  A languished moment is heralded with criticism and offered up as a treat.

How we got here would be another 10 pages.  How we arrived is not as important as how we release this dependency on Time.  We can all agree we are in a world running faster and faster.  We are totally enmeshed in the barbs of time.

Each of us use some form of meditation.  These practices are generally our first introduction to moving out of time. As we leave our meditations we sense the calm space, an altered space, surrounding us and it appears to be drifting away.  You experience this same sensation when you are caught up in something enjoyable and not so enjoyable.  It is the altered state of full immersion into the Present that lengths or shortens our concept of time. Time truly is an illusion.  Playing with that illusion will break down the mental and physical constraints.  

Try for 45 days a few of these games and see what transpires.  Nothing tricky or 'time-consuming' to this play.     Enjoy ~

1.) Rid yourself of all clocks. Yes turn your phone over :)

2.) Each traffic light you approach that is RED state: 'Change, change, change'.  Make note each time it changes to green.

3.) Each traffic light you approach that is GREEN state: 'Stay, stay, stay'. Make note of the times it stays green and you pass on through.

4.) Using the appointments you have during a week, pick one each day (even if the only one is getting to + from work) as you head to the appointment say, "Stretch, stretch, stretch'. Make a note when you arrive with time to spare and when you don't.

Each week during the 45 days review your results.  Mark down any feelings or reactions recording when one was easy, fun or difficult.  Note any resistance.  These simple exercises will asset you in learning how to stretch time, fold time, and break down the assertion that Time exists.

Learning to play will help shift your mind & its reality of the need for time and heighten your bodies acceptance of freedom.  Time play + shifting = a mental, physical, and spiritual understanding of what is reality.

Traveling on out of time ~

Teri ~ The Soul Traveler

Quiet or Quit ???

It has been quiet from my voice or have I quit?

I have been absent in the sense of the expected.  I have not been absent or quiet from the yearning, the learning, the living. Oh not at all!

Not being one who harbors unresolved explanations of the current situations to the extreme (HA what a mouth full) but one who tires others in my constant reflection (welcome to a Pisceans world), of how best to be, I must admit that the world carries on without us.

Like all of us I have been involved with the daily aspects of living.  Gratitude abounds for the myriad of interactions in my day.  Be it work, supporting clients, training for a 1/2 marathon, or the necessary gathering of food, bills, and housing, my day is often beset with distractions.  Being fortunate that alone time makes up most of my day, I can reflect upon the different ways to enrich my life.  

Growing up I would become overwhelmed quickly with any task that required complicated explanations of how to go about completing them.  In other words, I would go TWILT with too much sensory overload.  The simpler the explanation, the cleaner the directions, the quicker I accomplished the necessary steps and moved on.  I was besieged in school with the label of 'lacks the ability to follow directions'. Perhaps to them but I got everything done. Maybe not how they viewed it should be but I completed the requirements none-the-less.   

I had thoughts of quitting.  Silencing my voice so I fit in the crowd.  Giving in to the demands to do it their way to end the overload. What happened when I ventured to be just one-more female? It suffocated me and drove me to shrivel inside.  It left me frantic. I spent more time away from people, taking my introvertism deeper.  I wasn't happy and I began to dislike myself.

Without realizing it, I found ways to deflect the constant desire by the nun's and other adults for me to mold myself into their idea of how a young girl should be in the world.  It took me many years to learn that outbursts, no matter the reason, were not allowed in school, home or church. I found my escape outdoors. Creativity was flush out there away from the demands of the 'adult' world.  Over time I learned how and when to share my outbursts.  Slowly I discovered my way of being in the world.

Did I set out purposely, with a 10-point plan to recreate my world as it existed?  Can't say early on that I consciously did.  Because I was young and I listened to the sweet quiet voice that still spoke to me, I found I could sometimes boldly stepped forward.  When I couldn't hear the sweetness from my fear I became meek and frightened.  Whatever the situation, I moved forward, I never quit moving often swallowing my fear but moving just the same.  I might have been quiet, but there was a resoluteness to my daily step, a stubborn turn of my chin that rode on beside me bringing me to adulthood.

When you reflect upon your childhood, do you take the time to notice the courage, the desire, the divine spark that rested deep within you?  Or do you only remember the 'good' times and the 'disappointing' times?  Can you peak a little deeper into those moments?  Are you willing to honestly see the mixture of wisdom and cavalier spite? Try not to dissect to the point of no return in your reflection.  Do take the time to sift through the illusion of childhood.  Upon closer inspection is great wisdom working beside you to develop your soul path?  

We are not innocent bystanders in this journey.  We are constantly co-creating for our higher good.  Some of our creations we think may lack a bit of substance and appear to be better suited to the junk pile.  Look closer!  There is wisdom and empowerment in failure.  Take time to deeply reflect upon your childhood memories.  Yes there is sweetness but what else?  Can you see the wise one deep within?  Is what you remember after reflection useful today?  Have you forgotten that the connection you felt so freely to your divinity as a child is still accessible?  Can you bring that child's knowingness of their divinity to you today?  Take a moment and go back to that time when you knew without a doubt and reconnect.  Embrace you in that moment.  Give them a seat at your table.  Allow them to show you why they never doubted.  Laugh with them and feed your divine spark.

The stubborn turn of my chin has been a cornerstone to my soul path.  That stubborn marching child, refusing to give up her will, has walked me through many harrowing experiences, and allowed me to meet some of the most amazing souls this lifetime.  I can guarantee you, she ain't going nowhere soon!  How about you?

Oh the joys of ...Traveling on .....

Teri ~ The Soul Traveler