The Lady of the River

I am a water baby at heart.  A Pisces that has been land-locked most of her life must take the time to really refuel with water.  Lately I have been craving a float in the fueling waters of this planet.  Just to sit and hear the movement, feel the caress, and absorb the nourishment for my soul.  Daily I walk upon the crust of Gaia grateful for the opportunity to commune with her and her creatures.  I love smelling the scents of the trees and grasses, glimpsing the wildlife and soaring with the bird tribe, and yet my soul is drawn to the water.

Today I gave in.

I loaded my pack with offerings.  I pulled one container of moon ceremony waters that raised its hand, gently securing it deep within my pack next to my favorite Hobbs.  Hobbs travels everywhere with me.  He is my tool of comfort for those who cannot find it.  Today Hobbs is joining me at the river.  Hobbs will bring the water medicine home for future use.

My first stop proved to be uninterested in fulfilling my request.  No worries.  Knowing this place would fill it for others I turned around to travel further down the road.  Spying a turnoff I made a sudden decision and turned left across the highway.  For 10 minutes I journeyed east towards the river and Poker Joe's fishing access.  Discovering only one car in the lot I pulled in placing my car squarely in the shade.  It was still early.  The sun travels slowly west this time of year leaving shade available for most of my planned time.

I followed the trail stepping around mud puddles moving further into the brush.  It was a well worn trail even indicating a quad-wheel had recently been through leaving scars in the deep grass.  It was quiet as I removed my sunglasses to see clearer.  Finally I came out into a clearing.  It was obviously the river had come this far in this spring.  Large trees littered the sandy rock filled ground before me.  The river still lay 500 feet further east.  Spotting the fisherman I turned away heading left picking my way toward the bank.  

Finding the edge where I wanted to settle I asked the river permission to join her for the day.  Quietly she meandered by beckoning me to sit for a conversation.  The breeze was strong enough to take the heat from the rocks, blowing away any chance of a candle or smudge, still leaving me refreshed and cleared.   

The remnants of moon-bathed chocolate cake came out to be sprinkled across her ripples in offering to the water sprites that danced.  Chuckling to myself I wondered if my activity would draw the trout away from the fisherman as I continued with my offerings of cedar, salt, and lavender.  Sensing something behind me I glanced up as a large blue heron graced the stark blue sky melding into the rhythm of the breeze.  Distracted in my thoughts to grab my phone, turning I ignored the request and watched her elegant flight.  Stillness settled as I felt drawn back to the river and her rhythm.  

With a sigh I released all my worries, aspirations, and plans to her as I called my guides and star family to this moment.  My body refreshed itself in the sounds of her lapping the shore carrying everything away. Trout jumped at the dragonflies skipping across enticing them in play.  I watched as an osprey soared carrying my dreams home.  

Closing my eyes the Spirit of the Bitterroot River glided across towards me.  She offered her wisdom.  Her deeper understanding of the part we each hold was gifted as I quietly poured my water offering into her depths.  Tears spilled sending ripples into her.  Slowly I stepped out into her allowing the washing and anointing.  My soul sang with each step.   As I returned to my spot a dark little frog hopped across my path a perfect gift to seal the moment.

Finally the river released me.  Packing to head home I heard the request to bring my drum next week so she could teach me a new song.  Be sure to bring lunch she said your body will need the nourishment.  Delighted I turned to leave.

Heading back across unfamiliar ground I made the choice to follow the call.  Soon I found myself watching the blue heron fishing.  As she elegantly stood in silence she stole a glance of me.  I swore she winked as I tiptoed closer.  This time I knew a photo was appropriate.  Clicking away I watched as she fished mesmerized by her beauty and presence.

Knowing it was time to return I found myself startled each time I startled the bird tribes hidden on the trail.  Laughing I heard the chatter of the black chipmunk above me as he warned those ahead.  I tried, unsuccessfully, to capture him.  He blended in the dark burnt bark of the trees.

Blessings abound for me.  I am constantly in awe at how Source gifts, loves, and teaches us.  Holding yourself in humility and love offers opportunities for simple affirmations of the grandeur of life.  I cherish this land and feel its calls deeply.  It is the waters that fill me with ancient memories.  They are very sacred to me.  Pouring my moon water back into her filled me with gratitude.  Humbly I realized how small I was compared to her, the Bitterroot River, and all the waters she represented.  I hold sacred my calling to care for these waters.  My part is small, this I know.  Yet each day I offer in prayer for the care of our waters supports the larger picture.

She wanders long and deep carrying our earliest memories and the truth of who we truly are.  One day she will bring us all home.

The Soul Traveler

After the Mist ....

For 5 days we have had rain and more rain and low clouds with the sun refusing to shine daily except for one bright Wednesday morning for exactly 2 hours followed by a deluge of rain for 24 hours.  This isn't a normal phenomenon here.  Yes, June can be a very rainy month but this isn't the Pacific NW and the sun generally rules the day.  

For me, the symbol searcher and metaphor masher, I found myself reflecting on this pattern for insight into the bigger picture.  Refusing to dwell on the obvious of "not more rain" coupled with the pouty "I want sunshine" I found myself investigating my true reaction to this turn of weather.  

Coupled with the Full Moon where I relished the release of what I perceived to be stumbling blocks I have been gifted with visitors to my humble abode.  This timing was perfect to help deflect any insights I felt would follow my full moon ceremony.  Spending time with friends is always motivating fun filled with opportunities to connect deeper.  It is also time that takes one out of your normal patterns and brings a smidgeon of chaos.  It is a time that asks you to connect on a deeper soul level with another human, another soul, another traveler bringing you to a new level of soul identity.

Sitting watching the mist swirl forth from my surroundings my soul nudged me to find my new soul identity and either claim it or not.  Could I really actualize and relish my new connections and identity?  Was I willing to leave behind a pattern of solitude?  Would this short time spent with others in my home and life open me to a better understanding?  Is the direction spent the last 7 months the only direction?

Garnering all my reflections, I realized soon I would be leaving the course of my life and embarking upon another direction, another journey that would lead me deeper into my soul identity.  This journey would include more interaction.  It would be filled with other soul travelers embarking on their new levels of identity.  My community was calling.  It was asking me to leave my pattern of solitude, my cave of reflection, and come forth out of the mist.

Was I up to this request?  Could I still set aside solitude, creation time, and be watchful of old patterning and denial?  As the mist moved up and out of my space I knew like it I was ready.  I could be the mist and its the aftermath, life.  

We are not defined by our patterns.  We are not defined by our friends, our body, our work, or our words.  Everything is fluid.  Everything is mist.  All life, all identity comes as mist and it is us who brings into the world.  We are the mist.  We form and swirl creating our life.  We are then asked to release and awaken into the light allowing it to feed us drawing us out of the separation.  It asks us to relish the time of the mist.  It asks us to be the time after the mist.

For me I know what time it is.  What about you?

xoxoxo

The Soul Traveler

A New Day Dawning

Whoa what a whirlwind month April has been for me!  Writing, writing, and more writing was the focus and the call.  Words tumbling out faster than I could type.  Thoughts lost in the dark recesses of my mind wiggling their fingers in a call for me to follow. I celebrated the completion of one writing commitment and said good-bye to another support to my writing.  It felt right as I came to the end of April and looked out across the expanse lying before me.

Giving myself permission to not write for a week, I found more than rest from the drive but also a newness dawning.  My head felt dusty and fallow.  It became apparent to me that a refreshing approach was needed.  In my resistance to pausing I found myself chastising what I assumed was laziness and a return to old patterns of not finishing projects.  Fortunately I flushed those mean words down the drain and carried on.

What began to unfold was another call to creativity.  This call had been pushed far back into the corner to allow for the blogging and book writing to take center stage.  There was real reluctance on my part to bring something new forward and not stay to the course.  Finally in a true fit of stubbornness, I took pen to paper and allowed the creativity on another project to begin.  It was deafening the sounds pouring out into the open.  The artistic side sauntered through on an afternoon breeze and created deeper focus for my writing and design work.  It really surprised me.  Advice that had been given affirmed the value of my pause.

It is a tricky place pattern breaking.  Those ways that we think have kept us safe and sane, when called to task, leave reluctantly.  After much practice they design new ways of adjusting falsely.   Our minds are grand instruments and when paired with ego develop an ability to fine-tune themselves into exquisite works.   These works trick us into thinking they aren't tied to ego or old patterns dressed up in different attire.  It is important to take pause, listen, and use discernment to identify the trickster.  As you move further into oneness with soul you will know the difference in the illusion and your ego will do overtime.  As frustrating as this may seem you should welcome the experience.  The more you can identify how your ego shows up the more you can step further into your true self.  Ego will never completely leave nor do we want it.  It will however learn its place in your life which is awakening.  Stripping the illusion away, having no opinion of the illusion, and still being in the illusion are skills that will be acquired as you continue to walk upon your path.  

Now May is almost over.   The writing that has taken place for me has been insightful.  My main character in my book is back and refreshed.  She has given me more to write and spurs me to tell her tale.  There are other stories developing.   This excites me to know the well is not dry.  I have found joy again in my blogging and spring is officially here in my piece of the world.  I have learned more about who and how and care less about the why.  The discovery of a new pattern to wash down the drain brings another level to my path.  

There is a new day dawning.  It comes quietly, renewed and welcomed.  There is a new level to me.  It comes quietly, simply, and unabashedly.  I understand my writing and a deeper me.  They are intertwined and have no pause to be iconic.  They just are.  I believe there will always be new days dawning.  It won't just happen to me.  They are there for all of us.  Enjoy them!

~The Soul Traveler

the big T ....

My life hasn't been much different from everyone else's.  It has stories that books are written about, yes, and yet those stories don't define me.  It is often hard for me to really recall all the emotion and drama of most of my life now.  What still comes up are the parts and pieces that I still cling to for identity.  I laughed at myself the other day as I sat for morning prayers begging for focus to continue writing on my book or just finish one of my many projects.  Looking up I noticed I had placed a heart shaped chalk board with the words, "I release my inability to focus to the Universe, love teri" as a tool to help me.  As I sat there totally frustrated, begging Brigid to help with inspiration, a flash of clarity zipped through my mind.  Duh!  Release!  I burst out laughing, threw my hands up, had a V8 moment and released.  Immediately I felt the difference.  I felt the release.  I stood up, bowed in gratitude, poured more coffee and began to write.  I finished two chapters, wrote my e-course, went to yoga, and still had 6 hours before bed. 

Asking for help and then getting out of the way is crucial.  It takes trust.  Trust in your beliefs.  Trust in you.  Trust that your ego doesn't run the show.  How many times have you found yourself asking for help and then hemmed and hawed over the help?  Do you allow your friends to help you?  Do you even ask for help?  What I see so often when a friend refuses to ask for help, is that they don't trust themselves.  I know that sounds odd.  Shouldn't it be they don't trust others?  No actually.  Trusting comes from you first.

Trusting others comes after you learn to trust yourself. 

Trust so often gets buried deep.  It is the first thing that gets challenged.  You can experience its lack the moment you are born or within the first years of your life.  As the veil draws down and your ego blossoms, trust disappears.  Forgetting who you are comes from losing trust. 

As my life unfolded and I journeyed through dark valleys what kept the fire burning to find a way through was my trust.  I trusted that it would end.  I trusted in finding help.  I trusted that the choice I had made would not kill me.  I trusted I KNEW the reason.

I trusted ME.  In trusting me I finally let go of needing a reason for anything in my life.  The ME I trusted was soul and its divine connection to Source.  When trusting others was dashed I trusted me.  I am not talking about pie in the sky trust.  Believe me I can feel when someone who should not be trusted walks into my space.  I have met many a person not worthy of trust.  I trust me and my ability to sense even those who are not to be trusted.  In this process I deepened my connection unfolding who I truly was in the process.

When I find myself conflicted I ask "are you trusting?"  Are you?

xoxox ~ The Soul Traveler

Uncovering next steps

The other day I reflected on the changes going on in my life and how I use simple rituals to move through the fears.  I also spoke about several online classes I took in preparation for moving my dreams, my passions forward.  Those classes brought with them their own set of fears, needs, and ah ha moments.  

Life has always brought to me many of the same concerns, fears, and needs that others experience.  And to some it seems like I am just sailing down the river…  well shit sherlock not always true.  I have acquired a keen sense of what can ail me in certain junctions or scenarios.  I acquired this sense by really spending time getting to know my still small voice - My Soul.  

The writing class I am taking has a piece of daily work called morning pages.  It is really the trash can where all those thoughts, lies, negative beliefs go so that the real creativity floats to the top.  Well what also shows up for the trash can are those moments in your life where you may have had soul loss.  And on one day this week up sprang the imagine of me trying desperately to spit out an A&W order I wanted to place.  Now I am not 8 years old placing this order, I am a licensed teenage driver.  I discovered a profound fear of talking into mechanical devices when I needed to acquire a service, advise, find information or just plan order a burger during puberty.  I was deathly afraid of calling someone and appearing like I did not know what I was talking about or how to ask a question of them.  This then led to a fear of talking into the speaker to acquire a simple lunch order.  If I was talking directly to the person,,,,,, not one bit of fear.  I eventually worked through the fear without the help of my laughing brothers but apparently something was still there.  

This fear still was lying deep within my psyche.  Is it really a fear of "oh my god I have to talk to a stranger"?  Hell no there isn't a stranger in my life. It is really the fear of not being able to physically see what they think of me.  Sounds silly, I know.  But a serious block to creativity and …. shit life for that matter!

For those who know me, there is so very little I am not willing to do.  I quit a well paying job and moved to follow my dreams, train people, hold workshops, offer one/one sessions, work customer service like it has never been worked, and generally know exactly how to welcome and ease others into pretty scary places.  You see back then it wasn't the fear of the unknown it was the fear of showing how much I may not know and being laughed at… something I am sure most of us have experienced.  Growing up in a very competitive home with expectations of being brighter than your sibling for someone sensitive built many defenses, fears, and blocks.  So now this piece that I thought had been covered in previous deep work is up front and center asking me to see it.  

Being a shamanic practitioner I looked to see if it would require deep work and surprisingly I found that the deep work had been done.  What was needed was an embracing and welcoming of this young woman.  This young woman needed a voice and recognition of her sensitivity and needs.  Puberty brings with it so many changes that can baffle and challenge you.   Having no where to go or no one to seek guidance adds layers that eventually need to be cleared.   All the prior healing work I had done and the deep relationship with my soul combined with a bloodhounds nose, I can quickly and smoothly recognize the issue, source the solution, embrace it, and welcome the next adventure.  Traveling through my life with my soul leading brings balance, joy, fulfillment and awe.  The ingredients to a stellar life where the right answers aren't needed.

I gave this young woman a voice with my morning pages. I gave her an embrace and told her there was no reason to know everything.  I told her how what I knew I knew with all my heart and this life isn't a test to see who comes out with the most A's.  My life is about joy, experience, heart, and fun.  I told her the race never ends until our last breath so whatever we want to learn we have plenty of time.  Embracing her I assured her there is no shame in not knowing the answer.  And finally I told her the joy is in discovering the question.  And then ….. she talked…..

The Soul Traveler

Chchchanges…….

I was laid off from my main employment just before Thanksgiving.  Now don't feel all-sorry for me… the Holidays still happened, I still ate too much sugar, and had presents to unwrap!  It actually turned out to be a good time because no one was hiring, so no applications to fill out, hence no stress, and I really gave myself permission to stop doing what I had been doing for most of my life - Helping other people create and live their dreams.

I decided to take the month of December and not do ANYTHING of real purpose.  I have to laugh now as every thing I did that month was of real purpose; all the late nights, the naps, the sleeping in, the wandering around town, the reshuffling of rooms, the reshuffling of a huge pattern of life that no longer suited me.  I wrestled with returning to school for a 'better' more useful BS.  I struggled with how much do I sell off.  But mostly the glaring piece I wrestled with was how do I lead my life with what I love.  Ironically in mid January, a mentor and friend, Robin Rice had gifted me a post card with that exact phrase, "Lead With What You Love" in my beauty box for the HWPB course.  

But before I could lead I had to remember what it was that I truly loved!   I had to dismantle the pieces of the pattern I had used to maintain a life.  It wasn't a bad life at all.  I was happy, I had a position that afforded me the means to travel, keep a comfortable home, pay bills and otherwise be a productive citizen.  I wasn't in love with my position and in all honesty I was so burned out I looked like burnt toast.  

I had some incredibly awesome clients that added fuel to my soul, I was in an apprenticeship that fed and challenged me, part of a meditation group, and I had just recently launched a fantastic website that put me and what I love to do out into the world!  So I had an idea of what I loved - Well honestly I KNEW what I loved.  I just didn't know how to let it lead me into abundance and creating my dreams.  

I had lost sight of my dreams on the day I decided to leave Star Haven Mountain Retreat in 1999.  I left for a myriad of reasons and the final nail was the death of my son.  As I moved through my grief it was Star Haven, the people it brought, and what I had created for others and myself that carried me forward every single day.  Star Haven had been a vision I was shown one winter afternoon in Loveland Colorado as I journeyed and conversed with the Universe. It was a vision that fueled my weary bones and brought me to the realization that I could create something tangible.  I remember at my son's sending off ceremony, the number of people present after only being in the area for about year warmed me and sustained me over some very dark and cloudy days.  But it was these memories that never carried any pain, that would push me and push me to another deeper level of understanding and acceptance of all that life has to offer.  Yet, here I was facing another curve in the road, and I couldn't lay claim to my dream and how to lead with what I love.

Fortunately, I have a strong relationship with my soul and the Universe.  And fortunately, they all have the patience of Job!

There was some teeth gnawing this go around as I asked, reshuffled, refused, and pretty much was a true Muggle in reclaiming my dreams.  I finally tossed away all the "expected" responses and went with my new rituals!

I took advantage of the full & new moons, the Solstice, the New Year "resolutions" (which I personally don't do), the acquiring of a Muse and the constant urgings of a new group of star beings.  For the new moon in December I asked for a new dream and those to help me to be shown to me and carried that request forward to January since as far as I could tell nothing had been revealed.  For the Solstice, Maeve and all my ancestors showed up across the veil from me with lanterns, candles, and torches telling me they would help to light the way, oh and yeah to kick my Irish ass for being so thick….  

For the full moon in December I released my fear of success, my incessant desire to run the show, and my belief that I was too late to the game.  And in January, I released new items because there was no need to release again those items in December.  I can say those no longer weigh me down. Yes!!  

Brigid became my muse for the creative blocks that were plaguing me and each morning I light a candle to her asking for her inspiration to move forward towards my creations.  Not surprising I was lead to three on-line classes that would help me to not only rediscover my dream but also to bring new tools.  

For the New Year, since I am not a 'resolutioner', I was gifted with a client that day to really anchor in the energetic intent for 2014.  The client was not planned and sprang from the dawning of a new year.  I felt elated to know that supporting the empowerment of others - my joy - would be the first item of business for the new year.  After the session, I spent time in ritual to give thanks for the client and the setting of intent securely into 2014.

And then the work started……. still not really knowing what I was to lead with but assuming it was geared around virtual work, I signed up for a course with Seth Godin on creating my own 7-part leverage plan and one with Jacob Nordby for unblocking my writing.  Well lets just say, shit, damn, and ruckus!  The course with Seth forced me to own my dream again.  The writing course????  Well those long dormant simple wishes came screaming out of the daily morning pages.  

I have in 7 days designed a business model for 3Rivers Holistic an integrative center, written my first full poem in 43 years, finished my first fire element medicine bag, and begun work on my star soul oracle cards.

The feeling of knowing me again is renewing.  In the midst of all the accepted patterns of life I had hidden away the woman who dreams!  I can feel the stability of me underneath my feet, I can see the lanterns light the way ahead, and I know that divine inspiration flows through me once again.  The cork has been removed and the bubbles sparkle as they join me in my travels.  I also know that those items I have completed are opening the gates to allow for the flooding of my e-courses and online offerings.

Life is about changes.  It is how we discover more about the Universe and ourselves.  By using ritual I was able to unveil my dreams once again.  Through ritual I was able to get out of the way and allow Spirit to work through me.  As the saying goes, I couldn't see the forest for the trees and once I started using ritual the sleep was removed from my eyes.  I have a heart shaped chalkboard over my altar and written on it since November 27 is - I release my work to the Universe.  The chalkboard in my career corner says -  I am a successful and prolific writer!  Ritual at work again for my future.  

As we grow deeper in our spirituality layer after layer is removed and the levels of fear, stubbornness and other beliefs we hold become less prevalent in our life.  Because we are a spiritual being having a human experience those layers become less, yes, but they never truly disappear. These layers, these experiences are what make up our life.  Yes, we become more fluid in finding the tool to release the sticky stuck layers and discover those tools quicker but until we have our closing ceremony on the celebration called Life we will always be peeling away our layers.  Through ritual we can discover what layer to remove, which tool to use and the most enriching manner for removal.

Here's to changes and life!!

The Soul Traveler

Simplicity

Today is 1/1/14… a new day dawns to remind me that once again I rise to the occasion.  Tis very funny but on this first day of a new year - a Number 8 year for me - I actually did a very simple sacred ritual to usher it in (I generally wait until my birthday to reflect on the year and create a intent for the next year).  I am not big on large expressions of anything…. I always sense the turning point of a large expression from true love, gratitude, awe etc to over emphasis and grandiose ego involvement.   Perhaps it is just me who senses this change but I really don't think I am alone.  Take a moment and watch the next time you are incased in a large expression.  Feel for the moment when it moves from a simple genuine fulfilling sacred moment to one of over emphasis.  Let your body mark that moment and ask your soul to help you to remember, so that when you are expressing it, remains simple and sacred.

Today I spent time sitting quietly in the morning waking to the sun rising to a new day, new year.  I envisioned a light being carried by myself feeling the presence of so many others as I walked gently towards the opening in the clouds.  With each step I whispered my gratitude for opportunities that lay ahead yet discovered, the love and care of my friends and family, for my health, my home, my body and my ability to go deeper into my relationship with soul, spirit, and the divine.  I then sat with this vision allowing my body to feel the sacredness of the stillness, the blessing of the gratitude, and the love of the light. In the quietness of the morning I could feel the expansiveness of the Divine that is expressed through all things, allowing my body to embrace and feel that oneness that holds each of us though out our days.  The expansiveness gave me a color to bring into my awareness - soft luminescent purple.  Allowing this color to envelope me brought closure to the simple sacred ritual for welcoming 2014.

I do not make resolutions.  I learned early that doing so emphasizes all the "things" I perceive as just not so right about me.  Instead I listen quietly for the part of me that would like to speak to the world, a part that has been quiet, or perhaps a part that just wants to be so more present.  Giving voice and recognition to more of me always leads me on an adventurous journey, guaranteed!  For my 2014 journey I asked quietly as I sat drinking my morning tea and was gifted with an electrifying squeal of "Let's carry on with what we have designed these last 30 days of 2013 and see who, what, where, and when it takes us!  It will be such a delightful adventure!"  Before accepting this pronouncement, I scan my body of its willingness to carry on and looking for any reluctance and finally asking my soul, guidance, and Spirit for their input.  I then follow with my sacred ritual to claim this request which allows for full participation of body, mind and soul.

Now it is time to step out into the world.

Welcome 2014 with simplicity and enjoy where ever your journey takes you.

Decide ………..

What a big thing…. To Decide.  To decide what it is you want to be when you grow up or perhaps what to wear, what to eat or who to date?  We grow up being told making decisions should be major events.  Yet somehow we know this really isn’t true.

As toddlers we saw, thought and decided all within a split second.  We ventured forward out of our singular space into a larger space.  We grabbed first one toy and then another never pondering for days on end.  We decided to take our first step on our own and then another.  Someone could argue that it appears a child is debating whether to leave the safety of crawling to begin the adventure of walking but if you watch closely you will see that isn’t the case.  The child is content to move at their pace not sit and ponder for days the next move.  

Every single day we make decisions and some we choose to make more impactful than the decision to take another breath.  Why do we do that, how did we get here and what would happen if we took even the “big” decisions in stride like all the other ones we make every single second?  How can we get to this place of innocence and spontaneous decisions again?

Before the Age of Reason the veil is still very thin and often times completely open for many.  The invisible playmates, clips of wisdom, and spontaneous joy shown by children that can seem daunting to those whose veil is securely intact are everyday examples of a thin veil.  Then as time passes we notice that our children begin to mimic us in ways more than just words.  If you notice our children begin to hesitate in making some of the simplest decisions.  Who to play with, what to answer on the myriad of tests that are now required, hesitation in what to wear and on and on.  I do believe that if we were honest with ourselves a niggling deep inside us that we notice with a bit of whimsy, occurs when our children hesitate in their decision making.  That niggling deep inside is our soul reminding us that it hasn’t left and is within our reach,,,, if only we would open the door,,, just ever so slightly.

Your soul is the connection to the Divine. It is the piece of you that knows without a shadow of doubt that you are Divine.  It is the Christ piece so many strive to attain.  It never left and it will never leave.  We might duct tape the door shut, seal it in hopes that the light that peaks out is diminished, we might camouflage the entrance so our uniqueness is smothered and we are deemed normal and sometimes we may nail it shut with 2x4’s and millions of nails in hopes it goes far, far away never to be seen by us and others again. 

Fortunately, these tactics are not forever, our soul finds help in many forms.  One of the most obvious is nature.  When lost in the woods, we may create a grand story of aloneness, but one moment of pause and BLAM the story has a new twist!  Hark, the many wondrous sounds and sights’ surrounding us confirms that soul has crept through the duct tape.  What about all the children?  We recognize soul within them there is no denying that!  Acts of simple kindness is soul peaking out from within another.  And when it seems that darkness has alighted upon us, there reaching out to us in the form of a helping hand, is soul.  I think the most amazing time is when we finally realize that we have created these affirmations to remind us that we are not separate – we are the Divine, we are soul.

Throughout human history we have ensured that our souls are not lost to us forever.  And yet we still struggle with the divine within us.  I remember the gradual lowering of my veil.  I remember wondering at the age of 8 why the magic was being stolen from me.  I remember feeling lost and all alone the day my dad told me I was too old to hold his hand.  And I remember going out into our backyard to sit under a large elm tree looking up into it and wishing I could go home.  Home to where? I paused only shortly and once again wished to go home to where I was not alone and the magic never ended.  I remember climbing high up into the tree embracing each branch as I climbed higher hoping to reach home.  And then it happened.  I nestled myself close against the trunk of the tree held safely by its branches finally realizing that I was here to stay.  But I was no longer feeling alone.  I felt a warmth grow deep within my heart, the comfort of the tree, and a whisper stirring telling me I would not walk alone ever in this life.  From that moment on, I lived by this motto, “I will not grow up to be like you.  I will never be separate from the trees and rocks as long as I walk upon this land.  I will always listen to that voice that arises from within.” 

This decision at 8 years of age was sorely tested and like the divine it has withstood the tests life would throw down in front of me.  My life experiences with soul has had some very quiet moments, some life saving moments, some holy shit batman moments, and some this way please.  I have stood steadfastly to the direction I wished to follow in hopes of smothering my life force only to be guided gently out of the foray into the meadow.   I have been held ever so gently by my soul as my heart lay shattered in a million pieces at my feet, and with each I have found great joy, strength, and the wisdom to continue. 

To allow our soul to truly enter our place of life helping us to change the story is what transforms you into you.  It is at those times that being us brings peace.  We do not travel this life alone.  We have been so smart in creating others in our life.  There may be times when those around us bring stories we wish were never written and yet soul still speaks within those stories always willing to help us heal those stories and leave them far behind.  It is in traversing our journeys that soul speaks, guides, and yes – grabs us.  Soul is not a complicated experience.  It is a simple expression of daily life.  As the sun rises, soul shines, as the child laughs, soul speaks, as the parent embraces, soul nurtures, and as we give, soul rises. Living from your soul makes decisions, simple and natural.  Decision making from your souls' perspective doesn't require days of pondering, list making, or consternation.  It only requires that you listen, feel, and trust that every decision is made for the greater good of you and all.  Be brave and remove the duct tape, the 2x4's and allow the light to shine through and then out of you.  Allow the veil to thin and embrace the courage and wisdom the resides within you.  

Think back to the mantra of Count your Blessings.  Each time you make that list, you are connecting to your soul.  Each moment you say a quiet prayer of thanks, you just welcomed soul in and those hugs you give are an exchange of soul love not just to the recipient but also to you.  Soul knows no boundaries, no limitations, no prejudice; soul only knows the divinity within each of us.

Take time each day to pause and welcome soul in – it doesn’t have to be upon first rising or the end of the day, let the time be spontaneous, let it be guided by your soul.  Don’t make this Decision driven by Hesitation, let it flow as it did when you were small.  You might just find a miracle.

Xoxo – The Soul Traveler

Post Thanksgiving Pondering

Yes I should start this with all the things I am thankful for but not today.  Today I want to reflect upon kindness.  What really is kindness and how did I come to know what it meant?

It isn’t what you think. It isn’t small simple Acts.  It is a way of life and comes to you silently in the night.  It comes from you when all that is around you is darkness.

People don’t bring you kindness like you were taught.  Oh no, don’t count on that for true kindness comes from you.  You awaken kindness in others.

When you ask my family what they remember of me as a child they will say how tiny I was, how I delighted in everything, and how kind I was.  Well did it stay with me as I grew up?  Did it come from me when I was competing with a school mate for the top spot in a highly coveted position?  Did it come from me when I lay devastated about a life event?  Did it come from me at the scene of my sons accident?  Did it come from me when I was told, “We have to let you go” from my employment?

I don’t recall stopping and say, I must be kind here, at any of those moments in time.  I can tell you that in those moments, I saw in their eyes a request for me to hold them, to give them permission to succeed, be forgiven, loved, and encouraged.  How could I have read what was in their eyes?  I read it because I have reflected those same needs in my eyes.  I have stood there naked and not received.  I have stood there and realized that I cannot ask of others what I, myself, am not willing to give.

I thank my beautiful wonderful stars that somehow I knew that kindness coupled with laughter would heal a broken heart.  It will encourage a lost soul.  It will stop a war.  

I wasn’t always kind.  When I began too realize that there is hurtfulness in the world, I wasn’t always willing to be kind to my competition or the person who was the cause of my consternation.  I will have to say that not being kind was something I had to learn.  I had to learn that sometimes people hurt you when you are kind to them.  I had to learn that sometimes when you are kind to someone they will still scream and hurt you.  

And then I had to learn that even if they are hurtful to you, kindness is the way to heal your pain and theirs.  I had to learn not to expect anything back when I was kind.  I had to learn that the stories and all the lessons taught to me were wrong.  I had to return to the innocence I knew as a child with the wisdom of my years.

And most importantly I had to listen only to my soul for my guidance and my solace.  I had to live my life from all my wounds, all my mistakes, and all my misunderstandings.  I embraced my soul’s wisdom and kindness and my soul returned me back to ME.  My soul showed me that the kindness that lay deep within me was strengthened by all my life experiences.  It was through those experiences that I could see, feel and understand the stories of everyone I met.  I could see it in the grocery clerk, the postal worker, my family and friends, my co-workers and everyone I passed in the street.  I could see it in me.  I could reach across the aisle to those I would leave behind in my job.  I could be kind to them as I said good-bye.  

When my son was killed I reached across the aisle to the ambulance drivers to thank them for transporting him gently to the morgue.  Watching them tear up and thank me for thanking them, something that they had never experienced, surprised me. I didn’t do this because I am so wonderful but because at that moment I finally realized how difficult their job must be transporting dear ones and that they too must hurt.  I did it because I knew they had been as gentle with him as I would have been.  It was my soul that showed me that in those difficult moments in our life a stranger is also impacted.  When the physician comes to tell the difficult news to a patient and their family, they are feeling the news also.  It is in those difficult moments, in those dark times, that true kindness springs forth from us.  If you take the time to really allow your soul to show you the light within your darkness, kindness will spring forth.  Kindness first given to you by opening to your soul and then from you it will spread out into the world.  

I now understand the saying my father would often recite, “You can catch more with honey”.  I thought he meant sweetness since of course honey is sweet.  No, he meant kindness.  You can draw to yourself all the things you so desperately want in your life with true kindness.  It is from the kindness you share with others that brings others willing to share their kindness.  

As I gathered my belongs on Wednesday from my office I had occupied for a year, I was interrupted by co-workers who stepped cautiously into my space.  Cautious because they did not know what to say or how to reach out to me.  I greeted each of them with a soft gentle smile that came from years of learning to be kind to myself.  And they sighed, their eyes tearing, and they courageously spoke 6 words, "I will miss your caring ways."  There was no bashing of the event or times to come, there was only a sharing of this moment in time where kindness needed to be expressed.  By my willingness to be vulnerable, honest, and kind they were given permission to reciprocate; each of us receiving a multitude of love and courage through a simple act of kindness, an act of acceptance.

Kindness is a simple act that we have so often forgotten. It is not something learned, only remembered.  It is a remembering that comes from loving yourself enough to truly care.  Today and all the days ahead spend time allowing your soul to show you the kindness that has been there for you all along.  Lying deep within you where only you have the key.

XOXOX - T

Opening Day ...

What must it feel like to participate in ‘Opening Day”.  We could ask baseball players, or any athlete for that matter, but really are they the only ones experiencing opening day? 

As I prepare to launch my website The Soul Traveler I wanted to write a catchy blog piece.  I tried and tried but nothing seemed to stick for a post.   Finally after struggling, it came to me, what am I about to embark on?  My travel companion reminded me…..

Opening day is so not reserved for athletes or grand occasions it happens every day!

If you wake and sit quietly you can hear the day open.  It takes its time to move to its dawn.  Watch how the darkness slowly creeps barely inching towards the light.  There are moments when it pauses as though it is deciding just how it wants to open.  It isn’t the same every time.  It may appear that way to us but if you watch, listen, still yourself, and be amazed you will know it is not the same every day.

So how can we reflect the essence of the opening day?  What part of the dawn can we exhibit in our life?

My soul has taught me that each moment is an opening day.  It is filled with fanfare, good music, lot’s to cheer about, and memories to carry. 

It was once very common for me to jump out of bed, hurry to the coffee, struggle to the shower and on and on.  Then one day I stumbled to the kitchen and literally said, “I want to get off this merry-go-round.”  It was an opening day moment. 

It was at that moment my soul took the opportunity to show me how the dawn could be different.  It was then I realized what I had just said was a prayer.  The dawn did change, it did move ever so slowly. It did bring different outcomes daily.  Through conversation with my soul I have learned how to reflect the essence of Opening Day.  To slow down my morning, the rush of my workday, enjoy my evening respite, and relish my day closing.  I have taken courage from the dawn.  I am no longer afraid to sit quietly in the dark waiting for the light because my soul sits beside me and assures me that there is light coming.  I pause to hear the decision the dawn makes as to how it will rise just as I pause to decide how I too will meet the day.  Will I greet with wonder or will I greet with worry?  I converse with my soul to seek the knowledge of how best to greet the day.  My soul whispers much like the dawn whispers to the day guiding me forward to realize the fortunes ahead.  If you watch the dawn, you will see how the dawn and the day are in conversation and neither is the leader in charge, they are co-creating.  Watch closely and you can see the mist begin to rise then after a quick conversation the mist disappears and is replaced by a rush of warm wind leading to a different outcome.  This brings us an unexpected Opening Day.

If you aren’t attentive you will have missed the quick chat where decisions were made to alter the outcome.  When we don’t pause as we move about our day to commune with our soul, we will often miss the opportunity to alter an outcome.  Perhaps the chance to meet someone who could lead us to a new employment opportunity is changed because we decided not to listen to the urging to wait 5 minutes before we headed out for lunch.  The dawn, we think, is here to urge us on to our day.  Perhaps the dawn is here to urge us to pause and watch all the possibilities of our day before striking out.

Remember the Dawn’s example through your day.  Use the example to respond to your family member that insists on being right and ask how would my soul, my dawn respond to them.

The dawn is your soul.  Your soul resides in every aspect of you life.  It is not separate from you and your environment.  It is your environment.  We are magical creators and I marvel at my creations.  The dawn is that daily reminder to me that once again I start anew.  Once again I experience my “Opening Day”.   I have at my fingertips the opportunity to learn, share, and be my soul essence.

Ahhhhh!  Let the travels begin!