The Prelude .....

I love the word Prelude.  It speaks of such beautiful anticipation.  It lays the ground work for the masterpiece.  In music it sets the stage for the grand suite or fugue.

In the aspect of your life it offers so many options, tweaks, and creativity.  It is the juiciness of design, the excitement of the inspirations, and the core of creation.  Your aspirations shine during the prelude leading further down the path. Prelude can take many forms and speaks to your psyche as to the process that resonates with you.  

For me sometimes it is the prelude where I get stuck.  Do I approach the Prelude this way or that causing me to not allow the flow  I am not one to be uncomfortable for long, either a solution appears or one must move on. So over careful reflection, I have come to understand that Prelude is not to be rushed. There isn't a time limit to its creation and when allowed to flow guides itself. Prelude is not the incubation period. It is the creative introduction, the stage setting for the Masterpiece. Creating the Prelude is as valuable as the masterpiece itself.

As another marking of time begins what will be your Prelude?  How will you approach your masterpiece? Will you give yourself permission to flow into the anticipation.  

Is discovering your muse, your prelude without linear time important to you? Giving rise to understanding that time does not control our outcomes removes suppression of our soul song line. We are so geared to time limits in our daily life that we often rush to push our creative work out into the world too soon. Does your new healing modalities or creative offerings have a self imposed expiration date? Is the launching date driven by the world at large or the panic of missing the prospect of joining the bandwagon of others?  Are you listening closely to your Soul Song line and imbuing your Prelude with soulful creative energy allowing it to steep?

It isn't unusual to feel the push to get your creations out into the world 'just in time'. If you watch a true creative person they move differently. They listen intensely to a different drumbeat that draws their creations along. If you ask them they will do their best to explain how they create. Just remember it is how they create, their soul song line they hear and follow, not yours.

2017 is a 1 year in Numerology. A #1 year is all about new beginnings and the energies of #1 are perfect to begin your Prelude.  Astrology is another modality that speaks of cycles and spirals not linear time.  The movement of the Stars are very much a symphony.  They take center stage on cue, moving forward or retrograde back to a repeating stanza. 

Your soul doesn't do linear time.  Your soul doesn't do human.  It does soul.  It sings a song that flows and swirls.  It doubles back, surges forward, pauses, and plays. Its time rhythm is to visualize, listen, and dance.  Soul song lines have no beginning and no end. They just are truly movement. 

We live in a linear society so how do we walk in two worlds? There are many tools available to support you in straddling many worlds. Check your toolbox and see which work best.  Reach out for new tools or a refresher course. Play with your old tools in new ways,  Play and build your Prelude.

How does one connect with your soul song line? Hum a few bars, sway a bit, 2 twirls and a sigh should just about get you there .... Come play with me and I'll help you hear your soul song line.

Happy Fresh Beginnings! Come play with me any Time xxoo

Traveling on ~ The Soul Traveler

Eventually You Have to Go Back and Get it ................ and other musings

At the ancient age of 6 I would wander outdoors early and not return until hunger struck me down.  There was far too many familiar faces often hidden from others for me to visit and chat with to endure the indoors and siblings.  I would build replicas of ancient cities in the sandbox chatting to the multitudes that filled the houses, creating soups and brews from the plants and feathers around me making sure to offer them to the sky above, my dog, and those living in places far, far away.  Some days I could be found squawking out a tune in my squeaky voice of lost love and home long missed, crafting necklaces of seeds, feathers, and hollowed bones, leaving a very pretty plate when my dinner bell sounded for those who would be passing through.

Occasionally my pesky brother would come to chide me it was time to give it all up.  "What you are doing, he said, is never going to work here."  Let's climb the trees I begged at least we can get closer and perhaps they will hear us.  In solidarity for his crazy sister, we climbed higher and higher into the trees.  The fun eventually turned to spying on the people in the passing cars and our other siblings sent to find us.  

My nighttime dreams were filled with places not known here and starred me as a Joan of Arc Star Faery come to help.  I would wished that Peter Pan would arrive and take me back to his Tinkerbell except there was a BIG thing wrong with her.  Star Faeries don't look like her nor do they flitter around aimlessly.  I was after all only a silly 6 year old with a vivid imagination.

Since mid June I have been experiencing a heavy dose of what I call 'the crabbies'.  You know those small irritations that surface to prick at your sanity and your peace like the driver going the speed limit after 5pm?  I am not one to dismiss any disruption to my daily nirvana.  My hip, lower back and pelvis had decided to hold a grand flair up in my honor which signaled ~ the storm is about to hit!  I hit the airwaves to search for insight.  The body needed to be heard after 40 years of carrying a long hidden pain, my mind needed a distraction to allow for the story to be told, my emotions needed expression but not during rush hour, for god sake, and really I needed to blend, meld, brew all that ancient wisdom I once relished in back up to the surface and come full circle.  Time for the full Joan of Arc Star Faery to come out to stay, not the half assed 'almost' me.

Relying on proven traditional awakening techniques I struggled to make the meld permanent.  I made headway for sure and saw the twinkling of long hidden knowledge but it would not come up, stay, and pour forth.  I knew there was an issue that I needed support in clearing.  It was an issue that wasn't responding to my usual support network.  Feeling the 'need' to go home I knew this was a quantum leap coming to the surface.  No longer satisfied with my usual tools, I found myself pushing to make that long overdue sacred connection.

Reaching out to my divine star connection, tears filling my sacred eyes, I asked to be gifted the tool that would take me back to the treasure trove of my sacred ancient wisdom.  The wisdom held securely by a small delicate 6-year old girl who knew that anything crossing her path was sacred, loving, and in need of their own remembering, the wisdom that may not free this planet completely but it would offer care, nourishment, and a recognition of the elegance of the human heart.  And not just a little bit of that ancient knowledge but the whole treasure chest ~ because why go after just a spoonful of nourishment?

Last evening I participated with 4 other magnificent women in a northern shamanic vision quest led by a wonderful Vitki.  This isn't just a coincidence that through the ancient north traditions my vision has been cleared.  My ancestral roots like most western europeans comes from the celtic + viking traditions.  It wasn't just a luck of the draw that I spent 2 weeks in Ireland and England last May.  It was the call of the delicate, optimistic, pain-in-the-ass 6 year old sprite come to claim her star birth rite.

There are so many ways back to finding our true self.  The one that brings you joy even in the midsts of your human trials is your key.  I know my home is in the stars and that I live here now.  Finally claiming the ancient traditions of the stars brings a passion long since subdued back into my daily life.  My ancestral knowledge helps me to meld it all together.  It supports the creation of knowledge, play, love, and nourishment that is a kaleidoscope of all wisdom ~ ancient, current, earth, + star.

Take the road you are most afraid to walk.  It is on that road your truth lies waiting.  Who you are is for you to discover and claim.  Loving every aspect whether it be called light or dark is what it is all about this time around.  Close your ears to the world screaming out the latest and greatest.  Open your heart to the murmurings of those not seen ~ they remember you, your naked you, your sacred, playful, wise you.  

Let's take that step and see where it takes us.  Let's brew that cup of nourishment and drink it down.  Every last drop! 

I'll be seeing you around the next star - The Soul Traveler xoxoxoo

Back in the game ..... work game that is

My life is changing once again.  On a scale of 1-10 this is a change with which I am familiar so it ranks low on the scale.  I am so different now that this experience is being created from a deeper level, a shamanic level, a higher soul self, and a universal level.  This isn't a typical 8-5 existence anymore.  This is work on a soul level.  

As this knowledge and understanding was unveiling itself to me, in the midsts of confusion, doubts, and emotions, I journeyed to quell the storm that seemed to want to rise from deep within.  I wasn't looking to stop the storm I was looking for the direction through the midsts and to quiet the rushing sounds so I could hear the words that would soothe me.  It was a quick journey filled with trepidation as the fears mounted in my body only to be calmed by the warming embrace of the Universe as these words filled my head.  

"Your soul is after the growth not the money and Source will fill in where the money might appear to be thin. If your desire is to live from your soul then you need to feed it and trust that you have never been dropped. They need you as much as you will need them each day.  You are not to sit upon the mountain but to bring the mountain to them.  There is so much yet to be seen by your eyes, to be understood by your mind, to be felt by your body that will bring you deeper into your path, your Beingness.  You cannot perceive all that is about but you can perceive the depth of love present for you at this moment.  We understand the fretting, the human illusions where you co-exist, we know this is but part of being a human and we KNOW that your soul desires the ultimate expression and will not be denied.  Seek us to support your human needs and allow us to keep you in the present.  We know your human desires and we know that you have come to understand the deeper expression."  I left the journey with the first two sentences emblazoned upon tongue. 

I called and accepted employment with the Department of Developmental Disabilities for the state of Montana.  Employment that would not be meeting the minimum monthly amount for me to 'make ends meet'.  It was a $.25 an hour short. Yet it pulled me to it the first day of the interviews with the Tibetan Prayer flags adorning the reception room, the Ojo de Dios hanging in the front windows, the spontaneous laughter erupting during the interview, the truly 'casual' dress code, the honesty of needs, and yes there is great retirement and vacation benefits.  I accepted the position trusting the words I had heard spoken and within five minutes of the acceptance I was told of a 5% rate increase in November which took me above my minimum.  I laughed understanding that I do not see the entire picture.  I chortled knowing my guidance, the Universe and my soul were 'knuckle stamping' each other.  (Some may think I hold issues around money and that is not the case as I have always had exactly what I need when I need it.  I am a Pisces astrologically where money is not the ultimate desire and my numerology dictates monetary success so instinctually I balance.)

This is only a glimpse of the 3rd dimensional experience.  The capture of being present to the moment, understanding the capable aspects of Self, and willingness to trust unabashedly would reveal perceived hidden mapping of my journey.  This mapping lay hidden because I had yet to acquire all the tools to read the maps.  As I willingly dove deeper into my true essence, tools were revealed to help me read my changing maps.  Yes, there are many maps drawn for our journeys which are switched and changed based on decisions and non-decisions.  Just like maps for each state and the many countries on earth we are gifted with individual compact maps.  They are overlaid on our list of attainments adjusting as we peel and dive deeper.   Like the surveyor we adjust as the terrain changes.  

Early in my awakening, I wanted so much to no longer 'work' in the world.  Instead I desired spending my days in earnest pursuit of the deeper meanings of life and sharing those discoveries with others in workshops, in other words, sitting upon the mountain.  I tried several times leaving employment to build a practice and each time the funding dried up requiring me to return to the workplace.  Many hours have been spent in reflection seeking the 'reason' for not attaining enough financial support and non-fulfillment of my desires.  Casting doubts upon my abilities, yet seeing very clearly the impact my return to the world was having on those around me, I fretted and concluded I needed to just try harder to build a practice.  This thinking allowed the ego to implant the concept that I was not a fully realized soul if I couldn't build a practice outside of the standard employment.  

These last months of unemployment have sped quickly by taking me once again to the state of return.  There was no massive booming of a practice, there was a steady increase, a nourishing of soul, a clearing of patterns and the final realization that my soul path, my soul agreement, my most impactful place was in the work game.  It was there that the most seeds were planted, the deeper touching of soul to soul, the quiet shamanic support of community to be given, and where the Universe filled my soul path.  My ego was wrong.  I am a fully realized soul in each moment no matter if it is in standard employment or a private practice.  Shaking off the perceived 'right way' to be a spiritual being takes courage, clarity of truth, and a willingness to go against the flow.  Discarding this illusion creates freedom.

Not all of us get to leave the work world and build private practices.  Many of us are most impactful in the challenging world of constant human interaction.  We change the course of someone by being in an 8-5 job.  Having a human experience as a spiritual being entails living within the experience of non-awaken souls.  As you create the clients, the spiritual life you so deeply desire, being smack dab in the midst of the perceived chaos brings a wealth of empathy, compassion and an energetic signature of 'you know how they feel' that is invaluable and life changing.  Mother Teresa didn't sit in the convent and serve her community.  She lived among them.  The world needs all of us.  Those who are not in the world and those who are in the world.  Find value in where Spirit has you.  Go about knowing that by being you, the true and deep you, no matter what the scenery is, has value undiscovered and life-changing.  We can't all leave the world.  As you struggle within the environment of the workplace, seek the truth of the situation and trust that your soul is being fed and serving the greater whole.  Create a workplace without struggle, create a private practice within your corporate, non-profit, retail, or government job.

I no longer reflect in a wanting state of where I am going or why I am some where.  I reflect now on how I can show up as the true me.  Where is my ego still leading the way, why is this moment challenging, how can I best serve all of us, and what makes my heart sing?  These are the questions I review.  How life appears doesn't matter.  How life impacts does.  Rushing about creates chaos, walking softly blooms love, being present for every moment creates opportunity.

Taking the essence of being into the world of constant doing sets the ripples of change into motion.  Finding your practice within the world of employment leads everyone further along their soul path even when it appears otherwise.  We are not here to create scenarios.  We are here to feed our souls, uncover the illusion of separation, and walk the cosmic, divine, christed Essence into this lifetime.

If you are happy being you, you will be happy in any work you do.

And the journey continues.....

The Soul Traveler

After the Mist ....

For 5 days we have had rain and more rain and low clouds with the sun refusing to shine daily except for one bright Wednesday morning for exactly 2 hours followed by a deluge of rain for 24 hours.  This isn't a normal phenomenon here.  Yes, June can be a very rainy month but this isn't the Pacific NW and the sun generally rules the day.  

For me, the symbol searcher and metaphor masher, I found myself reflecting on this pattern for insight into the bigger picture.  Refusing to dwell on the obvious of "not more rain" coupled with the pouty "I want sunshine" I found myself investigating my true reaction to this turn of weather.  

Coupled with the Full Moon where I relished the release of what I perceived to be stumbling blocks I have been gifted with visitors to my humble abode.  This timing was perfect to help deflect any insights I felt would follow my full moon ceremony.  Spending time with friends is always motivating fun filled with opportunities to connect deeper.  It is also time that takes one out of your normal patterns and brings a smidgeon of chaos.  It is a time that asks you to connect on a deeper soul level with another human, another soul, another traveler bringing you to a new level of soul identity.

Sitting watching the mist swirl forth from my surroundings my soul nudged me to find my new soul identity and either claim it or not.  Could I really actualize and relish my new connections and identity?  Was I willing to leave behind a pattern of solitude?  Would this short time spent with others in my home and life open me to a better understanding?  Is the direction spent the last 7 months the only direction?

Garnering all my reflections, I realized soon I would be leaving the course of my life and embarking upon another direction, another journey that would lead me deeper into my soul identity.  This journey would include more interaction.  It would be filled with other soul travelers embarking on their new levels of identity.  My community was calling.  It was asking me to leave my pattern of solitude, my cave of reflection, and come forth out of the mist.

Was I up to this request?  Could I still set aside solitude, creation time, and be watchful of old patterning and denial?  As the mist moved up and out of my space I knew like it I was ready.  I could be the mist and its the aftermath, life.  

We are not defined by our patterns.  We are not defined by our friends, our body, our work, or our words.  Everything is fluid.  Everything is mist.  All life, all identity comes as mist and it is us who brings into the world.  We are the mist.  We form and swirl creating our life.  We are then asked to release and awaken into the light allowing it to feed us drawing us out of the separation.  It asks us to relish the time of the mist.  It asks us to be the time after the mist.

For me I know what time it is.  What about you?

xoxoxo

The Soul Traveler

Simplicity

Today is 1/1/14… a new day dawns to remind me that once again I rise to the occasion.  Tis very funny but on this first day of a new year - a Number 8 year for me - I actually did a very simple sacred ritual to usher it in (I generally wait until my birthday to reflect on the year and create a intent for the next year).  I am not big on large expressions of anything…. I always sense the turning point of a large expression from true love, gratitude, awe etc to over emphasis and grandiose ego involvement.   Perhaps it is just me who senses this change but I really don't think I am alone.  Take a moment and watch the next time you are incased in a large expression.  Feel for the moment when it moves from a simple genuine fulfilling sacred moment to one of over emphasis.  Let your body mark that moment and ask your soul to help you to remember, so that when you are expressing it, remains simple and sacred.

Today I spent time sitting quietly in the morning waking to the sun rising to a new day, new year.  I envisioned a light being carried by myself feeling the presence of so many others as I walked gently towards the opening in the clouds.  With each step I whispered my gratitude for opportunities that lay ahead yet discovered, the love and care of my friends and family, for my health, my home, my body and my ability to go deeper into my relationship with soul, spirit, and the divine.  I then sat with this vision allowing my body to feel the sacredness of the stillness, the blessing of the gratitude, and the love of the light. In the quietness of the morning I could feel the expansiveness of the Divine that is expressed through all things, allowing my body to embrace and feel that oneness that holds each of us though out our days.  The expansiveness gave me a color to bring into my awareness - soft luminescent purple.  Allowing this color to envelope me brought closure to the simple sacred ritual for welcoming 2014.

I do not make resolutions.  I learned early that doing so emphasizes all the "things" I perceive as just not so right about me.  Instead I listen quietly for the part of me that would like to speak to the world, a part that has been quiet, or perhaps a part that just wants to be so more present.  Giving voice and recognition to more of me always leads me on an adventurous journey, guaranteed!  For my 2014 journey I asked quietly as I sat drinking my morning tea and was gifted with an electrifying squeal of "Let's carry on with what we have designed these last 30 days of 2013 and see who, what, where, and when it takes us!  It will be such a delightful adventure!"  Before accepting this pronouncement, I scan my body of its willingness to carry on and looking for any reluctance and finally asking my soul, guidance, and Spirit for their input.  I then follow with my sacred ritual to claim this request which allows for full participation of body, mind and soul.

Now it is time to step out into the world.

Welcome 2014 with simplicity and enjoy where ever your journey takes you.

Decide ………..

What a big thing…. To Decide.  To decide what it is you want to be when you grow up or perhaps what to wear, what to eat or who to date?  We grow up being told making decisions should be major events.  Yet somehow we know this really isn’t true.

As toddlers we saw, thought and decided all within a split second.  We ventured forward out of our singular space into a larger space.  We grabbed first one toy and then another never pondering for days on end.  We decided to take our first step on our own and then another.  Someone could argue that it appears a child is debating whether to leave the safety of crawling to begin the adventure of walking but if you watch closely you will see that isn’t the case.  The child is content to move at their pace not sit and ponder for days the next move.  

Every single day we make decisions and some we choose to make more impactful than the decision to take another breath.  Why do we do that, how did we get here and what would happen if we took even the “big” decisions in stride like all the other ones we make every single second?  How can we get to this place of innocence and spontaneous decisions again?

Before the Age of Reason the veil is still very thin and often times completely open for many.  The invisible playmates, clips of wisdom, and spontaneous joy shown by children that can seem daunting to those whose veil is securely intact are everyday examples of a thin veil.  Then as time passes we notice that our children begin to mimic us in ways more than just words.  If you notice our children begin to hesitate in making some of the simplest decisions.  Who to play with, what to answer on the myriad of tests that are now required, hesitation in what to wear and on and on.  I do believe that if we were honest with ourselves a niggling deep inside us that we notice with a bit of whimsy, occurs when our children hesitate in their decision making.  That niggling deep inside is our soul reminding us that it hasn’t left and is within our reach,,,, if only we would open the door,,, just ever so slightly.

Your soul is the connection to the Divine. It is the piece of you that knows without a shadow of doubt that you are Divine.  It is the Christ piece so many strive to attain.  It never left and it will never leave.  We might duct tape the door shut, seal it in hopes that the light that peaks out is diminished, we might camouflage the entrance so our uniqueness is smothered and we are deemed normal and sometimes we may nail it shut with 2x4’s and millions of nails in hopes it goes far, far away never to be seen by us and others again. 

Fortunately, these tactics are not forever, our soul finds help in many forms.  One of the most obvious is nature.  When lost in the woods, we may create a grand story of aloneness, but one moment of pause and BLAM the story has a new twist!  Hark, the many wondrous sounds and sights’ surrounding us confirms that soul has crept through the duct tape.  What about all the children?  We recognize soul within them there is no denying that!  Acts of simple kindness is soul peaking out from within another.  And when it seems that darkness has alighted upon us, there reaching out to us in the form of a helping hand, is soul.  I think the most amazing time is when we finally realize that we have created these affirmations to remind us that we are not separate – we are the Divine, we are soul.

Throughout human history we have ensured that our souls are not lost to us forever.  And yet we still struggle with the divine within us.  I remember the gradual lowering of my veil.  I remember wondering at the age of 8 why the magic was being stolen from me.  I remember feeling lost and all alone the day my dad told me I was too old to hold his hand.  And I remember going out into our backyard to sit under a large elm tree looking up into it and wishing I could go home.  Home to where? I paused only shortly and once again wished to go home to where I was not alone and the magic never ended.  I remember climbing high up into the tree embracing each branch as I climbed higher hoping to reach home.  And then it happened.  I nestled myself close against the trunk of the tree held safely by its branches finally realizing that I was here to stay.  But I was no longer feeling alone.  I felt a warmth grow deep within my heart, the comfort of the tree, and a whisper stirring telling me I would not walk alone ever in this life.  From that moment on, I lived by this motto, “I will not grow up to be like you.  I will never be separate from the trees and rocks as long as I walk upon this land.  I will always listen to that voice that arises from within.” 

This decision at 8 years of age was sorely tested and like the divine it has withstood the tests life would throw down in front of me.  My life experiences with soul has had some very quiet moments, some life saving moments, some holy shit batman moments, and some this way please.  I have stood steadfastly to the direction I wished to follow in hopes of smothering my life force only to be guided gently out of the foray into the meadow.   I have been held ever so gently by my soul as my heart lay shattered in a million pieces at my feet, and with each I have found great joy, strength, and the wisdom to continue. 

To allow our soul to truly enter our place of life helping us to change the story is what transforms you into you.  It is at those times that being us brings peace.  We do not travel this life alone.  We have been so smart in creating others in our life.  There may be times when those around us bring stories we wish were never written and yet soul still speaks within those stories always willing to help us heal those stories and leave them far behind.  It is in traversing our journeys that soul speaks, guides, and yes – grabs us.  Soul is not a complicated experience.  It is a simple expression of daily life.  As the sun rises, soul shines, as the child laughs, soul speaks, as the parent embraces, soul nurtures, and as we give, soul rises. Living from your soul makes decisions, simple and natural.  Decision making from your souls' perspective doesn't require days of pondering, list making, or consternation.  It only requires that you listen, feel, and trust that every decision is made for the greater good of you and all.  Be brave and remove the duct tape, the 2x4's and allow the light to shine through and then out of you.  Allow the veil to thin and embrace the courage and wisdom the resides within you.  

Think back to the mantra of Count your Blessings.  Each time you make that list, you are connecting to your soul.  Each moment you say a quiet prayer of thanks, you just welcomed soul in and those hugs you give are an exchange of soul love not just to the recipient but also to you.  Soul knows no boundaries, no limitations, no prejudice; soul only knows the divinity within each of us.

Take time each day to pause and welcome soul in – it doesn’t have to be upon first rising or the end of the day, let the time be spontaneous, let it be guided by your soul.  Don’t make this Decision driven by Hesitation, let it flow as it did when you were small.  You might just find a miracle.

Xoxo – The Soul Traveler

Post Thanksgiving Pondering

Yes I should start this with all the things I am thankful for but not today.  Today I want to reflect upon kindness.  What really is kindness and how did I come to know what it meant?

It isn’t what you think. It isn’t small simple Acts.  It is a way of life and comes to you silently in the night.  It comes from you when all that is around you is darkness.

People don’t bring you kindness like you were taught.  Oh no, don’t count on that for true kindness comes from you.  You awaken kindness in others.

When you ask my family what they remember of me as a child they will say how tiny I was, how I delighted in everything, and how kind I was.  Well did it stay with me as I grew up?  Did it come from me when I was competing with a school mate for the top spot in a highly coveted position?  Did it come from me when I lay devastated about a life event?  Did it come from me at the scene of my sons accident?  Did it come from me when I was told, “We have to let you go” from my employment?

I don’t recall stopping and say, I must be kind here, at any of those moments in time.  I can tell you that in those moments, I saw in their eyes a request for me to hold them, to give them permission to succeed, be forgiven, loved, and encouraged.  How could I have read what was in their eyes?  I read it because I have reflected those same needs in my eyes.  I have stood there naked and not received.  I have stood there and realized that I cannot ask of others what I, myself, am not willing to give.

I thank my beautiful wonderful stars that somehow I knew that kindness coupled with laughter would heal a broken heart.  It will encourage a lost soul.  It will stop a war.  

I wasn’t always kind.  When I began too realize that there is hurtfulness in the world, I wasn’t always willing to be kind to my competition or the person who was the cause of my consternation.  I will have to say that not being kind was something I had to learn.  I had to learn that sometimes people hurt you when you are kind to them.  I had to learn that sometimes when you are kind to someone they will still scream and hurt you.  

And then I had to learn that even if they are hurtful to you, kindness is the way to heal your pain and theirs.  I had to learn not to expect anything back when I was kind.  I had to learn that the stories and all the lessons taught to me were wrong.  I had to return to the innocence I knew as a child with the wisdom of my years.

And most importantly I had to listen only to my soul for my guidance and my solace.  I had to live my life from all my wounds, all my mistakes, and all my misunderstandings.  I embraced my soul’s wisdom and kindness and my soul returned me back to ME.  My soul showed me that the kindness that lay deep within me was strengthened by all my life experiences.  It was through those experiences that I could see, feel and understand the stories of everyone I met.  I could see it in the grocery clerk, the postal worker, my family and friends, my co-workers and everyone I passed in the street.  I could see it in me.  I could reach across the aisle to those I would leave behind in my job.  I could be kind to them as I said good-bye.  

When my son was killed I reached across the aisle to the ambulance drivers to thank them for transporting him gently to the morgue.  Watching them tear up and thank me for thanking them, something that they had never experienced, surprised me. I didn’t do this because I am so wonderful but because at that moment I finally realized how difficult their job must be transporting dear ones and that they too must hurt.  I did it because I knew they had been as gentle with him as I would have been.  It was my soul that showed me that in those difficult moments in our life a stranger is also impacted.  When the physician comes to tell the difficult news to a patient and their family, they are feeling the news also.  It is in those difficult moments, in those dark times, that true kindness springs forth from us.  If you take the time to really allow your soul to show you the light within your darkness, kindness will spring forth.  Kindness first given to you by opening to your soul and then from you it will spread out into the world.  

I now understand the saying my father would often recite, “You can catch more with honey”.  I thought he meant sweetness since of course honey is sweet.  No, he meant kindness.  You can draw to yourself all the things you so desperately want in your life with true kindness.  It is from the kindness you share with others that brings others willing to share their kindness.  

As I gathered my belongs on Wednesday from my office I had occupied for a year, I was interrupted by co-workers who stepped cautiously into my space.  Cautious because they did not know what to say or how to reach out to me.  I greeted each of them with a soft gentle smile that came from years of learning to be kind to myself.  And they sighed, their eyes tearing, and they courageously spoke 6 words, "I will miss your caring ways."  There was no bashing of the event or times to come, there was only a sharing of this moment in time where kindness needed to be expressed.  By my willingness to be vulnerable, honest, and kind they were given permission to reciprocate; each of us receiving a multitude of love and courage through a simple act of kindness, an act of acceptance.

Kindness is a simple act that we have so often forgotten. It is not something learned, only remembered.  It is a remembering that comes from loving yourself enough to truly care.  Today and all the days ahead spend time allowing your soul to show you the kindness that has been there for you all along.  Lying deep within you where only you have the key.

XOXOX - T