Trust

Warriors Cry Real Tears ..... Too

It is my walks in nature where I find my inspiration.  I don't think I am alone in this occurring.  We all have those times when we really let go of our daily grind.  Nature just seems to be the perfect 'spot' for it all to slip away.

Recently I was struck by a thought that sprang to mind as I wandered away from the maddening football crowd.  The noise drifted further and further leaving me present to the dusty trail and the minuscule amount of others joining me.  Contemplating on the gorgeous blue skyline with its wisps of promising clouds the thought of how my years of overwhelming sensitivity had awakened this fierce fortitude kept pushing at me to not be ignored.  This unwavering ability to reach deep into the darkest depths of others lives, soul loss, and pain.  How the fortitude had supported me in finding the strength to heal my darker wounds, releasing this amazing Joan of Arc aspect.  This Kali fire that had laid hidden deep now fueled my very being.  Somehow I had become the warrior I was destined to be this lifetime.  

Early on this extreme sensitivity laid me open for all to see, to be trampled on, to suck me dry energetically, it became a constant burden yet I could not discard it upon the heap and walk away.  As I walked through this life I was reminded daily by others that I wore my heart on my sleeve, to stop the crying for god sake, suck it up, and the best one was, "Oh here we go again," echoed through my head.  I could barely stomach large crowds still not my favorite without gobs of protection.  I didn't get sick or have a headache instead I grew restless, fidgety, a claustrophobic fence grew around me and I would dart.  Often I remained outside by myself literally and figuratively.  I would play with the neighborhood children but only when I wanted and always with an escape route.  Somehow I knew if I was ever cornered or someone I cared about was bullied, I would come out swinging.  

I liked being around people.  It was what occurred that drove me crazy.  It was the pain I felt from them, the cries for help, the wounded soul that begged me to listen.  I didn't know how to protect myself.  Still I helped, oh yes, I helped.  I listened, encouraged, walked them to solutions, laughed making them see the funny side, and then I went home tired and drained.  I carried all the wounding on my shoulders and in my heart.  I became their little angel.  I grew tired and aged past my years.

Overtime I learned how to protect myself.  I relinquished their burdens and stopped carrying them.  I discovered how to help them help themselves.  The turning point was when I finally embraced that I was a warrior.  Finding the finesse of the soul sword and how to deftly wield it on behalf of others broke the crack wide open on my extreme sensitivity.  Most who know me now have a hard time seeing me as the sensitive introvert.  What is apparent to them is my ability to kick ass and take names, my gregarious ways, and pull to have deep conversations.  If they look closely they will see the quiet one watching all the interchanges, feeling the ebb and flow of the energy, seeing the real story, and listening very closely ~ the warrior at work.

As we have lived our lives in the company of others we begin to perceive ourselves through their eyes.  We forget how to decipher the light + dark sides of our essence.  We mistake for instance our gregarious nature as a conflict to our desire for solitude.  We don't see either of them as pluses in our relating to others.  We think of them as a battleground for fitting in.  When we tweak our view just a bit our solitude becomes the place for figuring out what our gregarious nature just learned.  Why the person we just met is hurting deep within.  The person whose presence is pulling our energy away creating headaches, or sickness, or claustrophobia; the physical manifestations of a very sensitive introvert.  

We are not being asked to fix or lay down any aspect of our true soul nature.  It is up to us though to configure those aspects and find a home place for our sensitivity and desire for aloneness.  These are gifts and like all gifts sometimes their brilliance hurts our human eyes.  Remember it is okay to wear sunglasses inside.

We all know spiritual warriors and for many of us our soul song line is the warrior path.  It is expected that the warrior will stand and face the music for the tribe.  They travel into the depths of despair battling for our soul pieces and protecting the Truth.  Swords of valor, eyes of steel, and hearts all encompassing become the warrior creed for all who walk this soul song line.  

There is a piece seldom shown except in introverted moments.  It is what becomes the badge of courage.

 

Spiritual warriors cry real tears...... Too

Traveling on...... The Soul Traveler xoxo

I once hated it too.... And now ?

Yes I once hated winter!  The howling wind, the soft freezing snowflakes, the long dark days, and the harsh relentless cold.  I froze from September to mid-April.  Depression only lifted when the chinooks started to blow.  I gained a minimum of 5 pounds + looked like a shriveled up old lady in my 20's from trying to keep myself warm.  I lived in the winter sunbelt of Colorado and still couldn't find anything wonderful about winter.  One long cold evening walk from work, as I shivered my way down the final street, ice forming on my eyelashes, I made a promise to the god above who was withholding all my joy, to never again complain about winter, to never WHINE again if he would just bring spring back!  He kept his part of the bargain with early chinook winds in March and I kept mine.  I never complained in fear of retaliation.  But it didn't really stop me from hating winter.

I took my frustrations out on autumn.  You know those warning months of whats to come ~ splendor that hides the truth!  Depression crept into my life each Labor Day.  I began squirreling away sweaters, marshmallows, & heavy socks.  The thought of overcoats on top of Halloween costumes scared the beejesus out of me.  But I never complained once about winter. NEVER!

For some reason newly acquired friend I was to discover was in love with autumn or fall as we say here in the West.  I listened aghast as she delighted in all the changes occurring.  Finally summoning my courage I asked her why she loved fall and not my favorites spring or summer.  I stood stunned as she regaled fall's attributes and slammed my beloved twins (well cousins) spring + summer.  I scoffed at her and secretly went home to contemplate her words.

Finally years later I understood the why and how of Earth's seasons.  Clarity shined on the deeper truth in my vow of No Whining.  Something that had completely escaped me for decades. I felt and understood my friends love for autumn and the beauty it held.  She opened my eyes to something deeper than just the leaves changing, the scent of wood burning, the harvesting of the summers bounty.  I discovered the wisdom in all the seasons, not just my beloved spring + summer.

The true test was could I find that same love in the long dark drawwwwn out months of winter?  Could I welcome winter with the same zest I welcomed spring?  Was I willing to really let the truth, the soul truth, strike open my heart for winter?  It took time.  Yet I finally let winter show me her splendor and wisdom.  

No, I don't rush to the ski slopes each year, those days are long past.  I don't frolic in the deep snow and dream of sipping hot cocoa.  I do listen quietly as the bitter cold moves into the land.  I watch as the birds battle against the harsh wind and wonder about the symbology.  I delight in the blast of frozen air each time I open the door, gasping in surprise.  Bundled up in layers I walk daily returning to shelter with a glimpse of new knowledge of my world + me.  

I have come to realize that I make my experiences great or small.  It is my ability to accept myself leading me to accepting my outside world that brings joy or peace.  Don't get me wrong I still shiver for 5 months out of the year but I don't harbor resentment towards Winter.  Nature's personalities are but reflections of the world she watches over.  Storms rage to bring us deeper into ourselves and show us where we may be stuck whining and not changing.  Sun shines welcoming us to open to who we are.  Rain nourishes the land reminding us to take time to nourish our world, our soul.  Drought reminds us that often what we love can be lost.  There is so much symbolic expression in our seasons.  Just like each season there isn't a one-size fits all explanation for the messages being delivered. 

I still don't complain about winter.  I promised 40 years ago and I don't break my promises.  Each season brings with it very different expressions.  Just like the barometer tells us the changes in weather, how I respond tells me where I am in my heart.  

Look deep into all our amazing seasons.  Find the message hidden in plain sight for you.  Welcome that message into your home, give it a cuppa, and hear the words.  Wisdom isn't always hidden, it is only waiting for us to see with plain eyes.

Traveling on xoxo

The Soul Traveler

Fifty Shades of Grey + Me

This is not going to be a soft + fuzzy musing.  This may not even be a well written piece.

This is going to be a short, deep, truthful tale of one soul.

We all hold deep dark secrets.  Not all of us will be called to share those secrets.   But ....And a definite But ....We will all want to release + heal + grow from our secrets.

In my pre-teen years I experienced molestation and sexual abuse.  These events took over my formative years as a young blossoming woman.  They were at the hands of someone very close and older.  These events did not stop until I stopped them the fall of my senior year.  They spanned 6 years.

These events were to shape my life for over 30 years.  These events led me to believe that sex and love was about control, manipulation, violence and fear.  

My sexuality was warped into a grayness that set the stage for a 10 year marriage of emotional + sexual abuse, 20-years of one-off sexual relationships of subversion + emptiness, all marked by an inability to fill a sacred yearning for loving self-expression.  

Under the guise of "I love you like you have never been loved." perversion ran deep and culminated in spousal rape, rough sex, and emptiness.  Most importantly the sex wasn't the only abuse.  The entire marriage was abusive and controlling.  Nothing was visible to the outside world.  The abuse didn't lead to violence until I asked for a divorce and stepped away from the control.  The abuse was emotional, manipulative + unfailing.

Glamorizing sexual defiance, glorified mistreatment, emotional abusive control in the name of love is NOT love.  Allowing ourselves to fantasize about sex using manipulation, aggression, self-flaggation is not LOVE no matter which way you look at it.  Violent Sex is Hate, Power + Control.  Violent sex comes from a deep dark sickness that fills this world.  Sex in these relationships ties you into the abuse outside of the act.  It is a slippery slope. 

Fifty Shades of Grey is not a nurturing healthy love being expressed into the world.  It is about ABUSE plain and simple.  

I can tell you being turned on by this book or any other item that displays violence, control, or non-nurturing is not healthy.  For years I could only be aroused by picturing violence towards me or with me.  I sought help from many avenues.  I found the most help with one.  My shamanic path brought forth the deepest healing.  I had to be willing to go after this grey aspect of my life.  I had to be willing to go deep into the darkness of my life and soul.  I had to be willing to be completely Honest with myself.  I had to learn to love all aspects of myself - dark & light.  I had to stop the abuse against me.

I found my voice ~ NO more violence against ME! No more violence against women, children, + men!  

Love comes from nurturing.  Love does NOT come from violence, control, deviant behavior.  Each time you read, laugh, pass along songs, books, articles, or commit actions by yourself or others you are creating and perpetuating this back into the world.  It must stop with us!

I am not writing this to garner your sympathy.  I am writing this to share how blind we have become to the violence against others.  Our children and their children deserve a world where healthy, nurturing love is displayed for them to see + learn to bring into their life.  You deserve this world of healthy relationships.

Domestic violence is rampant in the world.  Violence against women is rampant in the world. Violence against men is rampant in this world. Violence against children is rampant in this world.  We need to stop this Now.

I may lose friends from this. So be it.

Today I am calling you out.  If you read this garbage, watch this garbage, commit these acts ~ YOU are part of the problem.  Seek help!  Put the brakes on ~ love yourself.  If you find yourself in a violent situation ~ Get Out Now!  I did. You can.

With deepest love + understanding ~ The Soul Traveler

Fireside Chat with Crones - Suzanne Wigginton

There are those moments in time when what you imagine an event could be and what takes place do not disappoint.  Those are special times and are often marked by divinity's essence and blessing.

The Fireside Chat for October waited to appear until the end of the month.  The taping was originally scheduled for the evening of October 21 and that morning I rose knowing that there would be a need to reschedule.  I reached out to Suzanne offering flexibility and it was readily accepted.  Not concerned about moving it to the next week and sending supporting energy to Suzanne, I glanced at the calendar discovering that Mercury would not be going direct until Saturday, October 25, and giggled.  The Universe knows the normal computer challenges I still wrestle with in the creation of these chats and once again had interceded on our behalf.   I am not one to shy away from Mercury retrogrades and often welcome the opportunity to use that time to review and tweak my growth yet I do honor its placement in our lives and know it can be a trickster.

Arriving at our scheduled time the next week came with a lightness and no rushing in preparing for the chat.  The moment proceeded to descend into its slot with a very distinct flavor of beauty.  It is really hard to explain in words and yet this particular flavor of beauty is very present within the video.

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Working and chatting with Suzanne has always brought both of us many moments of deep Ah-ha's and pivotal shifts for our individual lives.  It is a friendship that developed during our shamanic apprenticeship 3 years ago, blossomed on a trip to Ireland, and matured over many a night of giggling and honesty.  Reflecting as I write this, I really shouldn't have been surprised that the imagined exchange between us became a reality.

Our discussion reflects the steps we have taken into our crone years.  I, being baptized into my crone-hood several years ago and Suzanne just inching her way onto the crone path, both of us represent the higher request - to ignite the light for crones anywhere on their path, mentor those to come, and bring back into the world the beauty of the wisdom of the elders.

Reaching a 'certain age' one should have it all by then, have it all accomplished and as we chatted, .... "hope you have accomplished everything you set out to do...Well WHY???  I still have the magic and majesty of my Crone years now to create something else altogether if I choose to........ and that's a piece I think we are missing overall a piece we have lost."  

As women, we should all be cookie bakers and apron wearers but by who's standards?  Cookies and aprons are needed in the world as well as the Maxine's.  Life hasn't ended just because we are crones.

As long time crones, new crones, or just embarking, what is it we so want to accomplish before we depart? What is it that we can bring to this world that helps mentor all of us, all women, men, & children, past, present and future?  To know the magic of the world, to just be in it, is one of the many gifts the crone brings to the world.  To understand that we, as crones, come full circle and are back in the energy of the divine child is a much needed quality in this world.  What inner child dreams are whispering to you to come full circle and experience?  

There is so much depth in this chat!  I have so enjoyed listening over and over to the exchange of two women desiring to bring more into the world, bring to all who have experienced a disconnect to the empowerment of our later wisdom years. We don't have the answers but we are willing to ask the questions hoping to ignite the light in the darkness that has laid dormant for women generation after generation of the wisdom that comes from living our lives as fully as we can.  We ALL hold a piece for each other.  

I hope you enjoy this chat as much as we enjoyed creating it.  I am honored to have Suzanne be apart of this much bigger piece that the Universe is driving.

I welcome your comments, thoughts, and dreams.  Being a crone is about being you, the divine essence that is here now, asking to be given a voice, a signature that will add upon the light brightening this awesome aspect of life...... the final journey.  

And the journey continues ~ The Soul Traveler

Connect with Suzanne here ~ 

Website www.suzannewigginton.com

Email suzanne@suzannewigginton.com

Souls Aloft Radio www.blogtalkradio.com/suzannewigginton

FB  www.facebook.com/timeforyou


Back in the game ..... work game that is

My life is changing once again.  On a scale of 1-10 this is a change with which I am familiar so it ranks low on the scale.  I am so different now that this experience is being created from a deeper level, a shamanic level, a higher soul self, and a universal level.  This isn't a typical 8-5 existence anymore.  This is work on a soul level.  

As this knowledge and understanding was unveiling itself to me, in the midsts of confusion, doubts, and emotions, I journeyed to quell the storm that seemed to want to rise from deep within.  I wasn't looking to stop the storm I was looking for the direction through the midsts and to quiet the rushing sounds so I could hear the words that would soothe me.  It was a quick journey filled with trepidation as the fears mounted in my body only to be calmed by the warming embrace of the Universe as these words filled my head.  

"Your soul is after the growth not the money and Source will fill in where the money might appear to be thin. If your desire is to live from your soul then you need to feed it and trust that you have never been dropped. They need you as much as you will need them each day.  You are not to sit upon the mountain but to bring the mountain to them.  There is so much yet to be seen by your eyes, to be understood by your mind, to be felt by your body that will bring you deeper into your path, your Beingness.  You cannot perceive all that is about but you can perceive the depth of love present for you at this moment.  We understand the fretting, the human illusions where you co-exist, we know this is but part of being a human and we KNOW that your soul desires the ultimate expression and will not be denied.  Seek us to support your human needs and allow us to keep you in the present.  We know your human desires and we know that you have come to understand the deeper expression."  I left the journey with the first two sentences emblazoned upon tongue. 

I called and accepted employment with the Department of Developmental Disabilities for the state of Montana.  Employment that would not be meeting the minimum monthly amount for me to 'make ends meet'.  It was a $.25 an hour short. Yet it pulled me to it the first day of the interviews with the Tibetan Prayer flags adorning the reception room, the Ojo de Dios hanging in the front windows, the spontaneous laughter erupting during the interview, the truly 'casual' dress code, the honesty of needs, and yes there is great retirement and vacation benefits.  I accepted the position trusting the words I had heard spoken and within five minutes of the acceptance I was told of a 5% rate increase in November which took me above my minimum.  I laughed understanding that I do not see the entire picture.  I chortled knowing my guidance, the Universe and my soul were 'knuckle stamping' each other.  (Some may think I hold issues around money and that is not the case as I have always had exactly what I need when I need it.  I am a Pisces astrologically where money is not the ultimate desire and my numerology dictates monetary success so instinctually I balance.)

This is only a glimpse of the 3rd dimensional experience.  The capture of being present to the moment, understanding the capable aspects of Self, and willingness to trust unabashedly would reveal perceived hidden mapping of my journey.  This mapping lay hidden because I had yet to acquire all the tools to read the maps.  As I willingly dove deeper into my true essence, tools were revealed to help me read my changing maps.  Yes, there are many maps drawn for our journeys which are switched and changed based on decisions and non-decisions.  Just like maps for each state and the many countries on earth we are gifted with individual compact maps.  They are overlaid on our list of attainments adjusting as we peel and dive deeper.   Like the surveyor we adjust as the terrain changes.  

Early in my awakening, I wanted so much to no longer 'work' in the world.  Instead I desired spending my days in earnest pursuit of the deeper meanings of life and sharing those discoveries with others in workshops, in other words, sitting upon the mountain.  I tried several times leaving employment to build a practice and each time the funding dried up requiring me to return to the workplace.  Many hours have been spent in reflection seeking the 'reason' for not attaining enough financial support and non-fulfillment of my desires.  Casting doubts upon my abilities, yet seeing very clearly the impact my return to the world was having on those around me, I fretted and concluded I needed to just try harder to build a practice.  This thinking allowed the ego to implant the concept that I was not a fully realized soul if I couldn't build a practice outside of the standard employment.  

These last months of unemployment have sped quickly by taking me once again to the state of return.  There was no massive booming of a practice, there was a steady increase, a nourishing of soul, a clearing of patterns and the final realization that my soul path, my soul agreement, my most impactful place was in the work game.  It was there that the most seeds were planted, the deeper touching of soul to soul, the quiet shamanic support of community to be given, and where the Universe filled my soul path.  My ego was wrong.  I am a fully realized soul in each moment no matter if it is in standard employment or a private practice.  Shaking off the perceived 'right way' to be a spiritual being takes courage, clarity of truth, and a willingness to go against the flow.  Discarding this illusion creates freedom.

Not all of us get to leave the work world and build private practices.  Many of us are most impactful in the challenging world of constant human interaction.  We change the course of someone by being in an 8-5 job.  Having a human experience as a spiritual being entails living within the experience of non-awaken souls.  As you create the clients, the spiritual life you so deeply desire, being smack dab in the midst of the perceived chaos brings a wealth of empathy, compassion and an energetic signature of 'you know how they feel' that is invaluable and life changing.  Mother Teresa didn't sit in the convent and serve her community.  She lived among them.  The world needs all of us.  Those who are not in the world and those who are in the world.  Find value in where Spirit has you.  Go about knowing that by being you, the true and deep you, no matter what the scenery is, has value undiscovered and life-changing.  We can't all leave the world.  As you struggle within the environment of the workplace, seek the truth of the situation and trust that your soul is being fed and serving the greater whole.  Create a workplace without struggle, create a private practice within your corporate, non-profit, retail, or government job.

I no longer reflect in a wanting state of where I am going or why I am some where.  I reflect now on how I can show up as the true me.  Where is my ego still leading the way, why is this moment challenging, how can I best serve all of us, and what makes my heart sing?  These are the questions I review.  How life appears doesn't matter.  How life impacts does.  Rushing about creates chaos, walking softly blooms love, being present for every moment creates opportunity.

Taking the essence of being into the world of constant doing sets the ripples of change into motion.  Finding your practice within the world of employment leads everyone further along their soul path even when it appears otherwise.  We are not here to create scenarios.  We are here to feed our souls, uncover the illusion of separation, and walk the cosmic, divine, christed Essence into this lifetime.

If you are happy being you, you will be happy in any work you do.

And the journey continues.....

The Soul Traveler

Fireside Chat - Spiritual Equality

My guest, Evy O'Leary-Bennett, chatted with me on the subject of Spiritual Equality.  It was a welcome discussion with many eye-opening shares and fun-filled quips.

Spiritual equality is a subject we don't often discuss.  Looking at it from the impact it has in all aspects of our life enables us to move through our constraints bringing forward a communal way of living.  We are all experiencing being human.  We all have special gifts that blossom at different intervals.  

As we venture further down our path, taking time to reflect on spiritual equality will set into motion the change we all desire in the world.  Are we sharing our knowledge and ourselves to others in the manner of equality?  As teachers and mentors are we standing in equality with those we are supporting, holding them in an equal role allowing for those moments of shared student/teacher exchange?  As we are learning from others are we standing in our equality or are we taking the role of less than finding ourselves wanting to 'kill the teacher'? Are we viewing our shadow sides in equality?

We have come into this world, this lifetime, to remember who are truly are.  We may be further along the path in certain aspects from others but we are not the one who is wiser, more knowledgeable in all the many aspects of our journey.   We are all brilliant spiritual beings remembering, uncovering, and sharing our discoveries with the intent to support each other to becoming all that we are.  Because this is a collective endeavor holding each other in equality enables the ripples to move further and further encompassing many who might not be reached.  We are all both teacher and students in our journeys through this life.

Spending the August Fireside Chat with Evy in laughter and discovery broadened our relationship enriching both our reaches in our individual paths.  Our desire is to share with you our experience of spiritual equality. 

Would love to hear your views and experiences on spiritual equality.  Hope you enjoy our chat as much as we did!

The Soul Traveler ~

This is the August Fireside Chat with Evy O'Leary-Bennett. Our discussion focused on spiritual equality.

And so .....

As the months of 2014 ebb and flow to us, I realize that I have been on a 7 month journey of unemployment insurance that has drawn to an end.  

I know without a shadow of doubt that I am not the same woman who looked out into the world on November 27, 2013.  I cannot even remember who she was.  There is a tad bit of a memory of how she felt and an understanding of her story.  There is a deeper understanding of how the story dissolved, the realization of a stronger essence of her, and a willingness to feel into the moment and hold no expectation, no opinion of what is to be. 

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Oh the journey was complete with wildness, back-ups, and delight.  It carried me to a place I had desired to hold deeply.  It carried me out into a jungle replete with tangles, rushing water, and mystery.  The adventure did not disappoint.  It has no ending.

I am truly blessed with the opportunity to focus solely on my path.  And these last 7 months allowed a deeper involvement into uncovering this path.  It enabled me to bring into my daily life a realization of how my path, even the search of it, was individualized from others. 

Through this time a stronger concise understanding of who I was, coupled with a releasing of old patterns and beliefs, balanced by acceptance of the value of illusion moved me into an empathy of self and my community.  The freedom to lay about, wander the mountain top, grovel in the frustrations, and epitomize standardization pushed me to turn and deny the existence of self; to die to myself as I had never imagined.

There has been a shamans death experience, a mystics evaporation, and yet what I was being asked for did not contain another level of these prerequisites to soul evolution.  I have experienced a burning to the ground, the severing of the leash, but I had not experienced the dying to myself.  The dying took place sudden with the realization of the ask, moved into flowing with the demands of daily life, and ended in an ancient ritual that almost seemed uneventful.  It was the forward motion after the dying that emphasized the Divine's request.  

Every time I looked to draw a frame of reference the screen was blank.  It wasn't just the screen of Future but the screen of Past that lay black and empty.  Only the place of Here and Now held any form or design.  Anything presenting itself to me was met with nothing but what I knew to be true for me.  Trying to decipher anything has been unsettling.

The unsettling is not in being unable to fit in or know the direction.  The unsettling is learning to walk completely within the present.  It is learning that where I once related in life with others is non-existent and non-essential.  It is non-identifying.  It cannot relate to me as much as I cannot relate to it.  In the midst of all of it, there is laughter, joy, tears, love, and a completeness.  A focus of all is finished within itself bringing with it a solid sense of self without identity.  

Spirit has said others have experienced this and many will join in the dying to themselves.  Everyone will be offered, not all will accept, and all will continue along their path.

Having words to express this past 9 months has been very difficult.  Having words to express this newest endeavor has been even more difficult.  It has not mattered that there are no words.  It does not matter if I ever climb the mountain top, it no longer matters what I hold dear, where I wander, who I meet or don't meet, how I show up to the world is all that matters.  Do I come with my heart open, my mind quiet, my eyes bright, my ears listening, and my tongue gentle? Do I come willing to share everything including the unacceptable?  Do I come each day willing to make it a good day to die?  Do I come prepared to return to the primordial juices?  Am I willing to live outside the perceived existence of all that matters?  Am I willing to be the ancient?  Am I willing to hold past, present, future completely within me?

These questions may seem to be those we all ask ourselves daily.  This time there is a very large difference in asking them.  We all know being who we truly are means living with hearts open, mind quiet, listening, no opinions, etc., and yet this is different.  

Dying to yourself means you cannot do anything else but show up as an unidentifiable person.  You cannot be You.  You can only Be.

The Soul Traveler

 

The Lady of the River

I am a water baby at heart.  A Pisces that has been land-locked most of her life must take the time to really refuel with water.  Lately I have been craving a float in the fueling waters of this planet.  Just to sit and hear the movement, feel the caress, and absorb the nourishment for my soul.  Daily I walk upon the crust of Gaia grateful for the opportunity to commune with her and her creatures.  I love smelling the scents of the trees and grasses, glimpsing the wildlife and soaring with the bird tribe, and yet my soul is drawn to the water.

Today I gave in.

I loaded my pack with offerings.  I pulled one container of moon ceremony waters that raised its hand, gently securing it deep within my pack next to my favorite Hobbs.  Hobbs travels everywhere with me.  He is my tool of comfort for those who cannot find it.  Today Hobbs is joining me at the river.  Hobbs will bring the water medicine home for future use.

My first stop proved to be uninterested in fulfilling my request.  No worries.  Knowing this place would fill it for others I turned around to travel further down the road.  Spying a turnoff I made a sudden decision and turned left across the highway.  For 10 minutes I journeyed east towards the river and Poker Joe's fishing access.  Discovering only one car in the lot I pulled in placing my car squarely in the shade.  It was still early.  The sun travels slowly west this time of year leaving shade available for most of my planned time.

I followed the trail stepping around mud puddles moving further into the brush.  It was a well worn trail even indicating a quad-wheel had recently been through leaving scars in the deep grass.  It was quiet as I removed my sunglasses to see clearer.  Finally I came out into a clearing.  It was obviously the river had come this far in this spring.  Large trees littered the sandy rock filled ground before me.  The river still lay 500 feet further east.  Spotting the fisherman I turned away heading left picking my way toward the bank.  

Finding the edge where I wanted to settle I asked the river permission to join her for the day.  Quietly she meandered by beckoning me to sit for a conversation.  The breeze was strong enough to take the heat from the rocks, blowing away any chance of a candle or smudge, still leaving me refreshed and cleared.   

The remnants of moon-bathed chocolate cake came out to be sprinkled across her ripples in offering to the water sprites that danced.  Chuckling to myself I wondered if my activity would draw the trout away from the fisherman as I continued with my offerings of cedar, salt, and lavender.  Sensing something behind me I glanced up as a large blue heron graced the stark blue sky melding into the rhythm of the breeze.  Distracted in my thoughts to grab my phone, turning I ignored the request and watched her elegant flight.  Stillness settled as I felt drawn back to the river and her rhythm.  

With a sigh I released all my worries, aspirations, and plans to her as I called my guides and star family to this moment.  My body refreshed itself in the sounds of her lapping the shore carrying everything away. Trout jumped at the dragonflies skipping across enticing them in play.  I watched as an osprey soared carrying my dreams home.  

Closing my eyes the Spirit of the Bitterroot River glided across towards me.  She offered her wisdom.  Her deeper understanding of the part we each hold was gifted as I quietly poured my water offering into her depths.  Tears spilled sending ripples into her.  Slowly I stepped out into her allowing the washing and anointing.  My soul sang with each step.   As I returned to my spot a dark little frog hopped across my path a perfect gift to seal the moment.

Finally the river released me.  Packing to head home I heard the request to bring my drum next week so she could teach me a new song.  Be sure to bring lunch she said your body will need the nourishment.  Delighted I turned to leave.

Heading back across unfamiliar ground I made the choice to follow the call.  Soon I found myself watching the blue heron fishing.  As she elegantly stood in silence she stole a glance of me.  I swore she winked as I tiptoed closer.  This time I knew a photo was appropriate.  Clicking away I watched as she fished mesmerized by her beauty and presence.

Knowing it was time to return I found myself startled each time I startled the bird tribes hidden on the trail.  Laughing I heard the chatter of the black chipmunk above me as he warned those ahead.  I tried, unsuccessfully, to capture him.  He blended in the dark burnt bark of the trees.

Blessings abound for me.  I am constantly in awe at how Source gifts, loves, and teaches us.  Holding yourself in humility and love offers opportunities for simple affirmations of the grandeur of life.  I cherish this land and feel its calls deeply.  It is the waters that fill me with ancient memories.  They are very sacred to me.  Pouring my moon water back into her filled me with gratitude.  Humbly I realized how small I was compared to her, the Bitterroot River, and all the waters she represented.  I hold sacred my calling to care for these waters.  My part is small, this I know.  Yet each day I offer in prayer for the care of our waters supports the larger picture.

She wanders long and deep carrying our earliest memories and the truth of who we truly are.  One day she will bring us all home.

The Soul Traveler

After the Mist ....

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For 5 days we have had rain and more rain and low clouds with the sun refusing to shine daily except for one bright Wednesday morning for exactly 2 hours followed by a deluge of rain for 24 hours.  This isn't a normal phenomenon here.  Yes, June can be a very rainy month but this isn't the Pacific NW and the sun generally rules the day.  

For me, the symbol searcher and metaphor masher, I found myself reflecting on this pattern for insight into the bigger picture.  Refusing to dwell on the obvious of "not more rain" coupled with the pouty "I want sunshine" I found myself investigating my true reaction to this turn of weather.  

Coupled with the Full Moon where I relished the release of what I perceived to be stumbling blocks I have been gifted with visitors to my humble abode.  This timing was perfect to help deflect any insights I felt would follow my full moon ceremony.  Spending time with friends is always motivating fun filled with opportunities to connect deeper.  It is also time that takes one out of your normal patterns and brings a smidgeon of chaos.  It is a time that asks you to connect on a deeper soul level with another human, another soul, another traveler bringing you to a new level of soul identity.

Sitting watching the mist swirl forth from my surroundings my soul nudged me to find my new soul identity and either claim it or not.  Could I really actualize and relish my new connections and identity?  Was I willing to leave behind a pattern of solitude?  Would this short time spent with others in my home and life open me to a better understanding?  Is the direction spent the last 7 months the only direction?

Garnering all my reflections, I realized soon I would be leaving the course of my life and embarking upon another direction, another journey that would lead me deeper into my soul identity.  This journey would include more interaction.  It would be filled with other soul travelers embarking on their new levels of identity.  My community was calling.  It was asking me to leave my pattern of solitude, my cave of reflection, and come forth out of the mist.

Was I up to this request?  Could I still set aside solitude, creation time, and be watchful of old patterning and denial?  As the mist moved up and out of my space I knew like it I was ready.  I could be the mist and its the aftermath, life.  

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We are not defined by our patterns.  We are not defined by our friends, our body, our work, or our words.  Everything is fluid.  Everything is mist.  All life, all identity comes as mist and it is us who brings into the world.  We are the mist.  We form and swirl creating our life.  We are then asked to release and awaken into the light allowing it to feed us drawing us out of the separation.  It asks us to relish the time of the mist.  It asks us to be the time after the mist.

For me I know what time it is.  What about you?

xoxoxo

The Soul Traveler

the big T ....

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My life hasn't been much different from everyone else's.  It has stories that books are written about, yes, and yet those stories don't define me.  It is often hard for me to really recall all the emotion and drama of most of my life now.  What still comes up are the parts and pieces that I still cling to for identity.  I laughed at myself the other day as I sat for morning prayers begging for focus to continue writing on my book or just finish one of my many projects.  Looking up I noticed I had placed a heart shaped chalk board with the words, "I release my inability to focus to the Universe, love teri" as a tool to help me.  As I sat there totally frustrated, begging Brigid to help with inspiration, a flash of clarity zipped through my mind.  Duh!  Release!  I burst out laughing, threw my hands up, had a V8 moment and released.  Immediately I felt the difference.  I felt the release.  I stood up, bowed in gratitude, poured more coffee and began to write.  I finished two chapters, wrote my e-course, went to yoga, and still had 6 hours before bed. 

Asking for help and then getting out of the way is crucial.  It takes trust.  Trust in your beliefs.  Trust in you.  Trust that your ego doesn't run the show.  How many times have you found yourself asking for help and then hemmed and hawed over the help?  Do you allow your friends to help you?  Do you even ask for help?  What I see so often when a friend refuses to ask for help, is that they don't trust themselves.  I know that sounds odd.  Shouldn't it be they don't trust others?  No actually.  Trusting comes from you first.

Trusting others comes after you learn to trust yourself. 

Trust so often gets buried deep.  It is the first thing that gets challenged.  You can experience its lack the moment you are born or within the first years of your life.  As the veil draws down and your ego blossoms, trust disappears.  Forgetting who you are comes from losing trust. 

As my life unfolded and I journeyed through dark valleys what kept the fire burning to find a way through was my trust.  I trusted that it would end.  I trusted in finding help.  I trusted that the choice I had made would not kill me.  I trusted I KNEW the reason.

I trusted ME.  In trusting me I finally let go of needing a reason for anything in my life.  The ME I trusted was soul and its divine connection to Source.  When trusting others was dashed I trusted me.  I am not talking about pie in the sky trust.  Believe me I can feel when someone who should not be trusted walks into my space.  I have met many a person not worthy of trust.  I trust me and my ability to sense even those who are not to be trusted.  In this process I deepened my connection unfolding who I truly was in the process.

When I find myself conflicted I ask "are you trusting?"  Are you?

xoxox ~ The Soul Traveler