I was laid off from my main employment just before Thanksgiving. Now don't feel all-sorry for me… the Holidays still happened, I still ate too much sugar, and had presents to unwrap! It actually turned out to be a good time because no one was hiring, so no applications to fill out, hence no stress, and I really gave myself permission to stop doing what I had been doing for most of my life - Helping other people create and live their dreams.
I decided to take the month of December and not do ANYTHING of real purpose. I have to laugh now as every thing I did that month was of real purpose; all the late nights, the naps, the sleeping in, the wandering around town, the reshuffling of rooms, the reshuffling of a huge pattern of life that no longer suited me. I wrestled with returning to school for a 'better' more useful BS. I struggled with how much do I sell off. But mostly the glaring piece I wrestled with was how do I lead my life with what I love. Ironically in mid January, a mentor and friend, Robin Rice had gifted me a post card with that exact phrase, "Lead With What You Love" in my beauty box for the HWPB course.
But before I could lead I had to remember what it was that I truly loved! I had to dismantle the pieces of the pattern I had used to maintain a life. It wasn't a bad life at all. I was happy, I had a position that afforded me the means to travel, keep a comfortable home, pay bills and otherwise be a productive citizen. I wasn't in love with my position and in all honesty I was so burned out I looked like burnt toast.
I had some incredibly awesome clients that added fuel to my soul, I was in an apprenticeship that fed and challenged me, part of a meditation group, and I had just recently launched a fantastic website that put me and what I love to do out into the world! So I had an idea of what I loved - Well honestly I KNEW what I loved. I just didn't know how to let it lead me into abundance and creating my dreams.
I had lost sight of my dreams on the day I decided to leave Star Haven Mountain Retreat in 1999. I left for a myriad of reasons and the final nail was the death of my son. As I moved through my grief it was Star Haven, the people it brought, and what I had created for others and myself that carried me forward every single day. Star Haven had been a vision I was shown one winter afternoon in Loveland Colorado as I journeyed and conversed with the Universe. It was a vision that fueled my weary bones and brought me to the realization that I could create something tangible. I remember at my son's sending off ceremony, the number of people present after only being in the area for about year warmed me and sustained me over some very dark and cloudy days. But it was these memories that never carried any pain, that would push me and push me to another deeper level of understanding and acceptance of all that life has to offer. Yet, here I was facing another curve in the road, and I couldn't lay claim to my dream and how to lead with what I love.
Fortunately, I have a strong relationship with my soul and the Universe. And fortunately, they all have the patience of Job!
There was some teeth gnawing this go around as I asked, reshuffled, refused, and pretty much was a true Muggle in reclaiming my dreams. I finally tossed away all the "expected" responses and went with my new rituals!
I took advantage of the full & new moons, the Solstice, the New Year "resolutions" (which I personally don't do), the acquiring of a Muse and the constant urgings of a new group of star beings. For the new moon in December I asked for a new dream and those to help me to be shown to me and carried that request forward to January since as far as I could tell nothing had been revealed. For the Solstice, Maeve and all my ancestors showed up across the veil from me with lanterns, candles, and torches telling me they would help to light the way, oh and yeah to kick my Irish ass for being so thick….
For the full moon in December I released my fear of success, my incessant desire to run the show, and my belief that I was too late to the game. And in January, I released new items because there was no need to release again those items in December. I can say those no longer weigh me down. Yes!!
Brigid became my muse for the creative blocks that were plaguing me and each morning I light a candle to her asking for her inspiration to move forward towards my creations. Not surprising I was lead to three on-line classes that would help me to not only rediscover my dream but also to bring new tools.
For the New Year, since I am not a 'resolutioner', I was gifted with a client that day to really anchor in the energetic intent for 2014. The client was not planned and sprang from the dawning of a new year. I felt elated to know that supporting the empowerment of others - my joy - would be the first item of business for the new year. After the session, I spent time in ritual to give thanks for the client and the setting of intent securely into 2014.
And then the work started……. still not really knowing what I was to lead with but assuming it was geared around virtual work, I signed up for a course with Seth Godin on creating my own 7-part leverage plan and one with Jacob Nordby for unblocking my writing. Well lets just say, shit, damn, and ruckus! The course with Seth forced me to own my dream again. The writing course???? Well those long dormant simple wishes came screaming out of the daily morning pages.
I have in 7 days designed a business model for 3Rivers Holistic an integrative center, written my first full poem in 43 years, finished my first fire element medicine bag, and begun work on my star soul oracle cards.
The feeling of knowing me again is renewing. In the midst of all the accepted patterns of life I had hidden away the woman who dreams! I can feel the stability of me underneath my feet, I can see the lanterns light the way ahead, and I know that divine inspiration flows through me once again. The cork has been removed and the bubbles sparkle as they join me in my travels. I also know that those items I have completed are opening the gates to allow for the flooding of my e-courses and online offerings.
Life is about changes. It is how we discover more about the Universe and ourselves. By using ritual I was able to unveil my dreams once again. Through ritual I was able to get out of the way and allow Spirit to work through me. As the saying goes, I couldn't see the forest for the trees and once I started using ritual the sleep was removed from my eyes. I have a heart shaped chalkboard over my altar and written on it since November 27 is - I release my work to the Universe. The chalkboard in my career corner says - I am a successful and prolific writer! Ritual at work again for my future.
As we grow deeper in our spirituality layer after layer is removed and the levels of fear, stubbornness and other beliefs we hold become less prevalent in our life. Because we are a spiritual being having a human experience those layers become less, yes, but they never truly disappear. These layers, these experiences are what make up our life. Yes, we become more fluid in finding the tool to release the sticky stuck layers and discover those tools quicker but until we have our closing ceremony on the celebration called Life we will always be peeling away our layers. Through ritual we can discover what layer to remove, which tool to use and the most enriching manner for removal.
Here's to changes and life!!
The Soul Traveler