We have all been at this game a very long time plugging away at the wounds and fears that have culminated over many years and many lifetimes. When I first pulled the brake on the merry-go-round, I went in search of ways to release the wild woman in me. I went searching for a way to stop the continual repetitive nonsense that occurred in my life. I went in search of the tool to help peel the onion skin we call life.
For over 20 years I have peeled and peeled away my fears, ego-driven decisions and patterns, + my wounds. Early on after a major shift and healing, breathing a sigh of relief, I would erroneously think I had finally released it + life would be grand. Eventually I realized that my onion had many layers. HA!
Seeking help for the abuse from my teen years from traditional + non-traditional modalities, large pieces were discovered, healed, and released. I understood it would take time to find my way through the wounding. I embraced each opportunity. As all of us have I experienced my fair share of wounding.. I can't say mine has been any worse than anyone else. What I can say is I sought healing. I dislike feeling wounded. I like feeling alive.
When the brake was pulled and I woke up to the fact that I was so much more, my deeper sense showed me that healing had to take place on all levels. The levels of mind, body, & soul. Healing only one aspect of me wasn't deep and true healing. If I left the body out it would flair up later throwing a wrench into my life. My mind, well it's cunningness would just plain shut the whole plan down. My soul led the charge so I always knew where it stood!
Naturally I have always tended to my body, watching its reaction and cradling it in self-care. Broken bones were very minimal. I trampled over soccer fields, scaled trees, lifted poundage few can, and danced till dawn. Sure there are times I wondered why I needed an extra 3 hours of sleep, or the extra body fat lingered longer than I wanted, but I never thought my body wasn't magnificent. Self care of this amazing gift was easy, delightful. Now she was screaming and I couldn't find the secret.
About a year ago, I began to experience strong pain in my hip area. My ability to move or sit & stand for long periods was significantly hampered. Cursing my age and refusing to succumb to the charge of "this is what happens when you get older" I sought support. My pelvic area was screaming daily! I have a very high pain tolerance so when I say screaming, well I think you get it. Determined I searched for relief.
Finally ~ I discovered a way to release the muscles around my pelvic bones. I started with exercises while I searched for a rolfer and physician. A doctor came on the scene eventually. She was my first experience with a Doctor of Osteopathic Medicine. I was actually touched for 45 minutes not just once but 3 separate sessions. After that amazing experience I walked away with relief and an understanding of the physical root cause of my pain. This is a lovely story but what does this have to do with the Onion?
For over 3 weeks now, since starting the self-care of my body, every wounding around this area, wounding that has been there for over 50 years came bursting forth. The muscles screaming was the pain long held so tightly. My muscles vowed that they would hold that pain so it could not hurt me and assure no one could see it. The pelvic girdle was my armor. It absorbed the abuse, the traumatic birthing of my son, the wild woman wounding, and grabbed everything that threatened my heart. The Onion had burst upon the scene demanding to be picked and devoured.
The race was on to bring the healing to the deepest part of me. Things I had not thought of for ages surfaced during the day and especially at night. My nighttime travels were halted. The stars came in force, the guides suited up, and tackled, snuggled and down right knocked the wounding out of the ball park. Driving in rush hour traffic in a town of 65,000, I found myself yelling at them to move taking myself back to years of Denver + I-25 traffic only to realize another layer was asking to be peeled, that layer of feeling out of control. I know I am not in control of the outside world. The red flag had surface and off I went to heal the wound that was asking to be seen. Exhausted from the pain, I sat one night allowing the tears to form, suddenly a hummingbird sat beside me on the trellis, releasing two streams of nectar, turned to look at me and flew away. Healing surrounded me.
A long time ago I learned that healing for this lifetime won't be done by any certain date. Healing takes times. Healing is self-care. Healing is being the wild woman. What I can do is minimize the wounding. I can heal whatever comes now quickly. The wounding is no longer buried out of fear and misunderstanding. At times the wounding becomes a grand experiment. Like a bug under the microscope I love to dissect it, watch to see what works best to heal, and discover the inner wealth I hold to bring forth my secret cure. Is the cure recognizing my worth, who I am and how I am in the world, or is it something as simple as a smile and acceptance?
Life is filled with adventures. None of them are better or worse. All of them draw us closer to who we are and our purpose. How we react to them creates the wounding or the empowerment. Learning to peel that onion with all our tools frees us up to enjoy our life fully.
My tool bag is always packed. How about you?
Traveling on - The Soul Traveler XOXO